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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 475


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which positions change.



Victor: What's your favourite position?
William: On top. Duh.



Brooke: I don't care about the position, I just care about the company.



Victor: You know that green and red chick?
William: That's not enough information, but sure, go on.



Victor: She fuuuuucks.



Victor: Her husband's a Murphy.
William: Ew! Why?!

I could say the same thing to Past Grugly.

Past Grugly: What? …oh. The… yeah.

The ceiling.

Past Grugly: Yeah.



Chief: .oO(Dude, you smell like wet dog.)



Victor: So hey, baby, I've got a Sharpe penis.
Brooke: That's okay, I've got an unsliceable vagina.



William: All this talk of vaginas is reminding me of vaginas.



William: Vaginas which are apparently still at work.



Victor: Does your vagina work?
Brooke: Yes! It plays, too.



Victor: You can come in.
Brooke: So can you.



Nick: Welcome to the House of Coming Well.



Nick: …okay, more like wel wel welcome!



Brooke: Right back into you.



Nick: It's not nice to kiss and tel.



Neil: And just like that, POOF! The Quote of the Day search is over.

I dunno, it's not as good without the context.



Valerie: Alright, the coast is clear.
Cynthia: There isn't a coast for miles, idiot.



Cynthia: FOOMPF!

You don't have to say it.

Cynthia: Maybe I like saying it!



Cynthia: Gotta say, super pleased they haven't filled this in yet.



Valerie: We could fill it in now…

She'd murder you.

Valerie: JUST KIDDING



Cynthia: ♪ Everybody's playing, but no-one knows the game ♪



Cynthia: ♪ They pile up their cash, and they stack up their trash, but it'll all turn out the same ♪



Cynthia: ♪ There's ashes on the rooftops ♪

Snow.

Cynthia: ♪ And fire on the hills ♪

Snow.



Cynthia: ♪ But they hide in their homes, and they pilfer their gnomes ♪



Cynthia: ♪ And never know I've changed the rules ♪



Cynthia: ♪ 'cuz they're fools ♪



William: Alright, Chud, let's see what you've brought me.



William: Oh no! A partially off-screen menace!



Neila: …I haven't even SIPPED yet!



William: Hmm. Money is always nice.
Genie: You seem to be doing alright already.
William: 'Alright' is never nice.



William: Yeah, make me richer.
Genie: Metaphorically? With love, and success, and…
William: And money. Lots of money. Literal money. Bury me in it.



Samantha: Outside bathroom is my least favourite bathroom.



Samantha: Alright, Pinky, turn away.



William: I didn't ask you to bury me with my money!
Genie: You really need to be careful with your phrasing, where genies are concerned.



Ah, Sharpesvale.

You are glorious.



William: Who left the hat on the floor?

Someone lazy.

William: Oh, so all of us?



Cynthia: I'M TRYING TO SING HERE



William: Hey, yeah. Got a fifty-year-old teenager there, by any chance?



Uma: That's a conservative estimate, at this point.



Uma: Aw, a home-coming present!



Uma: HOME IS WHERE THE COMING IS



Uma: OKAY, THE COMINGS



WHUMPS

Uma: …home is also where most fatal accidents occur.

I meant to type "WHUMP" but "WHUMPS" is way funnier.



That's an interior window, Will.

William Jr.: I KNEW THAT



Samantha: NOBODY CARES



Nick: Phonebook.

Neat.



Valerie: Do you guys just not go to school anymore?
Neila: We're parachuting straight into idle richitude.



Victor: Call this idle? We're tearing up the dance floor and busting up our moves!



William: Alright, time to save this mess.



WHUMPS

Penny: What was that?
William: The sound of my crotch on your ass, an hour from now.



Penny: I'm in.
William: And I will be!



Bradleigh: WHAT.
Penny: I guess jerks smell a lot like jerky?



William: Marginally clever, but magnificently mean.



Penny: I'm the mayor of mean city, my man.



Penny: I claim this drawer in the name of my name!



William: I love that each outfit has its own pair of boobs.
Penny: What?
William: Boobs.
Penny: What?
William: BOOTS



Penny: "E" for effort.
William: "S" for salivating.



William: Let's not let that saliva go to waste!
Penny: Ew.



William: Are you sure you want to do this?
Penny: The main reason to build up a marriage in this neighbourhood is to tear it down for a sex scene.



William: …so are you sure you want to do this?
Penny: I don't know if I have wants.



Penny: Except maybe not to get crushed by a giant sack of money?
William: I feel you.



William: Can I feel you up?
Penny: And down, and all around!



Cynthia: I knew I should've firebombed the whole resort.



Cynthia: I'll know for my next vendetta.



Cynthia: ♪ Everybody's changin, but no-one knows what to ♪



Cynthia: ♪ They're running their races, and sucking their faces ♪



Cynthia: ♪ And being me and you ♪



Cynthia: ♪ There's snogging in the present ♪



Cynthia: ♪ And carving in the past ♪



Cynthia: ♪ And as they warp and they woo, and they cut and they glue, they let the choice go to their head ♪



Cynthia: ♪ Then they're dead ♪



Penny: Do you hear distant singing?
William: Only a choir of angels.



So, what's your new name?

Confidence: Confidence Daly.

…!

Confidence: You like it?

You're breaking my heart!

And splitting my sides.



Confidence: Oh, Cecilia.



William: ♪ Makin' love in the afternoon ♪

Evening.

William: ♪ with Cecilia ♪

Penny.

William: ♪ Up in my bedroom ♪

Checks out.



Confidence: ♪ I rolled up to change my face ♪



Penny: ♪ My husband's in bed, so now I'm at your place ♪



Nick: WOO! IT'S A TOO-MANY-SONGS PARTY!



Uma: Do flashlights work in outer space?



Penny: This is some pretty tame petting.
William: Love in the Time of Quarantine.



William: Except oops, where'd your shirt go?



William: Inventories! They're not just for furniture anymore.



He's right.

They're also for the Traits Project.



William: …your shirt's on again.
Penny: I love being disassembled, what can I say.



William: You're gonna stop saying, soon, and start screaming.
Penny: …not as-
William: Not as sexy as it sounded in my head, no, you're right, it isn't.



William: …speaking of head…
Penny: No.
William: Right. Of course not. No.



Penny: I want to keep my mouth free for other stuff.



Penny: Like TOTALLY CHASTE HUGGING
William: And COMPLAINING ABOUT IT



Valerie: Could be worse.



William: I think Valerie's been humping her couch.



Penny: Can we do it one more time?
William: Why, are you hoping to make an ultimate composite of multiple shirt-removing shots?



William: I think… we're getting to the end of the chapter?
Penny: Yeah, probably; my fucks are chapter-splitting good.



William: Hey, mine too!



WHACK



Penny: Oh yeah baby, truck-fuck my face.



William: Alright, time for the ultimate in complex mechanical engineering maneuvers.



William: Do I need a keycard for this, or…?



Penny: Just break the damn thing.



SNAP

William: You're right. Disassembly is hot.



Penny: Do you feel bad about doing this to Andrew?
William: If I felt bad about things I do to Andrew, I wouldn't have done so many things to Andrew.



William: Do you feel bad?
Penny: If I do, I can't feel it over that bulge in your pants.



William: The bulge feels you too.



Penny: Let's do this us!

Next time: uh… us-doing!

This chapter depicts gameplay from 28 December 2012 to 30 December 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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