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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 491


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which 2013 moves quickly when it hits my least favourite households.



Stewart:hey.

Hey, how you doin'?



Elle: Hey!
Stewart: How you doin'?

NO.

Stewart: What?

WE'RE NOT DOING LAST CHAPTER AGAIN.



Stewart: Okay, well, I know some other things I'd like to do…



Stewart: This isn't one of them.



Stewart: Stewart. Stew-art!
Dominic: Pass.



Stewart: Stewart.
Dominic: Teddy bear.
Stewart: STEWART.
Dominic: TEDDY BEAR.



Stewart: Aw, he nicknamed me "Teddy Bear!"



Stewart: That's kinda sexual, though, for your dad.



Stephen: Oh, look! The walking bottle's here.



Stewart: STEWART.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: PANCAKES



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Leftovers, actually.



Dominic: Leftovers!
Stewart: STEWART!



Stewart: Stewart…



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Snowart!



Flamingo: .oO(Should we call someone?)



Stewart: And for my next trick, I shall give you a cold!
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: HE'S MAGIC ALRIGHT



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'M STUPID ALRIGHT



Leonard: Hey stupid! I'm alive now.



Leonard: And I can feel it.



Leonard: I haven't forgotten the circumstances of my death.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: No? I have.



Leonard: YOU'RE LOOKING.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Yes?
Leonard: …GOOD



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: You're good-looking.
Leonard: That's semantically identical.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: You're semantically identical.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: With fucking me.
Leonard: Sure, whatever.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Hey, you know TOWNIES?!
Leonard: Yes?!
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: What's up with THEM.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: And how dead they are.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I think I'm going crazy.



Leonard: I think you're right.



Leonard: Come kiss da-da!
Rebel: I ain't kissin' no shoes.

♪ Who you gonna kiss? NO SHOES! ♪



Leonard: He looks good!
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: No, he doesn't.
Leonard: No, he doesn't.



Leonard: He looks good, though.



Leonard: Takes after his pa.

No, he doesn't.



Leonard: No, he doesn't.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: We now interrupt this repetition with a special birdcast.



Fare thee well, Sir Wally.



I have a parrot who looks exactly like this, minus the whole being dead thing, so this image legitimately upsets me.



It's not like the parrot and I are on excellent terms.

I just don't want her dead.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Yeah, I feel you feelin' me.



Leonard: Would you like to feel me feelin' you?



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: It feels about how I expected.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Oh, you're gonna make me bend? Nice.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Then again, I guess I did make you break.



Leonard: Sure, remind me of my last death right before my next fuck.



Leonard: LUCKILY NOTHING TOPS LIBIDO



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: And nothing tops bottoms.



Leonard: YOUR GREEN VAGINA IS VERY NICE



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: SOMETIMES IT TALKS



Leonard: What does it say?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I don't know, I don't speak vagina.



Leonard: I bet the nuance is in the squishes.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'd be surprised to find anything with nuance around here.



You've got EVIL in your NAME.

You don't get to talk shit about NUANCE.



Bug spray?

Leonard: SNOW spray!



Leonard: Ha! Got it.



Stewart: …alright, Blazej, take me back to the theatre.



Blazej: Drive back to the theatre, got it!



Stewart: Hey, Len.
Leonard: Stewart!
Stephen: AT LEAST SOMEBODY CAN SAY IT!



Stewart: 1-800-FUCK-THE-WORLD.



Stewart: HELLO IS THIS 1-800-FUCK-THE-WORLD?
Phone: No, this is 1-800-FUCK-THE. That's how phone numbers work.



Apparently today, this is how pregnancy works.



Stewart: It works for me.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I like you a lot better with less talking.



Stewart: I wasn't listening. What was that about how you like me a lot?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: …sure.



Stewart: You'll have to teach me that glowing trick sometime.



Stewart: Maybe I can sell this bathwater afterwards.



Nothing like taking care of someone else's kid, eh?

Stewart: Oh, I dunno. You didn't re-roll the genetics between me and Leonard, so we're basically the same person.



I dunno, that might be true.

Stewart: Why wouldn't it be true?

'cuz a guy in tails and tophat told it.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: .oO(I have PLENTY of NUANCE)



You missed a spot.



Hey, not bad!

Almost makes me sorry he'll never grow up.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: …what?

Not because of anything nasty, just because time has basically slowed to a crawl now.

Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Yeah, I can feel it in my hips.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: But that might just be the pregnancy.



Stewart: Greetings, Your Pregnancy!



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Kneel, Sir Taindoom.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Oh, that reminds me. Bird's dead.



Stewart: We have a bird?

And that's why you don't, now.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I TELEPORTED INTO CLOTHING



Stewart: IT'S THE MAGIC OF NOT CARING!



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Not caring is my favourite superpower.



Stewart: Do you care about me?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Every superhero needs a weakness.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Mine is poor taste in men.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: But not poor tastin' men!



And then she ate him.



OKAY TYLOPODA

YOU'RE BEING VERY RUDE



Stewart: Oh, look, our bookend service is here.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I love me some cyclical narrative!



Elle: You like that guy?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: There's something to be said for the permanently-attainable.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Not a lot, but something.

Eighty-eight somethings, apparently, and not a thing more.

Next time: five less than that.



HOW DID THIS TAKE LESS TIME THAN CHAPTER 490?!

oh wait it's half as long

This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 February 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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