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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 472


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which vehicular sex crimes are committed.



Theresa: Aww, you already added my name to the masthead!
Cory: You're lucky it was only five characters.



Jizelle: Happarently oui alzo have five charactairz now, tou!



Vanessa: What the fuck did you just say.



Jizelle: Ouelcome to our 'umble habode.
Vanessa: You're hazing me, right? This is a hazing.



Cory: Hey there baby, wanna add yourself to my masthead?



Cory: What are you doing?
Vanessa: Learning how to teleport.
Cory: Why?
Vanessa: In case I get sick of Frenchie here real fast.



Cory: Always pleased to meet a new chest.



Vanessa: My name's Vanessa.
Cory: What's your chest's name?



Vanessa: I'm an SCIA agent posted until recently in Takemizu. I went to the local district chief for a job, and she turned out to be the actual chief now, and she sent me here.
Cory: Good ol' Brandi, always looking out for whatever side she's on.



Cory: Well, welcome to the fraternity! It's almost all women.



Cory: We need to get you a unique name, though.
Vanessa: What?
Cory: Three Brookes, I can handle. Two Vanessas, though? I won't brook that.



Cory: How about Vanesa?
Vanesa: That didn't sound any different.
Cory: Look at how it's written, though.



LE VOOMPF



Cory: I would love to know how she does that.



Venkat Kramer: Hey there baby, wanna hang out by a puddle of piss with me?
Theresa: If you play your cards right.



Cory: So, you're the one who died saving Jizelle, right?
Vanesa: Shit, was THAT who I was saving? NOT WORTH IT.



Cory: You'll get used to her. You'll get used to all of us! Or we'll kill you.



Vanesa: This doesn't seem like your typical SCIA safehouse.
Cory: It's not! This is a TAUTOLOGY unsafe-house!



Vanesa: What the fuck is a TAUTOLOGY?
Cory: A tautology is a needless repetition of an idea, especially in words other than those of the immediate context, without imparting additional force or clearness, or an instance of such repetition.
Vanesa: Thanks, dictionary.com!

"Clearness," dictionary.com? There's a better word for that.



Cory: TAUTOLOGY is the real SCIA.
Vanesa: Then something's got the wrong name.



Vanesa: I think it's you guys.



Cory: I learned how to teleport from your whispering.
Vanesa: You're a very subtle secret agent indeed!



Vanesa: I don't know if I trust you guys.
Cory: You're a very discerning secret agent indeed!



Vanesa: I feel like my discernment has been somewhat lacking, lately.



Jeannie: Do something with your simulated life, dude.



Chris: OH GOD, PISS HAIR



Jeannie: OH GOD, I'M CAUGHT



Cory: Wanna go make a title pic happen?



Theresa: If you play your cards right.



Cory: That is one hot-ass scar, you know.
Theresa: I know.
Cory: That's what I said.



Theresa: I know.




Ian: TEENAGERS ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE

This is the correct position for an adult to take.



It's maybe not so great to go around shouting it, though.



Caryl: Table for two?
Cory: Don't talk to her, honey, she's hideous.



Cory: Speaking of honey.
Wren: Buzz, buzz.



Theresa: Ooh, main main characters are here!



Andrew: And we're here for you!
Neila Sharpe the Witch: And you!



Andrew: And you and you and you and you and…



Theresa: I think Andrew's having a stroke?



Andrew: You must be Neila.
Neila Sharpe the Witch: Don't do that to me!



Andrew: Aw, hey, guy who lives in my house! Long time no see.
Amin: This year cycle is too long, my man! Too long.



Theresa: If you're gonna drop that, could you drop it on them, please?



Cory: Here's to you!
Andrew: I'll drink to that!



Tucker: This seat taken?
Cory: Yes.
Tucker: By me, right?
Cory: No.
Tucker: Right.



Theresa: I'd forgotten how obnoxious other people are.

I'm at that point right now, and it's pretty great.



Theresa: Why can't I ever be happy?
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: 'cuz you suck.



Theresa: …what?
Cory: He said you suck! Is it true? Is it true?!



Cory: IT'S TRUE



Cory: You suck good.



Theresa: Suck it, Alvin.



Cory: Don't call me Alvin.



Theresa: Would you prefer Simon?
Cory: Theodore!

♪ Doot, doot… DOO DOO DOO DOOT ♪



Cory: Let's doot.



Cory: In the boot!



Cory: Boot doot.



Cory: I wonder whose car this is.



Cory: They're randomly generated anyway, so who cars.



Jack: Hey guys, you know what I really care about? My non-randomly-generated beige sedan parked outside.



Cory: Welp.



Theresa: MASTHEAD IS RIIIIIIIIGHT…!



Tucker: You know what? I'd die if anything happened to my fire-engine-red covered truck!



Esther: What kind of car do you drive?
Joe: A green PXP.
Esther: PXP?



Theresa: Talk about your lazy uploads, wow.



Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: THIS IS INSUFFICIENT BASIS FOR A CHAPTER
Jack: WE DEMAND PLOT



Wren: OR AT LEAST FOR THE SEX TO INVOLVE US



Cory: She just had her sex.



Cory: Piano sex, even!



Joe: So, how do you like that beet-red truck of yours?
Esther: My favourite thing about it is how little jizz there is on the flatbed.



Cory: Yeah, if you're gonna have jizz back there, you might as well go white.



Cory: But you know what they say: once you go white, it never goes right!



Theresa: What.



Theresa: Ever.



Cory: …oops.
Theresa: Oops?
Cory: Like I said, white was a better choice.



Caryl: No, we have lots of tables available because everyone's watching a kicky bag competition, but I wouldn't recommend coming over because there's also a plotline involving a murderer going on outside.



Jack: BOO! HIT IT WITH YOUR DICK



Theresa: You heard the man.



Cory: Call that a man?



Cory: Jack Player can't play for jack.



Cory: Technically there should be a Scene Missing card between each car.

I don’t know how to parallel park a card, though.



Theresa: …shut up.



Cory: He's just gibbering on reflex, at this point.



Theresa: I much prefer your reflexes.



Esther: You expecting cold weather?
Tucker: It is very cold… in spaaaaaaace.



Andrew: I love that movie.
Amin: Like anyone doesn't.



Amin: Although I guess a story about past decisions coming back to haunt someone wouldn't go down so well around here.



Tucker: I wasn't quoting a movie.
Esther: Wrath of Khan.
Tucker: That movie quoted ME.



Theresa: So, we just fucked, like, a bunch.
Cory: Yeah, I feel all bunched-up alright.



Cory: We just left our DNA over half the cars in the county.
Theresa: We'll tell them we exploded a plane full of evil clones of ourselves in the upper atmosphere. They're dumb, they'll believe it.



Cory: I like the way you think, baby.
Theresa: I'm glad someone does.



Theresa: 'cuz I don't.



Theresa: 'cept when I'm thinkin' 'bout sex.
Cory: Do what I do, and do that all the time.



Theresa: I could swing that.



Alright everyone, let's play "spot the storytelling object in-frame and tell me what it does"!

You all lose, probably.



Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: "You all lose, probably." Isn't that the county motto?



Wren: No, I think it's something in Welsh, actually.




Theresa: "Rhyw a marwolaeth," I believe.
Cory: What's that stand for?
Theresa:Men, in, black, uh, eh! ♪



Cory: What?
Theresa: Sorry, you walked right into that.



Cory: What's it actually stand for.
Theresa: You, and the readers, have access to Google Translate.



Cory: That's a strange motto.
Theresa: It's a strange county.



Cory: You could just tell me what it means. Since I'm telling you how to TELEPORT.



Theresa: Sorry, I don't fuck and tell.



Theresa: I do fuck and teleport, though.



Man, I remember interpersonal relations.



I don't miss them, mind you.

I'm just saying I remember them.



Jizelle: 'ello, Co-ree! I 'af made ze cakez of ze pan!
Cory: You're really doubling down on that accent?
Jizelle: Re-inventing yourzelf iz too 'ard.



Laci: He knows all about being too hard.



Cory: All day long, baby.



Theresa: So, what new threats are there on the horizon?
Cory: Let's see… wizards.
Theresa: Wizards?
Cory: Wizards are trending, threat-wise.



Cory: Also gypsy kidnappers.



Cory: And we've had scattered reports of tiny trains falling out of the sky.



Cory: Flashers…



Theresa: People having sex in other people's cars…



Theresa: People honking their horns too insistently…



Theresa: It's a dangerous, nonsensical world out there.



Sheba: .oO(I think all your shit's about to fall down.)



Sheba: .oO(And now it's NOT! Are you a WIZARD? You don't SMELL like a wizard!)



Sheba: .oO(I'm gonna report you to the SCIA. They're on the lookout for wizards.)



Cory: Who's on the lookout for the lookout-on-ers?



Jizelle: My frozen 'air iz back!

It's a didn't-want-to-stare-at-that-beehive-anymore miracle!



Sheba: .oO(I'd like to make a report.)

Next time: at mid-day, all the agents.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 27 December 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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