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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 494


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which the pics look so good it's like hey, asshole, why're you still taking them with the in-game camera, it's time to move on up.



Minus the neighbourhood background scenery, which is still…



…hey is there a way we can improve whatever system handles that?

By "we" I obviously mean the "not-including-me" we.



Wander: My favourite wes don't include him.

Why are you over there now.

Wander: Game probably crashed.

…yeah, maybe forget what I said about the background scenery thing.



Sure looks like someone cranked his picture settings up, though.

Begs the question of why they were cranked down…



Vanessa: Well crank me down!



Andrew: This here's my bae.



Andrew: Hae, baebae.



Vanessa: That produced physical pain.



Vanessa: So, well done!



Andrew: Wander, this is-
Wander: I remember.
Andrew: …right, of course you do.
Vanessa: I don't!



Vanessa: Please don't take this the wrong way, lady, but you look like a girl version of Andrew.



Andrew: That's the kind of discerning eye I'd expect from a woman with such tremendous taste in men!
Vanessa: I do have a lot of it!



Wander: Are you two… serious?
Andrew: Yeah, why?
Wander: I thought you already had a wife.
Andrew: Yeah, but I don't know who's having her right now, wherever she is.



Vanessa: Sharpestone.
Andrew: What?
Vanessa: Missing wife: probably at Sharpestone.



Wander: She has a point!
Andrew:
Wander: Kind like how William's nine-inch dick has a point!
Andrew: …



Well have you seen Polythene Pam



♪ She's so good-lookin' but she looks like a man ♪



Nathaniel: ♪ Although she isn't in drag, you know her face is a gag ♪



Vanessa: ♪ Oh can you playyyyy Polythene Pam ♪
Franklin: Not for NOBODY.



Vanessa: Am I nobody?
Mallory: Doesn't really mean anything, coming from FRANKLIN.



Franklin: ♪ She came in through the bathroom window ♪
Vanessa: ♪ Or actually the front porch door ♪
Franklin: ♪ But now she sucks her thumb and wanders ♪
Vanessa: ♪ Around her new home's first floor ♪



Franklin: ♪ Didn't anybody tell her ♪
Vanessa: ♪ Didn't anybody see ♪
Franklin: ♪ Sunday's on the phone to Monday ♪
Vanessa: ♪ That doesn't make sense to me ♪



Franklin: Welcome to the family.
Vanessa: I passed the test?
Franklin: Yes, you passed the failure test.



WEDNESDAY: Invisible mop.



Andrew: Neat.



Vanessa: GOT SOMETHIN' VISIBLE FOR YOU TO MOP



Andrew: Hey, can I run some ideas past you?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: No, but you can run them into me. That came out wrong.



Andrew: You're pretty hot when I can't see you.
Mallory: So's your brother.



Mallory: Your brother, my LOVE INTEREST.
Andrew: We're identical, you know. He and I.
Mallory: Yes, except for almost everything about you. Yes.



Angelica: …okay, I'm pretty sure this is where I get the Shield Key.



Andrew: Mom! You're not wearing your new outfit.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Andrew! You're wearing that boring vacation one still.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Where'd your tweed go?
Andrew: I dunno. I'm probably done with tweed.

DAMMIT



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: …"dammit?"

I SPENT SO MUCH TIME ON… SOMETHING… TO DO… WITH YOUR TWEED.

Andrew: His anger is almost, but not quite, strong enough to make him spoil his secret.



Andrew: So, we haven't talked much, lately.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: APPARENTLY



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Alright, well, this should help.
Andrew: Is it what I asked for? In between pics?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yes, it's that thing! Which we won't mention again, because we know what it is.



Andrew: Thanks! It'll be invaluable for the plan I outlined.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: On the phone.
Andrew: Yeah, off-screen.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Good luck with this very important thing!
Andrew: Thanks! It feels good to know about it.



She has vunderful muscles.



Andrew: See, this is why I don't like you fuckers messing with my stuff.



Emerson: I don't want to show this to dad. Can I use you as my report card surrogate?



Angelica: What.



Angelica: WHAT.



Angelica:



Angelica: WHAT?!



Wander: We got the action queue message!
FRIDAY: You're leaving? Why? Are you going to find my skin?
Amin: I wouldn't bother, he's probably gonna fry himself again in, like, an hour.



Wait, you're ALL leaving?

Mallory: Yes, and we'll sorely miss all the pleasant memories we have of this place.
Nathaniel: Angelica fucking our uncle.
Franklin: Kyle burning to death.
Mallory: Several years in a naked shithole.



Wander: Think of all that TWO Andrews could accomplish!
FRIDAY: Like finding my SKIN.
Wander: Or other, more INTERESTING things!



Andrew: Be safe out there.
Angelica: How.



I've got some plot armour lying around here somewhere you can have.



Vanessa: Man! I can see why you wanted that back!
FRIDAY: That BACK is PRECISELY what I want!



Vanessa: Sorry, I can't really form deep, trusting relationships anymore. Because REASONS.
FRIDAY: I wasn't hoping for trust, but I was hoping to go deep.
Wander: …so, when are you ALL leaving?



Wander: I feel like Vanessa's going to be a distraction for him. We could have three full-time Scientist Supremes!



Wander: We could make Alvin a Scientist Supreme, and call ourselves "Abigail Young and the Scientist Supremes"!



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: We cooooould!



Andrew: So, how are you and FRIDAY getting along?
WEDNESDAY: I call him Fried Egg now.



WEDNESDAY: Because I want to serve him up on a plate and have someone eat him.



Andrew: So… better, then!



Andrew: I feel like just taking the stairs would be easier on my back.

There's no door to your study.

Andrew: I feel like copying Sharpestone is beneath me.



Andrew: Speaking of beneath me, man! Vanessa's got moves. Man.



Wander: See what I mean?



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: No, because he's upstairs, and I can't hear him. Let's keep SOME SEMBLANCE of coherent reality in this story, can we, please?



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Anyway, it'll be fine. Andrew's not as focused as me, but I'm sure he'll be able to come up with, oh, I dunno, an artificial life-form that turns against him and becomes the antagonist of the next major arc, or whatever terrible, interesting thing you're hoping will happen.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: All the best scientists in fiction end up causing more harm then good. A little distraction is maybe not a bad thing, all things considerered.



Wander: I just think he spends too much time considering his thing.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: He's a dude. They've got a near-constant clarion call-girl call going off in their piddly little brains.
Vanessa: Preach it, sister!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Clam it, secondary.



Wander: But I mean… what's next? What if he goes after his jailbird ex? I don't think I could handle sharing a house with two love interests I was in love with before I was born.



Wendell: Alright, where's Amin?



Penny: Those your report cards? Let me see.
Dirk: THEY COME PRE-SEEN



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: At the end of the day, Andrew's life is Andrew's life.
Wander: No, at the end of the day Andrew's life is ALSO MY LIFE!



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: You're like the daughter I never had, Wander.
Wander: You HAVE daughters.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yeah, but they suck.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: They suck baaaaaad!



Vanessa: I was pretty proud of this plate of sandwiches, but there's always someone doing something cooler, now, isn't there.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Personally I don't think anything is cooler than a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Also apparently someone blew up my bedroom?



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Which is fine, the ambiance is appropriately witchy.



Andrew: Yeah, that's definitely why I did it.



Andrew: …and now I'm thinking about why I did it.

Cameron.

Andrew: Cameron.



Andrew: I wanna kick her in her cheating parts.



Andrew: Quote of the Day?

Quote of the Day.



Andrew: Well! No point starting anything new today, then!



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I've got a good thirty pics of brewing left, thank you very much.



Andrew: Turn it upside down.

What?

Andrew: The image. Turn it upside-down!



Andrew: You know what I mean, asshole.



Andrew: You see it, right?

Yeah, I see it.

Why is why you see it.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Thanks for the extra pics! Got some new snail vomit or whatever shit stirred up!



Dirk: Ewwwwww.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yeah, I'll admit, as a mechanical engineer this magic science is a bit too biological for my tastes.



FRIDAY: Oh, this is one of those episodes where I must face my deepest fear, huh?



FRIDAY: Those always end well.

They actually do!



Andrew: Which is a great lesson for real life.

Yeah, I should, like, endanger all my loved ones and destroy my career, because FEAR IS ALWAYS BAD



Andrew: Fiction! Teaching us dumb bullshit since… LINE

1800 BCE.

Andrew: …since 1800 BCE! Thanks, historian. Wait… what's that in ASV?

…hmm.

I'll get back to you on that.

Or forget.



Bethany: I strongly recommend forgetting.



Bethany: Forgetting! It's what's for I don't remember.



Andrew: How do you get sentences like that straight in your head?

I don't get them straight. That's how they end up the way they do.



Andrew: Your insane ramblings have prompted a breakthrough!

That's what B-plots are supposed to do for A-plots.



And then there's, like… D-plots.



FRIDAY: That should be his new nickname. D-Plots.
WEDNESDAY: YES! The hair-man from outer space is BO-RING!



WEDNESDAY: Oh, this is one of those episodes where I must face a deadly enemy and prevail, huh?



WEDNESDAY: Those always end-

FIZZ

WEDNESDAY: …well…



FZZZZZZZZKRRRKLE



WEDNESDAY: D-PLOTS D-PLOTS D-PLOTS D-PLOTS



WEDNESDAY: D-PLOTS D-PLOTS D-PLOTS D-PLOTS



WEDNESDAY: D-PLOTS D-PLOTS D-PLOTS D-PLOTS
Valerie: More like F-PLOTS!



Valerie: The seasons are changing…

Yes. Now is the winter of our disconduction.



Valerie: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR MAKING UP WORDS



Vanessa: Pff. Actions don't have consequences.



Vanessa: Inaction, though…
FRIDAY: What's the point, I'm basically a tertiary character at this point.



Vanessa: From what I hear, you were lucky to get that far.



Vanessa: Not many plot devices get to have names.



Andrew: Can… you… get… engaged… to… more… than… one…



Vermiculo, Crimson Cloud of the North: FILL MY SACK
Angelica: I WILL MAKE OF THEM TO YOU A PRESENT



Oh, no, my bad, she was just dropping off a vase.



Andrew: You need to weld that character in here somehow, though, that was awesome.



FOOMPF

Yeah, not enough awesome around here already.



Andrew: POIIIIINT TAAAAAKEN



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Hey, what you dumb fuckers not doin' down here?

Next time: consequences are for secondaries.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 18 February 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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