If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
I meant to move back to the Chronicles today, but it wasn't to be.
So, have bad pictures with much better captions instead of better pictures and bad captions, which is what you'd get if I tried to write the Chronicles this late in the… morning, actually.
This chapter does not represent the present visual quality of the Chronicles! It's grody and uncropped and older than the iPhone, and so compressed it's frankly hilarious. Don't hold it against me; it's not beautiful enough!
Walter: How'd my household get top of the year, anyway?
Lewis: Willa used to be on top, but then she moved in with me, and I've always been on the bottom, and this is coming out WAY LESS FLATTERING than I'm comfortable with.
Walter: Well, you're doing a great job spreading the discomfort around.
Walter: But you might have bitten off more than you can dicks.
Suzie: Did you just flash Lewis?
Suzie: No, I also waggled my eyebrows at him.
Suzie: "Just" has too many meanings.
Suzie: I prefer to be unjust, anyway.
Walter: I prefer to be undressed.
Suzie: FUCK ME LIKE WILLA WANTED LEWIS TO FUCK HER WHEN PRESENT GRUGLY WAS MISCHARACTERIZING HER
Walter: Wow, you've got some IMPRESSIVE lung capacity, woman!
Suzie: It's from all the fuck-screaming I do.
Suzie: And the scream-fucking.
Suzie: Also my lungs are fictional.
Walter: So, Willa's NOT sex-starved?
Suzie: If anything, I think she's sex-fed.
Suzie: Which is a lot better than can-fed, let me tell you.
I'm honestly confused about the images I took.
Grugly2006: Do tell.
I know I never intended to upload these neighbourhoods to the internet in story form.
And in Pine Valley,
Grugly2006: Which I don't know anything about,
I was missing a lot of important pics towards the beginning, because I didn't intent to upload it to the internet in story form.
So… why are there so many pics here that only seem to serve to put padding between events? If I was just taking pictures for my own benefit, wouldn't they all be big-deal pics?
Suzie: I think you're overthinking this.
Suzie: I'm in my UNDERWEAR.
Suzie: You two sound like the world's most boring gay sex.
Suzie: "Oh? Oh? Oh. Oh."
Suzie: Have more interesting gay sex with yourself, geez.
Suzie: And get laid! Both of you.
Meadow Thayer: I'm not here to volunteer!
Lewis: I don't even know why I'm here.
Suzie: See? No underwear, no transitions!
I guess you're right.
But then I apparently failed to show an extended hot-tub scene, so now I don't know again.
Suzie: So, I couldn't help noticing your flagpole.
Suzie: Trouble at home?
Lewis: The Maker made me worried that my wife was gonna be unfaithful, but it turned out to just be bad writing.
Suzie: Yeah, I just had to explain his own picture-taking process to him.
Lewis: What a jerk.
Suzie: What a confused jerk.
Grugly2006: We're TWO confused jerks!
Lewis: Your boobs remind me of Willa's boobs.
Suzie: That's because they're literally the exact same boobs.
And then she farted in his face.
Suzie: Displays of dominance are important, in mating rituals.
Lewis: MATING RITUALS.
Suzie: You're in my house, in the dark, in your bathing suit.
Lewis: So it's a dark indoor pool party! No big deal!
Suzie: Your deal's been big ever since you came over.
Suzie: Don't you think it's time you came under?
Lewis: Or within?
Suzie: Yeah, different innuendo, same content.
Lewis: I'm a happily married man!
Suzie: Maybe. Or maybe all that bad writing was actually good writing, just for the wrong character.
Lewis: I'm having trouble understanding. Could you explain it right up against my face, please?
Lewis: …these transitions are problematic.
Willa: Oh, where were you just now?
Willa: Yeah, I can see how suddenly being SOMEWHERE would be a marked contrast to that.
Willa: He's acting weird.
It's not an act.
Willa: Should I be worried?
When you're one of my Sims? Always.
…although I'm increasingly less eager to take credit for this.
Willa: Why would you even take a picture this bad?
Grugly2006: We've figured it out.
And he doesn't want me to tell you.
Grugly2006: And I don't want him to tell you, no.
It's a really pathetic reason.
Grugly2006: YOU'RE a really pathetic reason!
I don't know why, but this looks like an abstract representation of a train and a railway line.
Grugly2006: Presumably the reason is drunkenness.
I have been considering the purchase of a bottle of vodka, lately.
Grugly2006: God, I drink in the future?
Hardly ever. But I think it would help me relax, so I can finish my dissertation.
Grugly2006: I've never had problems relaxing before.
Yes, and that's why my life is so tense now.
Lewis: This story is rapidly becoming a two-man show.
Willa: As long as they're at each other's throats, they won't be at ours.
Willa: What a creative way to avoid doing dishes!
Willa: Who was that Best Friends speech balloon ACTUALLY about?
Lewis: Suzie! I'm best friends with Suzie now.
Willa: Oh, is that what you transitioned from earlier?
Lewis: I'VE ONLY EVER TRANSITIONED WITH YOU I SWEAR
Willa: I hope you know you can always talk to me.
Lewis: I hope you think I always do.
Willa: I'm too horny to consider the import of that statement.
Lewis: That's good, because I didn't mean to export it!
Oh yeah baby, sexy import-export jokes!
Marriage train looks about ready for the station…
Walter: So, what're you thinking? Flirt with the groom? The bride? The bride AND the groom? Sex under the wedding arch? Sex on the buffet table?!
Suzie: I thought we'd just attend the wedding and be good friends.
Walter: Ooh, the subtle approach! How devious.
Walter: Does she know about-
Suzie: No, and neither do YOU.
Walter: Oh! Okay. I don't write my dialogue, so I don't know what I know.
Walter: How come WE can't afford a house this big?
Suzie: Because WE aren't living together.
Walter: How come we aren't living together?
Suzie: Because it would make cheating on you difficult, and I abhor extra effort.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE
Grugly2006: I don't even know, man, there's no excuse.
THAT'S ONLY SLIGHTLY BETTER
Suzie: Maybe he's going for an artistic use of negative space!
HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT TERM YET
Grugly2006: I do so! I read lots of webcomics.
What're you playing?
Willa: SSX 3.
I was talking to Lewis.
Lewis: Also SSX 3, actually!
Lewis: Okay, I have a confession to make.
Willa: Go for it.
Lewis: I didn't say I was gonna make it.
Lewis: Where's Suzie?
Walter: Powdering her crotch.
Lewis: You mean her nose.
Walter: No, see, she's got an itch.
Walter: Her crotch does a lot more than her nose does, y'know.
Do you, Lewis Hugh Bright, promise to not ruin this chick's life?
Lewis: Since you can't see if I'm crossing my fingers, yes. I do!
Do you, Willa Hester Ruggles, promise to have two out of three funny names?
Willa: I'll have to hyphenate, but sure! I do.
Walter: You didn't ask HER to promise not to ruin HIS life.
This is true.
I now pronounce you late to the wedding.
Suzie: I was hoping to miss it entirely.
Okay, yeah, husband and wife, get on with it.
Lewis: Don't look, guys, we're shy.
Oh, come on, no kiss?
Lewis: I told you! We're SHY!
Grugly2006: That's right! You're NOT! I am.
Willa: We didn't get a wedding kiss because god is shy.
Lewis: There's something for the theologians to sink their teeth into.
Willa: We seem to have picked up a stray.
Suzie: Only one of you has picked me up so far.
Willa: What did she mean by that?
Walter: Yeah, what did you mean by that?
Suzie: Yeah, what did I mean by that?
Willa: How friendly ARE you two?
Lewis: We're pretty close.
Willa: HOW close?
Lewis: Not meaningfully! On an atomic scale.
Willa: You KNOW I can't read that tiny text.
Oh, man I forgot about these cheap-out honeymoons.
Grugly2006: Wouldn't the correct term be "ghetto honeymoons"?
Ugh. I bet you still call things "retarded," too.
Grugly2006: So, the honeymoons are better in the future?
Yeah, there's vacation destinations you can go to.
Grugly2006: Oh, like in Vacation for TS1! How many expansions does this game get?
Oh, nothing, it's just… the answer to that question never ceases to astonish me.
Grugly2006: Eighteen what?
Grugly2006: Eighteen WHAT?!
Willa: FUCK ME LIKE WE'RE STILL DATING
Willa: You seemed… distracted.
Lewis: Suzie's dress was so tight, it restricted the circulation of blood to my brain.
Willa: You've got the newlywed jitters, huh?
Lewis: No, I'm just worried you'll fall out of love with me.
Willa: Why would I fall out of love with you?
Lewis: Probably I'll push you.
Willa: We're meant to be together, Lewis.
Lewis: Yeah, but are we meant to be together so he can drive us APART?
Willa: Who's "he"?
Lewis: The two-voiced god of mischief who's currently staring at you in your underwear.
Willa: FUCK ME LIKE GOD'S NOT WATCHING
Lewis: Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
Willa: Do you need to see a DOCTOR?
Lewis: Only if she's hot.
Willa: Come ON, dude. I can TELL you're horny. What's going on?
Lewis: I dunno, maybe I miss all those awful things you used to scream.
Grugly2006: YOU WRECKED MY SIMS
AT LEAST I DID SOMETHING WITH THEM!
Lewis: It's fine! We're in love! We're in love.
Willa: But I want to be in lust, too!
Willa: With YOU, preferably.
Suzie: He's thinking about me, isn't he.
Suzie: I'm a sexual chessmaster.
Suzie: Which is funny, because I can't even beat myself at real chess.
Suzie: The near-constant pitch-blackness of my existence certainly doesn't help.
Grugly2006: I HATE BUILDING HOUSES
Wow, no reflections too, huh?
Grugly2006: Does the base game HAVE reflections?
Yeah, I think so. You've probably got them turned off, either because it's too CPU-intensive, or because you're an IDIOT.
Judging by the quality of these pics, I could go either way on that.
Walter: More like jumping bones party.
Grugly2006: I know that slang term!
Yes, we got it from the same webcomic.
Walter: JEEEEESUS woman, it's like your cooch is on a gimbal or something!
Walter: Bring the camera down a bit. I want to see whose face that is.
Grugly2006: I ain't noticin' nothin'.
Walter: Alright, well, maybe I'll just go beat up Lewis preemptively.
Suzie: It's no fun waking up to a preempty bed.
Willa: Does wedding cake go bad?
Lewis: No, I think it's basically drywall.
Grugly2006: Look! Look! I'm learning to zoom in occasionally!
Now get a job and buy a real computer.
Willa: If he had a real computer, do you think he'd be slumming it in a life simulator?
Willa: I think I'm pregnant.
Grugly2006: Our first baby!
Willa: It had better NOT be OUR baby!
Our first good pic!
Grugly2006: YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS
Grugly2006: It is FUCKING HARD to get them to exercise in front of the TV.
Grugly2006: Do you know how to fix that?
I do not! All I can say is, SOMETHING in my present Downloads folder seems to have finally done it.
Grugly2006: Send me the folder.
There's the small matter of time travel.
Grugly2006: We can figure it out.
There's also the small matter of my large downloads folder.
Grugly2006: How large we talkin'?
Nine point twenty-nine gigabytes.
Grugly2006: NINE POINT TWENTY-NINE GIGABYTES?!
Grugly2006: NINE POINT TWENTY-NINE GIGABYTES?!
Suzie: I'm sorry, future boy, but I'm afraid we're fucked here.
Suzie: AND I REGRET SOME OF MY FUCKING
Suzie: You really do find the worst places to shoot from.
Grugly2006: I'm like a sniper who can see through walls.
Like in Perfect Dark.
Grugly2006: OH MY GOD I LOVED PERFECT DARK!
Suzie: Grumble, mumble, imperfect dork.
Willa: I like the expensive lamp better.
Willa: What're you doing back there?
You know those paintings usually get corrupted, right?
Lewis: I'm painting mine with fair trade inks, though.
Willa: Please tell me you're not painting a portrait of my deformed pregnant ass.
Lewis: No, it's a frontal shot.
Willa: Okay, fella, give me your best frontal shot.
Willa: You're spending more time with your painting of me than you're spending with ME!
Lewis: Only camera time!
Lewis: Okay, Willa-painting, there's no easy way to say this, but… I think I'm gonna fuck Suzie.
Lewis: I think I'm gonna fuck Suzie.
Walter: Wow, you said that quite easily!
Walter: I will rip your nuts off.
Lewis: You said THAT quite easily, too.
Walter: I've been rehearsing.
Walter: He says he thinks he's gonna fuck you.
Suzie: He'll change his mind when he sees me out of that dress and in my present form.
Suzie: I hope you were diplomatic with him.
Walter: Threatened to rip his nuts off.
Suzie: That's what passes for diplomacy, in the SimNation.
Suzie: Wait, wait, WHAT are we doing?
Grugly2006: Okay, okay, I missed a shot or two in here.
Suzie: You missed a shot or two in our ENGAGEMENT?!
Grugly2006: I WAS AFRAID YOU'D SAY NO
Suzie: Of COURSE I wouldn't say NO! Double the cheating is double the fun!
Walter: You're just fucking with him, right?
Suzie: Who, Lewis?
Walter: No! The MAKER.
Suzie: Hahaha, silly. I'm not just fucking with the Maker. I'm just fucking with everybody.
Suzie: Just call me the Just-Fucker.
Walter: Gonna fuck me that Just Fucker.
Suzie: Was it good for you?
Walter: WE'LL NEVER KNOW
Suzie: We need more money.
Suzie: For a bigger house.
Walter: Somewhere to put the kids, you mean?
Suzie: I was thinking a secret second adultery bedroom, but yeah, the kids probably need to be stored somewhere too.
Why are you eating… charcoal?
Suzie: Because he said "kids," plural, and I'm sorta kinda hoping to maybe poison them.
Willa: That went to a dark place.
Suzie's spent most of her time in the dark. It's a difficult transition.
Why don't you do dishes more often?
Grugly2006: They do them more often than I do.
YOU are in a dorm room designed for FOUR PEOPLE, and you're ALONE, and someone comes by every couple of days to CLEAN YOUR WASHROOM FOR YOU.
Grugly2006: Yeah, I'm pretty sure these are the good old days I'm living in here.
Lewis: WANNA LOAN US SOME OF THAT GOODNESS?
You started a FIRE with TOASTER PASTRIES?
Lewis: Thinking about Suzie.
Just go fuck her already.
Lewis: That would be wrong!
WHEN GOD TELLS YOU TO DO SOMETHING WRONG, YOU DO IT! DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR BONKERS MYTHOLOGY?!
Willa: Looking for a kiss, are we?
Lewis: Looking back on one.
Willa: I've decided that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat.
Grugly2006: I've decided that I'm not bad at taking pics, I'm just artsy.
And a giant pervert.
Grugly2006: And a giant pervert.
You ever try putting the walls up?
Grugly2006: Gets in the way of the camera.
So MOVE the camera.
Grugly2006: No, YOU move! The camera.
Willa: Preferably out of my crotchline.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 25 March 2006 to 27 March 2006.