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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 482


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which two are had and held.



Yvonne: I hope none of them are that guy.



Yvonne: Hey, that guy.
Chuck: My name is Chuck.
Yvonne: That was a joke from last chapter.



Chuck: No, it's my name from my name!



Chuck: Anyway I just came to confirm that you assholes are here, so I can narc on you to ENTROPY for that sweet, sweet reward which probably isn't death.



CONK

Yvonne: If you're willing to settle for death, though, I can spare you a trip.



GLURK

Chuck: GLURK



CONK



Yvonne: Teach you to reject my flirts. And also plot our destruction.



Faith: Don't stand in the death trail, honey.



Yvonne: Remember: it can't be a thousand-yard stare if you point it at the ground.



Yvonne: Unless you're flying.



Tucker: I suddenly have a renewed sense of the importance of life!
Faith: Yeah, Yvonne will do that to you. When she does what she does to other people.



Tucker: Man, even rain can't make this spot less romantic!
Faith: What about death?
Tucker: Meh. Death is no big thing, when you're from space. Did you know space is almost one hundred percent deadly?



Faith: I'm starting to like this immaculately-curated cemetery we live in.



Yvonne: It's not bad, eh? Unlike me.



Tucker: Your sister's pretty bad.
Faith: If you start thinking she's not, tell me. Immediately.



Tucker: …she's naked.
Faith: Literally nothing to see there you can't see on me.



Faith: Let me put my me on you.



Faith: I can't believe there's still things like that to say which haven't been said already.



Faith: Stop looking at her.
Tucker: But she's-
Faith: STOP LOOKING AT HER.



Tucker: I CLOSE MY EYES WHEN I KISS



Tucker: And maybe when I fuck?



Tucker: Not that the local privacy level permits fucking.



Faith: Turn around, and guess what that porcelain sculpture over there says about our current standards for privacy vis-á-vis bodily functions.



Tucker: Ew.



Tucker: I mean ew! I mean not ew.



Tucker: Yep! I close my eyes, alright.



Faith: This is definitely an eye-closing experience!



Faith: God dammit, Yvvy.



Yvonne: He's too late, I've already damned it myself.



Yvonne: I am the "it" to which I am referring.



Tucker: She's quite the "it" girl, alright.



Faith: Ugh.



Tucker: IT WAS NO WORSE THAN ANY OTHER REFERENCE



Tucker: The ocean and I have a question for you.



Faith: I didn't know you knew the ocean!
Tucker: I knew you in the ocean!
Faith: That's true.



SPLASH

Faith: OH MY GOD!
Yvonne: HE'S SPLASHING THE QUESTION!



Tucker: Will you marry me?
Faith: Is that Tucker talking, or the ocean?



Faith: Fuck it, I'll take you both.



Tucker: One of these days we're gonna slip and fall and break our necks and drown.
Faith: That's a lovely wedding vow.



Yvonne: So, who should I kill as a wedding gift?



Yvonne: I guess I could stop killing. As a wedding gift.

Or be the gift!

The gift that keeps on killing.



Tucker: You guys have, like, precisely the same body.
Faith: And since you're thinking it, no, that is not sufficient excuse for "accidentally" having sex with my sister.



Tucker: Aw, we can read each other's thoughts!



Tucker: Yours are scary.



And now, a marrial at sea.



Do you, Tucker Fuckman, take-

Tucker: That's not my last name.
Faith: Whew! I definitely didn't want it to be mine.



Alright, whatever, skip the vows and slip the rings.

Faith: Water weddings are fast!



I now pronounce you Eb and Flo.



You may kill the husband.



Faith: If this kills him…
Tucker: …it'll be worth it.



Faith: How big a ballsack do you need to support a dick that big?
Tucker: There's a chart somewhere.



Tucker: I left it on my spaceship.



Faith: You married a beach bum. You don't have a spaceship.
Tucker: I don't? WHO STOLE MY SPACESHIP?!



Faith: Don't look, Yvonne.
Yvonne: I'm not, but it's not like I can't hear you!



Faith: Hearing is okay.



Faith: UNGAUNGAUNGAUNGA
Tucker: HOWBWOWBWOWOWOOOOOO
Yvonne: HEARING IS NOT OKAY



Yvonne: Are you both having a heart attack?



Yvonne: I heart your attack.



I wish Lance could see what's possible with a Maxis skintone.

'cuz I mean, look at that.



Tucker: It's not really Maxis, anyway. Maxis don't got tits.



Tucker: Or, I guess, nips.



Tucker: Nipples and tits.

Nipples and tits!

Tucker: I'm going to get me some nipples and tits!



Tucker: And keep them.



Tucker: My everything is wet.



Tucker: My everything is wet.
Faith: Oh.



Faith: Well, I guess I don't need to ask if you had pleasant dreams, then.



Tucker: Spacemen dream of electric space-sheep.



Tucker: Which isn't pleasant at all. The buzzing. The baa-ing!



Tucker: Is there a name for this aesthetic we're building?

Beachpunk?

Beachbumpk?



Tucker: I like beachbumpk.



Faith: I just like bums.



Yvonne: I just like unconsciousness.

It's pretty great.



Faith: You know, it's probably racist for you to wear that.
Tucker: I'm not racist, I'm spacist!



Tucker: Now excuse me while I make you attractive.



Faith: I'm gonna have a hard time excusing that phrasing.



Tucker: If you can't excuse phrasing, you and I are gonna have a hard time together.



Tucker: Not that I'm averse to hard times with you!



Tucker: That was a reference to sex.
Faith: Everything is a reference to sex.



Tucker: You know, it's probably racist for you to wear that. Skin.



Faith: Tucker is a dog's name.

Yeah.



Yvonne: Hey, sweet!
Faith: Don't call me sweet.



Yvonne: Wait, you're tanned too?
Faith: It's almost like we have the EXACT SAME SKINTONE and it's the EXACT SAME AGE and it's been in the EXACT SAME SUN for the EXACT SAME AMOUNT OF TIME!



Yvonne: And we're attracted to the exact same your husband.



Yvonne: Only I have the benefit of being dangerous.



Faith: To yourself, too, perhaps.



Faith: Certainly to the plumbing.

Next time: outliers.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 6 January 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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