Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which nudity isn't optional.
Bradleigh: Has it ever been?
Stephen: Laci! Nudity isn't optional!
Lainey: Is that why you're wearing a flasher jacket?
Laci: Don't talk to him, he isn't here.
Laci: GOD-DAMN BUGGED-OUT GAME
Laci: Also my body is unready.
Bradleigh: Are you here because of the nudity, officer?
Victor: Yes, I hope to enforce it.
Bradleigh: I'd like to enforce… um. Myself… um. Yourself…
Victor: There is no good way to do what you're trying to do.
Victor: So why'd you make her try it?
There is no good way to do anything she tries to do.
It all sorta bleeds together into one big general "no."
Bradleigh: Hey Laci, talk to General No lately?
Laci: Yep! Fucked him, too.
Samella: I'm just here for the TV.
Bradleigh: I'm just here for a shower that isn't all Murphied-up.
Bradleigh: Or Bradleighed-up! I'm a pig.
Bradleigh: But at least I'm not a clown.
Bradleigh: Or a clown.
Bradleigh: Or a CLOWN
Bradleigh: Or a clown.
Stewart: At least I'm not NAKED!
Shane: Yeah, we all appreciate that, dude.
Shane: This, though, not so much.
Bradleigh: If y'all want to see me naked again, y'all have to earn it.
Stewart: I like this twist on "Earn Your Happy Ending."
Shane: I'd like to get a happy ending from that fuzzy dude.
Amin: As a fuzzy dude myself, I feel compelled to reject your fantasy.
Tazama: Count yourself OUT, dude.
Bradleigh: This is my chapter. It's definitely gonna have some sex in it.
Stewart: And a happy ending! We referenced it enough, it needs to happen now.
Bradleigh: I don't jerk strangers off. I only fuck them.
Bradleigh: My morals are complex.
Stewart: I've never heard that word applied to you.
Stewart: Then again, most of what I've heard about you comes from when you were a dude.
Bradleigh: Baby, you haven't fucked a chick until you've fucked a chick you knows what dudes like because she used to be one.
Shane: Very few of us have fucked a chick, then, apparently.
Bradleigh: You certainly haven't.
Stewart: Don't be mean to the townies, they have it hard enough as it is.
Bradleigh: Speaking of "hard enough as it is…"
Stewart: Oh, yes, it is is!
Bradleigh: Allow me to second the "Grugly is high" motion.
I must be.
Because what am I seeing.
Stewart: I'm not a big fan of road shenanigans. They killed my brother once.
Bradleigh: Oh, sure, one dead brother and NOW you gotta be NOT RECKLESS AND ROAD-PIZZA
Amin: Dude. Keep your water on your waterside.
Tazama: Do you think it's possible to BUY characterhood?
Samella: Not only is it not possible to buy it, it's possible to LOSE it.
Count Alon: I RESEMBLE THAT COMMENT
Little blue dude mad in a tub is, like, my favourite thing ever.
Stewart: Want to do my favourite thing ever?
Bradleigh: Was that a double entendre?
Stewart: Because sex is my favourite thing ever to do…
Stewart: But I also invite you to "do" my favourite thing ever, which is me.
I'm so glad we had the pics to explain that joke.
Mrs. Crumplebottom: These aren't jokes. I'm not hearing any "Knock Knock"!
Franklin: Free stank! You're welcome.
The image of Grugly Prime, looking shell-shocked and blasted while he thinks about university, accurately describes my present state.
Bradleigh: Oh! You're not high, you're low.
Grugly Prime: Wanna get down on me?
I will be adding this image to my Book of Grudges.
Amin: Maker gonna fuck y'all up.
Stewart: Let me fuck her down, first.
Why does everybody think I'm violent? It's you guys with the guns and axes and shit.
Alec Prince the Damned: DON'T CALL MY MURDER MAGIC SHIT
Alec Prince the Damned: This has been a paid advertisement for Chapter 500.
Bradleigh: Oooh, you're so hot when you're taking unnecessary risks!
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: STOP BEING SO HOT, STEWART
Bradleigh: Hey, daughterfucker.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: …what?
Bradleigh: You fucked two of my daughters.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Oh thank GOD, I thought you knew something I didn't.
Bradleigh: You should know me better than THAT.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: It looks like someone else is already knowing you.
Stewart: And I like what I know!
Stewart: And I know what I like. To fuck!
Bradleigh: I like to fuck too.
Bradleigh: Talking about it endlessly, on the other hand…
Stewart: Yes, well, if the talk doesn't end, the fuck never starts.
Stewart: These courtships take FOREVER.
Yeah, I'll start cheating them forward, about five hundred chapters from now.
Bradleigh: Something to look forward to!
Stewart: Hahaha, you think we'll be alive?!
Bradleigh: I might.
Yeah, you might.
Neila: Might makes wrong.
Bradleigh: Someone back there understands probabilities!
Bradleigh: I'm just guessing. Because I don't.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: It's rough, but I can handle it! My mother literally wrote the book on this.
It must have been hard to write on a treadmill.
Neila Sharpe the Witch: Does the book say anything about warlocks?
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: I suspect that'll be the next book.
Samantha: Is it just me, or did it suddenly get hot and steamy out here?
Count Alon: That heat and steam is just ME
Grugly Prime: This chapter needs more Cecilia.
Shane: Someone behind me thinks it needs less you.
Bradleigh: Well I think it needs less clothing.
Stewart: There's a room for that.
Stewart: But there are complications.
Bradleigh: Tell me about it.
Bradleigh: But! I'll trade more complicated life for less complicated outfits.
Stewart: You call that an outfit?
Bradleigh: Why not? I'm fit, and I'm out.
Nathaniel: Wish I had a little boat to play with.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Your uncle found something better.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: It plays back.
If I were you, I'd scoot around so I didn't have to look at that.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: I'm old, and I got here first. It's their move.
Stewart: Sorry, man, all my moves are dorsal and ventral at the moment.
Bradleigh: Adjust pitch!
Stewart: Adjust yaw!
Amin: Fifty bucks and I'll beat them up for you.
Stewart: He'll do it, too.
Bradleigh: Too late. We already did it.
Stewart: Any regrets?
Bradleigh: Tons! O'er the years.
Stewart: I meant in regards to us.
Bradleigh: I'd only have regrets in regards to "us" if there was an "us."
Samella: Our lives are a series of portable regret factories.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: And happy endings.
Stewart: I like them best when they're happy beginnings.
Bradleigh: Pretty sure this is just a blowjob, dude.
How are you making yourself so clear?
Bradleigh: I'm playing this thing like a flute, baby.
Bradleigh: I'm suckin' it like I'd want mine sucked, if it hadn't been turned into a uterus.
Alec Prince the Damned: Things you never want to hear your dad say.
Bradleigh: Wait, I'm whose what?
Stewart: Do you have any sons?
Bradleigh: I had two of them!
Stewart: What are their names?
Bradleigh: One's dead and one's the devil, so… I prefer not to name them.
Stewart: The dead have names.
Bradleigh: Yeah, but if we call them by them, they might answer.
Bradleigh: Oh, hey! Glitches are in, this season?
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: In my head, at least…
Bradleigh: Fuck is that thing.
Franklin: SPEAKING OF FUCK
Bradleigh: You fuck that fuck, buddy.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Fuck me, fuckbuddy!
Stewart: Oh, I didn't realize you had comp- oh, I didn't realize you were being accosted by anonymity.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: That was lovely, Franklin.
Franklin: Wanna do it again?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Sure, give me your contacts list.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Ugh.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I've already seen this episode.
Let's have another one of those low-rent animated gifs!
Franklin: Low rent, but high cropping.
Franklin: I can't shake the feeling that I know this chick from somewhere.
Franklin: …wait a second. Turn your head.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Into what?
Franklin: …okay, nope nope, I'd rather derail this thought trolley onto five innocent bystanders than see it screech to its destination.
Franklin: Off-camera kiss goodbye?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You know it!
Stewart: Hi, Bradleigh! Hi, frozen corpse!
…it's LEONARD, right?
Leonard: Oh thank GOD. I can brush my teeth and go to bed, now.
What're you mopping?
Nerissa: I'm not, anymore. I'm trying to free my mop.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: It's almost like it's winter outside.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: But it can't be, because all of our windows are open.
Franklin: Here we are, little living things! Death's door.
Bradleigh: Four hundred and ninety-nine chapters.
Bradleigh: Kinda makes you think.
Gosh, I hope not.
Bradleigh: I'm betting the goth witch becomes a thing.
She's already a thing.
Bradleigh: Yeah, it was a safe bet.
Bradleigh: Okay, I don't even know who that is.
Bradleigh: Okay, I don't even know who that is.
Bradleigh: And I'm pretty sure THIS is someone I just made UP.
This isn't turning out to be a profitable endeavour, Brad.
Bradleigh: I'm rich. What do I need with profit.
Bradleigh: I could just sleep for the rest of my life, if I wanted to.
I hate it when I envy fictional characters.
Leonard: But in OUR world, sleep is something that takes about ONE PIC.
Yeah, I think I'd need nine or ten pics of sleep each day, at the very least.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Mornin', science sister.
Bradleigh: Right back at you.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You know, we're the only people in the whole neighbourhood who got to choose their gender?
Bradleigh: You chose well.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Right back atcha.
Next time: the last of the monster updates.
There's no shame in quitting while you're ahead when the lead is essentially permanent!
This chapter depicts gameplay from 20 February 2013.