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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 469


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which the chapter is not actually for sixty-nine.



Marco: Aw, you got me all excited.



Oliver: I think I'm gonna become a scientist!

Yeah, it's not like two of your relatives have that entire thing one hundred percent sewed-up.



Oliver: I'm gonna become a stomach whisperer!



Chelsea: I'm gonna become tired of Marco.



Marco: I'm already there.



Chelsea: I guess it's like having a mobile water feature in the yard…



There's also a mobile gross indecency charge on the sidewalk.



Oops, never mind, now we're talking prison time.



Wander: DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME MY WORKOUT CLOTHES



And now it's time for our yearly installment of "Does Grugly remember who these kids are?"

He doesn't.



Bethany: I can't even tell these two apart.

It's okay, I kind of can't either.



Emma: You're lying. See? You got my name right.

Looked it up.

Emma: You did not.

Believe what you want to believe.



I guess you know one of two things now:

1) My game-playing hasn't gotten to the point where these characters are adults, or
2) These characters never become adults.



Emma: They both sound pretty likely.



Chelsea: So… how've you been.



Chelsea: Ever suddenly realize you forgot one of your daughters?
Bree: Nope.



Chelsea: Ever stack a series of geometric objects on top of each other?

They're not in primary school yet.



It's probably not even called that in the States.

It's probably called [SCHOOL SHOOTING JOKE REMOVED]



Chelsea: Did you just.

I would contend that oblique jokes about school shootings are not offensive.

DOING NOTHING ABOUT SCHOOL SHOOTINGS IS OFFENSIVE.



Chelsea: Hi! I'm Chelsea! This is supposed to be my chapter, but the Maker's trying to drown us with his bleeding sky-heart.
Hannah: Hi, Chelsea! I learned to talk just so I can tell you, I feel that feel.



Oliver: What's your favourite Narnia book?
Hector: The Silver Chair!
Oliver: Wrong! The answer is they're garbage Christian propaganga.



Emma: He's at it again.
Bree: We might as well not do anything important.

Like you were gonna.



Hector: So, Oliver.
Oliver: His first word was OLIVER!
Chelsea: That wasn't even his first word in that SENTENCE!



Marco: It's important to keep your workspace clean.



Marco: I'd hate for it to look dirty out here.



Marco: You know, seeing you old, and pregnant… I think I'm over you?



Marco: If this is you trying to convince me otherwise, it's having a …counterotherwise effect.



Marco: Maybe she wants me to leave.

I know I do.



Okay, fine.

She's kinda cute.



Oliver: I wonder what Cecilia's up to.

Yeah, that's a recipe for sweet dreams, alright.



Emma: I wonder where the yard zombie went.



Marco: Well isn't this just a blast from the ass.



Chelsea: I think you mean past.
Marco: MY PAST IS ASS!



Marco: You just keep on' pickin' him over me.
Chelsea: You just keep on' not recognizin' patterns.



Marco: I will!



Marco: And I'll keep walking in circles, too, until the taxi arrives.



Marco: See you later child, other child.



Marco: Other other childs.

Wait, we definitely crashed, or something, right?



No, there isn't enough of a gap in the time stamps. Why are you moving out twice?



Marco: I'm just that important.



Marco: Can you swing by and hit that chicken on the way out?



Marco: No?



Marco: Have fun not getting kidnapped, kidnappos.



Hannah: I prefer to take my doom into my own hands.



Hannah: Huh! Wow. There's actually beauty in the world! I never would have known that, cooped up inside.

I.

HEAR.

THAT.



Hannah: HAHAHA YOU WROTE ABOUT A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AND NOW YOU'RE IN ONE



Huh. Wow! There's actually beautiful pics in this chapter! I never would have known that, considering who's in it.



Oliver: He's insulting us again.
Chelsea: Help him think up some new ones.



Oliver: Oops! I almost had a thought.
Chelsea: Lies.



Chelsea: …time to check the household Sim limit!



Chelsea: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE EIIIIIIIIGHT



Oliver: My first science experiment! I'm so excited.



I'm gonna stand well back.

Don't wanna get any goop on me.



Bree: Goop is terrible.



Well, here she is!

Chelsea: What's her name?

Tandie, or Tawnie, or Tanner, or Tucker.

Chelsea: …what?



Okay, Tandie or Tawnie.

Chelsea:what?



Chelsea: Look, child! The Maker brought down the ceiling so you could be born in a natural setting!

One of the trees even deigned to be visible! It's a birthmas miracle.



Chelsea: Can you take this?
Oliver: I think I'm taking it pretty well.



Oliver: Oh, you mean…
Chelsea: Yes.
Oliver: Somebody hold my ball.



Oliver: Yeah baby, check that ass out!



Chelsea: This doesn't feel right.
Bree: How can she have another baby in that tiny-ass tummy?



Chelsea: Okay, so NOW which one is this?

Whichever one of Tandie and Tawnie the first one wasn't.

Chelsea: Okay I am getting SUPER confused.



Let's just say that the household Sim limit is having something of an attack right now.



Emma: I'm gonna leave before this gets messy.



CRACK

Chelsea: Oh come ON, it's carpet!



Chelsea: I seem to have some post-pregnancy gas.



Oh, they're all blonde? Any of them could be Tandie or Tawnie now.

Chelsea: You're enjoying this, aren't you.



Chelsea: We'll be able to tell these two apart by which one gets brain damage.



Chelsea: NO

Yep.

Chelsea: NO

YEP!



Told you! Tandie, Tawnie, Tanner and Tucker.



Amin: Oh, the babemanity.



Oliver: So! This is hell.



Yes.

Yes, it is.



Look on the bright side!

Now you've got mobile water features in the house!



Yvette: Nobody cares! You're just a statistic.



Yvette: Drive. And don't stop driving.



Chelsea: I'm glad I didn't see my life ending before it happened.



Chelsea: Oh, good! Another disaster to close out the chapter.



Oliver: Will you marry me?
Chelsea: To who?



Oliver: With this ring, I your baby-rearing duties wed!
Chelsea: ACCEPTABLE



Hannah: UNACCEPTABLE



Hector: I'mma kick that thing.



Chelsea: HAPPY GARBAGE WEDDING



Patrick: I'm a witness!
Oliver: We don't read The Watchtower.



Do you two promise to not commit infanticide?

Chelsea: Mmm, infanticide.
Oliver: Pretend that sounded like a "yes."



Do you promise to last longer than the local average marriage period of two years?

Chelsea: In a non-legally-binding sort of way, we do!
Oliver: I do, too! But you can make it legal.
Chelsea: NO



Please telekinect the rings.



Oliver: It's the magic of matrimony!



You may now kiss the bride.

If you can reach.



You short bastard.



Chelsea: I guess this was a long time coming.
Oliver: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID



Oliver: I can explain it for you, if it wasn’t clear enough.



Ooh, it's the elusive bottom of the pic thing that should've been cropped out!

I have preserved it for posterity, and also laziness.

Next time: more of that old green magic.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 27 December 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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