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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 496


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which school's in for summer.



Cameron Price the Witch: I don't remember this place having establishing shots when we went here.



Cameron Price the Witch: I do remember it being the source of all the misery in my life, though!



Andrew: Where does one stop something, if not the source?



Cameron Price the Witch: I've never been in this building.
Andrew: Nobody has.

I didn't even know it had an "in."



Cameron Price the Witch: Well, if it's never been occupied, it should be private!



So NOW he puts the molding up.



Andrew: The Maker has problems with his past, too.



Cameron Price the Witch: I say we turn our problems into fetish fuel.



Cameron Price the Witch: We can harness all our disappointments and regrets into sex!
Andrew: I don't want to have harness sex, though.



Cameron Price the Witch: So, this building.
Andrew: Yeah.
Cameron Price the Witch: Named after Cecilia.
Andrew: Yeah.
Cameron Price the Witch: Kinda…
Andrew:yeah.



♪ Jump from a crack, break your fuckin' back



I bet they named it after Cecilia because it's empty inside.

Or, it was.



Now it is as it was.

Again.



Andrew: This story is one long description of one man going insane.




Andrew: We're here.
Cameron Price the Witch: Yes. I know. I'd have a hard time forgetting the scene of my crime, Andrew.



Cameron Price the Witch: At least they washed up all the blood, and goo, and such.



Andrew: No, those were early days, we didn't have blood and goo and such. We don't even have it yet!



Cameron Price the Witch: Something to look forward to, then.



Cameron Price the Witch: I wonder if anything interesting's grown on the gum under my bed yet.



Andrew: I wonder if there's anything interesting in your mouth.



Cameron Price the Witch: Just my words!
Andrew: Those are too interesting.



Andrew: Like, "May you live in interesting times" interesting.



Cameron Price the Witch: It's like I never left.

In a sense, you never did.



Andrew: ANGSTUS INTERRUPTUS



Cameron Price the Witch: "Angstus."
Andrew: It's an approximation.



Andrew: SIM LATIN IS DIFFERENT OKAY



Cameron Price the Witch: Kinda like you, huh?



Cameron Price the Witch: But I like your difference.
Andrew: Aww.
Cameron Price the Witch: It helps me differentiate you from my other victims.



Cameron Price the Witch: Which is to say everybody.



Andrew: Yeah, everybody hates you alright.



Andrew: Luckily I hate everybody.



Cameron Price the Witch: Except my body.
Andrew: Only while it's got your you in it.



Cameron Price the Witch: That was romantic.
Andrew: Yes, not liking corpses is super romantic.



Andrew: I'm glad we came back here.
Cameron Price the Witch: We didn't come back here. We came on the floor, as I recall.



Andrew: OH YEAH BABY KISS MY CORDUROY



Andrew: AND MY KISSING PARTS IF THERE'S TIME



Cameron Price the Witch: I've always got time for kissing parts.



Cameron Price the Witch: Now get down here and kiss my parts.



Andrew: Don't give me that look!



Andrew: She just showed up!



Cameron Price the Witch: Under you.
Andrew: Yes!



Cameron: With your dick in her.
Andrew: Stop making it sound so stupid!



Cameron Price the Witch: Continuity.
Andrew: I'm more of a change kind of guy, honestly.



Cameron Price the Witch: Change hasn't been good to me.



Andrew: Yeah, honestly, I don't know why I keep letting it back into my life.



Andrew: Hey, baby, this is my sexyface.



Cameron Price the Witch: I've got one too.



Andrew: Let's put them together.



BRINGBRINGBRING



Cameron Price the Witch: I think somebody wants you to bring them something.



Cameron Price the Witch: OR you could strangle me like Black Widow.



Cameron Price the Witch: Whichever comes first.
Andrew: Hopefully you came first.
Cameron Price the Witch: Yes, hopefully.



Andrew:did you, though?
Cameron Price the Witch: A girl's gotta have her-
Andrew: NO



Andrew: …no!



Andrew: So, you gonna answer that?
Cameron Price the Witch:



Cameron Price the Witch: It's not the same phone. IT'S NOT THE SAME PHONE



Cameron Price the Witch: I'M GONNA BARF IN YOUR TOILET



Cameron Price the Witch: So you have to clean it up.



Cameron Price the Witch: That's how that works.



And this is how gendered doors work!

In The Sims 2.



Oh no, you're in the wrong bathroom.

The fuckin' world's about to end.



Cameron Price the Witch: I'M DANGEROUS APPARENTLY



Andrew: I shitted it up before you could barf it up.



Cameron Price the Witch: This place is freaking me out hard dude
Andrew: Can "Hard Dude" be my new nickname?



Cameron Price the Witch: I saw that phone and it reminded me of my phone-based genocide.



Andrew: This is the first phone you've seen since then, then, somehow?



Cameron Price the Witch: No, I guess it's because it was a phone-and-this-dorm-based genocide.



Cameron Price the Witch: I'VE FOUND MY NEW PRISON



Cameron Price the Witch: IT'S ME



Cameron Price the Witch: I am a jail unto myself.



Andrew: If this is your ploy to avoid actual jail, I don't think the courts will accept it.
Cameron Price the Witch: They'll have to! They'll have to take my jail bait!



Andrew: Thaaaats not what thaaaat is. At aaaalllllll.



Faucet: *shudders itself apart in righteous indignation*




Andrew: Not at all sure what we'll find here.
Cameron Price the Witch: My guess is a lifetime supply of Cheesies.



Cameron Price the Witch: You're reading back there, again.
Andrew: Yep.
Cameron Price the Witch: In the DARK.
Andrew: Oh, you think my eyes are eyes?



Cameron Price the Witch: Mad scientist?
Andrew: Mad geneticist.



Cameron Price the Witch: Wow, the postal service got nothin' on this chick.



Cameron Price the Witch: Are you fused with the bar now, or can you part with some of your ages-old alcohol?



Andrew: I don't see why those would be mutually exclusive.



Andrew: Haha, wow. This is a strong argument against ever feeding these.



Andrew: Here you go! A big ol' club of wood.



Andrew: WOOD YOU LIKE IT



Andrew: I'd understand if you chose to kill me for that.



Andrew: I wouldn't appreciate it.



Andrew: But I'd understand.



Andrew: Y'know.



Andrew: Is that actually a corpse? 'cuz it looks like actually a corpse.



Andrew: You never were in the Society, were you?
Cameron Price the Witch: Do I look like a society dame to you?



Cameron Price the Witch: Anyway, pretty sure I was, actually.

I seem to remember fixing your chin here.

Cameron Price the Witch: And Chelsea's jowls.

Hahaha WOW those jowls.



Andrew: She's got them again, now, you know.
Cameron Price the Witch: Are you talking to me, or Levar Burton?



Andrew: Because I was…
Cameron Price the Witch: Looking at the book, yes.



Cameron Price the Witch: Free plastic surgery!
Andrew: Yes, free it from existence.



Cameron Price the Witch: I'd love to shave this schnoz down a notch.
Andrew: I'd love you not to fuck with what I love.



Cameron Price the Witch: Don't pretend you want me the way that I am. That would be insane.
Andrew: Mad, even.



Cameron Price the Witch: …touché.

Next time: tushy.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 18 February 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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