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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 481


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which there's space on the beach.

And in which I slightly change the name of a location because I realize its initials were KK fucking K.



Vicki: IT'S YOURS
Stephen: What?
Vicki: IF YOU WERE WONDERING
Stephen: …what?



Vicki: I guess he wasn't wondering.



He doesn't, often.

GODDAMIT I MISSED THE…



I can fix it, actually.



I saved extra copies of each pic in case I forgot to crop something.

And then left this mini-episode of OCD nonsense in just because I'd already started typing it, so why not.



Vicki: "Why not?" is basically the neighbourhood motto.



Except you're not in your neighbourhood anymore.

Vicki: And yet also I am!



Vicki: And you might be asking, "Why? Why does it work like that, when this is clearly a different country, or at least a different state?"



Vicki: And the answer to that is…

Why not?

Vicki: No, programming limitations.



Vicki: I can see why you thought it was the other thing, though.



Pictured: the greatest image of all time.



Vicki: Oh, do I look sexy?



Stephen: She's a babe, alright.



I'm not really into the fertility idol look, though.



Excuse you!



Vicki: It's my PHONE.

Why is your PHONE up your ASS?



Vicki: Because only assholes have my number.



Stephen: A number of assholes.



Vicki: I should really just change my asshole number.



Vicki: Hi, you've reached Vicki's chain of asshole captions! Leave a message.



Vicki: They won't, because they're an asshole.



Meanwhile look at this asshole.



Stephen: There's other things more worthy of at-looking 'round here.



Stephen: I'm not talking about her asshole.

STOP SAYING ASSHOLE

Stephen: STOP CHAINING CAPTIONS

I DON'T EVEN KNOW I'M DOING IT ANYMORE



That last chapter fucked my head right up.



Stephen: Yeah, it was the chapter that did it, alright.



Fanservice!

I'm doing it wrong.



Stephen: Okay, life, I'm begging you: one fucking suntan.



I was about to beg Past Grugly for one competent picture, but lo!



HAHAHAHA.

Stephen: I was gonna ask Past or Present Grugly how it looked, but lo!



Vicki: Either I'm gonna break my back getting up, or piss myself.



Stephen: Hey! Cool! I don't want to be here for either of those.



Stephen: Especially since you'd probably piss yourself and break your back.



Stephen: My goal of looking the absolute douchiest has been achieved.



I remember what it felt like to achieve goals.



I did it once, decades ago.



SPLAT

Just once.



Vicki: Oh, hey, Survivor's on.



Stephen: No, I think this is Blurry Eye for the Pixellated Guy.



Vicki: Are you trying to win a medal for long-distance television watching?



SPLAT



Vicki: Long distance LOUD television watching?!



Vicki: What was popular in 2013?

Not my journal, that's for sure.



Vicki: We could get that result in any year.



We've actually got some readers lately.

Presumably because I keep updating every day.



Vicki: And giving them sparkling content like "here is a description of what I am doing right now."



Vicki: Or "here is a character commenting on how I am describing what I am doing right now."



Stephen: It's enough to drive a man.

To drink?

Stephen: No, a man already drove himself that far.



Stephen: I wonder what it would be like to drive a man.



Vicki: Did you mean that sexually?
Stephen: I didn't mean anything, it was 4AM and I was drunk.



Vicki: It's just juice.
Stephen: Yeah, and vodka is just grains.



Vicki: OH GOD
Stephen: What?
Vicki: EVERYTHING



Stephen: …specifically, though?
Vicki: NO



Vicki: My whole sorry existence just suddenly started setting in.
Stephen: Aw, you gotta not let it do that!



Stephen: If I did, I would've only unleashed one, maybe two worthless progeny on the world.




Yvonne: That's no good! We're numbers five and six, respectively!

Or is Franklin younger?

Or does anyone care?



Yvonne: I wonder if lawyers do house calls.

Typically not trans-Pacifically.



Yvonne: Oh, yeah.



Faith: I don't think fugitives from justice are allowed to use the justice system, anyway.



Faith: We have to appeal to forces outside the system!



Yvonne: The solar system?



Yvonne: Hey, there's a Chuck in here. I've always wanted to meet a Chuck.



Chuck and Tucker.

That's definitely something.



Faith: Come be a funnily-named duo for us!



Faith: And teach me how to pass my space cadet's exam.



Faith: I miss computers. I really wanted to try Sunless Skies.



Faith: Maybe the genie can magic me a computer.



Tucker: Maybe I can magic your vagina!



Yvonne: I say we swap his in tube with his out tube.



Faith: Or get someone else to do it, it's hot out here.



Faith:so hot, out here.



Tucker: You think you're hot.



Faith: So take it off, already!
Tucker: I don't want you to see my scrawny toned ass!



Faith: I'm gonna strike you with this bag of rocks until you tell me how you did that thing with the strikethrough.



Faith: Yvonne's gonna invite a guy who looks like a zombie I once saw.
Tucker: Like… is that her reason?



Faith: No, her reason is that her standards are low because our lives are ruined because we ruined them.



Faith: And our dad's. Especially our dad's.



Faith: In fairness, he ruined ours too.



Faith: So really we're just continuing his legacy!
Yvonne: That's right, sis, you weave that convoluted excuse-chain!



Tucker: So, why are you two lovely ladies bumming it on a beach?
Faith: You have something better for my bum to do?



Tucker: I will pay you for bum fun.
Yvonne: Okay! Aerial bombardment it is!



Yvonne: There will be NO butt stuff in THIS story.
Tucker: That's homophobic.
Yvonne: There will be no heterosexual butt stuff in this story!
Tucker: That's buttphobic.



Faith: I am afraid of assholes.
Yvonne: Don't read the first half of the chapter, then.



Faith: Welp, I still like you, I guess.
Tucker: I say that to myself in the mirror every day.



Yvonne: What?! The police chief is DEAD? Okay, yes, one of the police chiefs is dead?!
Faith: Does that mean we can go home?
Tucker: No, I don't think your crimes against humanity resided entirely in one cop's mind.



Faith: Ew, she's clipping.
Tucker: YUCK! I can't look!



Yvonne: Alright, let's get this Chuck n' Tucker rolling.



Yvonne: Or I guess you could pretend you have something better to do with your Maxis hair and Maxis eyes and MAXIS CLOTHES AND MAXIS FACE



Faith: Guy melted.
Tucker: Heard 'bout that.



Faith: Guys don't typically.
Tucker: Melt.
Faith: Yeah.



Faith: Girl sloughed.
Tucker: More frequent.



Yvonne: Okay, so if ALL the cops die?
Chuck: Still wouldn't help.

well



Yvonne: And that's how Grugly went to jail!



Yvonne: It was worth it.



Yvonne: Right?



Yvonne: I think he actually might have gone to jail.
Faith: Don't be ridiculous, who else would be typing this?
Yvonne:
Faith: DON'T THINK ABOUT IT



Faith: I think my dad is cosplaying as Predator on vacation.



Faith: He's got the hair down, but not the being good at anything.



Faith: Except witnessing the death of a zombie cowboy.
Tucker: That's a thing you can be good at?!



Yvonne: Hey CHUCK!
Chuck: I suck?
Yvonne: AWW HOW'D YOU KNOW



Tucker: Do you suck?
Faith: Depends on the hose.



Faith: But you won't ever require that information, regardless.



Faith: Now, regard me more.



Chuck: This one's cuter, you take the other one.



Yvonne: I say we drown them both.



Faith: I say we drown in them both!



Tucker: How would that even.



Tucker: Like my space-talk? I occasionally leave off the last.
Faith: Only marginally more irritating than some of what they say on Firefly!



♪ Take my shoes, take my pants, even take my underpants ♪



♪ It don't matter, I'm still here, 'cuz it's daily update year ♪



♪ Take me out to the beach, hope you brought your mental bleach ♪



♪ Drown the townies in the sea ♪



♪ You can't take the Sims from me ♪

Next time: devotion of the ocean.

♪ You can't take the Sims from meeeee ♪

This chapter depicts gameplay from 5 January 2013 to 6 January 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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