Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which you can go home again, but only briefly.
Andrew: I don't actually care if we go into any more dorms, you know.
Andrew: The main things that happened here were me cheating on my girlfriend, and Melanie dying.
Andrew: And only the cheating on my girlfriend worked out well.
Andrew: For a given definition of "well."
Vanessa: Give it to me.
Andrew: That's what she said.
Andrew: Okay, here's my definition of "worked out well": it didn't cause anybody to die.
Vanessa: Except it probably did, because if you'd been closer to Cameron she might not have, you know, invited the zombies to eat all her dorm-mates?
Andrew: I never thought about it that way.
Vanessa: Hahaha, of course you didn't.
Vanessa: You man, you.
Vanessa: They all come with faulty introspection subroutines.
Andrew: The routine gets caught in a masturbation loop.
Laci III: HELP
Andrew: Did you hear that?
Vanessa: What, did you fart or something?
Andrew: What are "cultural studies," anyway?
Vanessa: Racism, mostly.
Vanessa: You have to really work at it, these days.
Andrew: Know what I'd like to really work at?
Vanessa: I'll make you a deal. Kill Michael, and I'll marry you.
Andrew: And what do you want in return?
Andrew: I think my body broke.
Andrew: You need to stop thinking about the past.
Vanessa: That's where most things are, though!
Vanessa: Are you offering me a future?
Andrew: Yes! That's much vaguer than a rose garden.
Vanessa: Promise me a rose garden, too.
Andrew: Sure, as long as I get to plant it.
Vanessa: You just committed to plant a rose garden.
Andrew: I just made a sex joke.
Vanessa: Nope nope, you're going to the garden centre tomorrow.
Andrew: There is no garden centre.
Vanessa: Guess you're gonna have to open one, then.
Vanessa: Damned it is!
Andrew: And it feels so good.
Vanessa: Know what probably doesn't feel good?
Andrew: My ancient ass?
Vanessa: Your ancient ass!
Vanessa: Hey, it's not actually that bad!
Andrew: You're not touching it yet.
Vanessa: That's why!
Andrew: So, you're just gonna hoverhand it, then?
Vanessa: I never promised you an ass-grabbin'.
Vanessa: Your shoulders are boney.
Andrew: They're not the only thing.
Vanessa: Oh! No, they're certainly not.
Andrew: Again with the hands.
Vanessa: Maybe you just need to get fatter.
Andrew: Got a chubby goin' on right now!
Around here we just use the word "penis."
The starkness of it is amusing to me.
Andrew: Do we have to go back?
Vanessa: I've got kids.
Andrew: Let the Social Worker have 'em.
Vanessa: I can tell you'd make a fantastic husband.
Andrew: They should've called this Cecilia's Pride.
Vanessa: Oh. Uh… I don't know this guy.
Andrew: Wasn't he the… hmm. No.
Vanessa: Oh! Uh… Skylar? Skyler? Something like that? Dressed like Rick Grimes, before Rick Grimes did.
Vanessa: Oh! Ben with the hard name. I remember Ben with the hard name! He had a hard name.
Andrew: Danielle… Danielle… nope, not ringing a bell.
Vanessa: Some of these people are clearly made-up.
Andrew: Perhaps all of them?
Vanessa: Oh, this was the scary one! Bigfoot stole his name, later.
Vanessa: Some of the profs died, too, huh? That's probably for the best.
Andrew: This one just says "A Rape Llama." God. Did we honestly call them that, back then?
Vanessa: Addison is a girl's name.
Andrew: Ooh, this one I know! I know one of these, Vanessa! I know… one of these. Holy shitjesus.
Andrew: At least on The Walking Dead you usually know who the victims are.
Vanessa: This has been depressing in a whole different way than I expected.
Andrew: Yeah, I only know the ones who came from away.
Vanessa: THIS ISN'T DISTRACTING ME PROPERLY
Andrew: Perhaps a danse macabre will take your mind off it.
♪ There are places I'll remember, all my life, though some have changed ♪
♪ Some forever, not for better ♪
Vanessa: For better.
♪ Some have gone, and some remain ♪
Vanessa: They all remain. They just might as well have gone.
♪ All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends, I still can recall ♪
Andrew: And make new ones!
♪ Some are dead and some are living ♪
Vanessa: ♪ and have asses ♪
♪ In my life, I've loved them all ♪
Vanessa: I maybe liked one or two of them.
♪ But of all these friends and lovers ♪
Andrew: ♪ and nobodies ♪
♪ There is no-one compares with you ♪
Vanessa: Good grammar, there.
♪ And these memories lose their meaning ♪
Vanessa: Here's hoping.
♪ When I think of love as something new ♪
Andrew: Most people prefer to think of lust.
♪ Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things, that went before ♪
Andrew: …maybe some of them.
♪ I know I'll often stop and think about them ♪
Vanessa: …maybe sometimes.
♪ In my life, I love you more ♪
Andrew: You know what?
♪ In my life ♪
Andrew: ♪ I love you…
Vanessa: …more ♪
Andrew: We skipped a chorus.
Vanessa: They got the idea.
Vanessa: Somebody needs to turn the lights off, here.
Andrew: I think that's what we've been doing.
Vanessa: Haha, yeah! Metaphors.
Andrew: I'm really glad we came.
Vanessa: Yeah, me too! Usually just the dude does.
Vanessa: Seriously though thank you.
Vanessa: This trip meant a lot to me.
Andrew: Nobody even died!
Vanessa: Nobody even died.
Andrew: Lot of dead nobodies, though.
Vanessa: And a couple of live somebodies.
Andrew: Some bodies is right.
Vanessa: Well. Mine.
Andrew: Mine's still good!
Vanessa: Yours is acceptable.
Vanessa: And mine is failing.
Veronica: And that's how you do homework!
Brett: What if I don't have a smart friend to seduce, though?
Vanessa: You can borrow mine, but only for homework purposes. He comes pre-seduced.
Poppy: Bring me with you!
Vanessa: I've done that long enough, thanks.
Vanessa: So yeah, I'm leaving. I'll buy you a live-in maid or something.
Veronica: Or don't!
Veronica: There's an invisible sex rug floating in space between the floors.
Vanessa: I'll have to remember to take that with me.
Vanessa: …wow. That much, huh? No wonder they're always begging for donations.
Veronica: Mom's buying a dorm.
Brett: Oh boy, oh boy! What's a dorm?
Brett: Have fun sleeping with freshmen!
Brett: Veronica explained it to me.
Brett: I don't know why you can't get fresh sleep here, but hey! Whatever.
Vanessa: How come neither of you are upset about this?
Veronica: Check your tailpipe to find out.
Brett: Hoo-whee she stank!
Veronica: That's what poor people smell like.
Brett: I hate poor people now!
Veronica: It's the first step to being a proper rich person!
Blazej: You're not getting in my cab.
Vanessa: You were talking to the stink cloud, presumably.
Blazej: That's right. I don't give rides to gases.
Blazej: They fill ALL the available space, you know.
Blazej: What if I want to pick up some solid fares along the way?
Vanessa: ♪ In myyyyy life… ♪
♪ I love you, more! ♪
Next time: I almost forget to post this chapter oh my gosh.
Next time for reals: youth, two different ways.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 28 January 2013.