Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which love is good for business.
Alternatively, in which I should've pursued this obvious opportunity to make Richard be gay.
Then again, I know it's a stereotype and everything, but… would a gay person live in this much squalor?
Richard: Cleaning isn't an economically efficient act.
Richard: Hey, you that lady that talks to the crazies? The crazies lady?
Bambi: Are you offering to relieve my crazies burden?
Richard: We offer all sorts of fucking-you services here!
Richard: Even if we don't want to.
Bambi: I think I'll keep my stress, thanks.
Leonard: Which one of you is the therapist? It's the hot one, right?
Leonard: Where're all the prostitutes?
Leonard: Must've been some party.
Richard: Never return.
Richard: I have a business proposition for you!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: I've never been propositioned before.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: I know we're getting close, Richard, but "hoor for me" is a pretty forward suggestion.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Okay, here's my fee: promise to remove that fucking hat from me if it ever comes back.
Richard: I'll remove anything you let me, baby.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: You already removed my virginity.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: We going out?
Richard: Naw, I thought this suit went well with my rustic décor.
Chelsea: IT DOESN'T
William: They must be getting engaged.
William: He only remembers this place exists when he needs to engage someone.
Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: BROOM BROOM BROOM
Yeah, broom broom broom broom.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Did you hear what Wren did?
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Me either.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: It's hard to gossip when you don't talk to anybody.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Because you're scared of a death wizard.
Richard: THE DEATH WIZARD SCARES ME TOO
Joshua: MY IMAGINATION SCARES ME
MY IMAGINATION SCARES ME TOO
That low-slung black cloud also scares me.
Oh, it's just Gina fucking up everybody's day.
Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: I WILL NOT BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED!
Shea: Yeah, new policy: you have to beat us up to get a seat.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: I'll tip 25% if you just make something up.
The fuck is Chelsea doing.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: What're you gonna get?
Richard: FUCK TART
Nikki: We only serve fuck tart in the daytime.
Richard: TART FACE
Lyndsey Price the Witch: I should learn the counterspell for that weather shit. Really piss that green bitch off.
Amin: Or we could just kill her!
Richard: Allow me to spoil my own surprise.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Okay, but I won't allow you to spoil my consumption.
Joshua: I was gonna steal that.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Yep.
Joshua: And eat it.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Yep.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Hear the thunder?
Richard: Lightning and the thunder.
I'm not fucking linking that.
It is the worst song ever written and the worst song ever performed.
Past Grugly: Angle scooch!
Richard: Ooh, we're doing an orbit shot!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Oh my god! It's an obscured thing!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: And there was a ring in the napkin dispenser, too!
Joshua: What a gong show.
Pictured: maybe the first time I used my screenshot utility to take a pic that wasn't porn?
Nikki: Woo, look at us! Coupla morons, liftin' stuff.
Richard: Will you marry me?
Lyndsey Price the Witch: It's very possible.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: They're throwing stuff at us.
Richard: NPCs get so jealous.
Joshua: It's true!
Kiera: At least some of us are dressed for the occasion!
Victor: Hello business man
Richard: Hello suddenly goth dude!
Victor: IT WASN'T SUDDEN
Joshua: Congratulations on your engagement! And your newly sticky palm.
Joshua: Stay sexy!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Stay creepy!
Richard: Mmm, is that perfume?
Stinky Skunk: Nope.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Alright, since I don't see any death happening…
Lyndsey Price the Witch: I guess it's another sex chapter!
Richard: It was a good guess.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: FUCK MY INVISIBLE VAGINA
Lyndsey Price the Witch: …please don't let that be the Quote of the Day.
Richard: We can do better.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: So, have you considered getting a job?
Richard: Hey, if you're offering, get on down there!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: I'm serious.
Richard: I never am.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: The Lyndsey says "Do something with your life!"
Richard: The Richard says "Ew, why? No."
The Emmy says:
Emmy: Aw, bye! Yo.
Richard: Okay, I've got this crazy idea, and it'll stay that way until you validate it for me.
Richard: FUCK PALACE.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Yeah, it'll be, like, a low-rent sexual amusement park. No, it wasn't my idea, good god no.
Richard: COCKROACHES AREN'T WELCOME AT MY FUCK PALACE
He was right! They could do better!
How're you keeping that in your hand?
Richard: Sticky fingers.
What do the Rolling Stones have to do with this?
Richard: You're so old, I don't get your references even though I'm largely a figment of your imagination!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: That's pretty old.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: I don't know how I feel about this idea.
I feel like it's got, oh, maybe fifty pics in it.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Are you just marking time?
The funny thing about doing something every day is, well, that there's a word for that.
Darryl: And the word is sex with Lyndsey!
Darryl: That was a hint.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: It was neither a hint nor a word!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Okay, here's the deal. You get free rein in our house, and you can fuck anybody who wants to fuck you.
Darryl: Why is that worth money?
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Because face it, living in a hovel is better than not living at all.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: So, you want a ticket in the boobs lottery slash a room in Hotel Hovel, or no.
Richard: It's like a brothel, only we don't have to have sex if we don't want to, but you have to pay regardless!
Richard: It's like you give us money to be our friends! And you get the flu, because I have the flu.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I don't think there's a way to phrase this so it sounds worthwhile.
Ally: Whatever, it's not like my money's real.
None of it is.
Darryl: Wanna fuck?
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Want the flu?
This is getting uncomfortably close to reality, guys.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: CLOSE TO REALITY! Now THERE's a selling point for us uncomfortably-unreal characters!
Darryl: Yeah, what the fuck, why not.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Our establishment will be 100% cockroach-free once the trash goes out tomorrow!
The trash goes out immediately.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Oh. Well, forget it then.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Did you forget it?
Lyndsey Price the Witch: WHAT'S A FEW COCKROACHES BETWEEN MONEY FRIENDS
Richard: I think I need to take her off sales.
Ally: Oh, we're pairing off, huh?
Richard: I'm not any happier about it than you are.
Richard: Wanna fuck?
Ally: In the FUCK PALACE?! No!
Ally: I didn't come to the Fuck Palace to FUCK! I came to sit on the couch and brush sparkles off my shoulders.
Richard: That's fuckin' weird.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Sing me a song.
Darryl: ♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Ooh, good choice.
Darryl: ♪ If I had a million dollars, I would buy you a house ♪
Lyndsey Price the Witch: ♪ Instead of buying into ours ♪
Darryl: ♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
Lyndsey Price the Witch: ♪ Or were giving us your dollars ♪
Darryl: ♪ I'd buy you furniture for your house ♪
Lyndsey Price the Witch: ♪ Which is technically what you're doing ♪
Richard: Wanna fuck?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I don't even know what that is.
Richard: Why would you come here, if not to come here?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS EITHER
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GETTING PROPOSITIONED IN THE FUCK PALACE
Richard: Y'all came pre-fucked.
Darryl: WATCH WHERE YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR HANDS! THIS IS A FAMILY RESTAURANT!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Maybe we should just lock you all in here together.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Okay, well… what else would you do, if you had a million dollars?
Darryl: Anything but ♪ buy your loooooove ♪
Darryl: And ♪ I'd buy you an exotic pet, yep, like a llama, or a llama ♪
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I EXPECTED
Richard: Come on, baby, my erection is too big to fail!
Jizelle: I 'ave cornaired you at lazt, roubot monstair!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: I hate these fucking people.
What would you do with a million dollars?
I was expecting ♪ I'd be rich ♪
Richard: I'd also subvert all your expectations.
Richard: So yeah, my milkshake and the ticket machine bring all the boys and girls to my yard slash rooftop.
Madeleine Fancey: The Fancey Exterminator is here!
Katelyn Darga: You should set up a squash court.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: You should go fuck yourself.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Or Richard.
Madeleine: There's no roaches here.
You didn't come here to fight roaches. You paid the cover charge!
Madeleine: Still think I'm gonna fine them.
Okay, it's not a fine. It's a service charge.
Madeleine: You sure? It feels fine!
Jizelle: Do you like the vieou?
Jizelle: The vieoeoeou?
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Less than fifty pics to failure.
Hey, most failures don't even take that long.
Katelyn: BATHROOM HUGS
Lyndsey Price the Witch: WHY
Richard: PLEASE LET ME SERVICE YOU
Lainey: Be shame to waste that hard-on.
Richard: It's not wasted, as long as it's been appreciated.
Lainey: Like it's the 90s again, baby.
Jizelle: Please be brief.
More like please be done!
Next time: I stop saying "next time" and start saying "tomorrow."
If I can bear to break with tradition.
Which I probably can't.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 30 December 2012.