gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,

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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 520

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at instead!

In which alternate possible titles include "A Brush with the Law" and "A Prison of Flesh."

Michael: I'm rich. Can I pay for whatever that means to not happen?

Did you even get a trial?

Michael: Meh, who cares.

Um, due process?

Michael: I'm rich, weren't you listening? I'm not gonna start approving of due process!

Victor: Hey, if you're so rich, can we swap cars?
Michael: No, the main thing that gives me pleasure, as a rich person, is seeing my valuable things gather dust through long periods of disuse.

Michael: Hey baby!
Vicki: It can't talk yet.

Vicki: Or if it can, my stomach's too good an insulator.
Michael: Well hey, thanks for cameoing on the worst day of my life!

Michael: Next time I'll remember to stab everyone.

Victor: Okay, so… no receptionist. That's… good?

Michael: Maybe there's an emergency! We should go.
Victor: Nothin' doin'. If you get killed, that's just one less thing on my to-do list for today.

Michael: What if I paid you to let me go? You might not have heard this over and over since we left my house, but I am wealthy.

Victor: How much are you offering? I'm already being bribed at a level very close to my limited ambitions.

Victor: Ooh! I'll let you out if you let me take all your skin, and your eyes, and your hair, and let me have you entire life!

Victor: What kind of businessman won't negotiate?

Laci: Well hello there, new meat!
Michael: I think this interaction is supposed to be less pleasant.
Victor: I'm getting some good ideas for new cop uniforms today.

Victor: Just for the female cops, you understand.
Laci: Teehee! Your chauvinism is so not repellent.

Michael: I like a woman who can pretend to like me.

Victor: Well, anyway, I'm turning over the murderpony to your custody.
Laci: We'll take good care of him, you hunky, not-at-all-hideous police-thing.

Victor: I need to focus on your tone, and stop thinking about the words.
Laci: Yes.

Laci: Yes, I can fake the tone but the truth will out.

Laci: Bye?

Victor: Don't take any stabbings!

Michael: You handled him like a PRO!
Laci: Pff. Victor's barely peewee.

Laci: So, you stabbed a chick, huh?
Michael: I was framed.
Laci: By?
Michael: My brain.


Laci: Remind me again why my request for poison sprinklers in the cells was rejected?

Victor: Dude, your boss is super hot.
Neil: Yeah, she burns everything she touches alright.

Michael: Okay, so I've got some criticisms for the meal system.
Laci: Ugh.
Michael: I was thinking I could teach you guys to make vichyssoise?

Laci: I'm not making anything I can't pronounce.

Michael: Okay, well, what about my seltzer water request?
Ally: Stick to the script, Laci.
Laci: Your request has been recorded.
Michael: Okay, but, when can I-
Laci: Your request has been recorded.

Ally: Do you think you could maybe not make a giant pain in the ass out of yourself?
Laci: Or remind me of my ex-husband?
Michael: I would really like to not do that second one.

Michael: Look, I'm just not used to their being constraints on my life.
Ally: Yes, you do look like that.

Ally: But you DID murder someone.
Michael: I didn't mean to!
Ally: Shit, really? Well, you know where the door is.

Ally: Of course, we know where the machine guns are.

Laci: We should overthrow Ally.
Neil: Might get the mayor's attention.
Laci: So we overthrow the mayor!
Neil: The governor might take issue with that.
Laci: Oh, honey! Our daughter will take care of the governor.

Neil: The governor is my SON.
Laci: We can't let nepotism get in the way of our nefarious plans!

Michael: So, what rights do I have in here?
Ally: Uh… food, I guess.
Michael: How about shoes?
Ally: No, we don't want any hangings.
Michael: …with the shoelaces, you mean?
Ally: Yeah.
Michael: Are there LEPRECHAUNS in your jail?!

Michael: Look. I was a judge. I did some reading on these matters, and I think… I think… there's this thing called a lawyer I'm supposed to have?

Ally: Sure, I can call you a lawyer.
Michael: I'd rather you stopped calling me a prisoner, hot stuff!

Ally: Before this goes any further, I just want you to know that I could turn your head around seven hundred and twenty degrees before you even considered escaping.
Michael: Assassin before the fact! Frightening.

Michael: Who the fuck is THAT?
Ally: A kid with a gigantic schlong.
Victor: It likes you too, Madame Warden.


Ally: You're not! Neil is.


Michael: How do you get your hair that colour?
Laci: Crushed insects.

Karina: Are you kidding?! Seltzer water is guaranteed to all prisoners by the Treaty of Versailles! I'm coming right down there.
Laci: Oh, she's a lawyer in the sense that Alvin's a scientist, then.

Ally: Maybe I should call a competent lawyer instead.
Karina: I'm plenty competent. I just thought maybe you weren't.

Ally: Alright, well, come on down.
Karina: Is that him in the background I hear?
Ally: Yeah.

Michael: She's got a point!

Michael: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

…you okay?

Karina: I'm adding a drizzle surcharge.

Karina: That's a strangulation hazard.
Laci: Keep pushing and you'll find out if that's true.

Karina: Client!
Michael: Lawyer!

Karina: You may call me Ms. Butterface.

Michael: Man, you don't even NEED a face, with a body like that.

Karina: That canary yellow really complements your eyes, and the fact that you're a jailbird.

Michael: Should we maybe be doing law stuff?
Karina: It works better if I like you enough to pull the really dirty tricks.

Michael: You mean dirty law tricks, right?
Karina: Either/or.

Karina: You've got a lot of balls saying the murder was accidental.

Michael: I was being mind-controlled!
Karina: You're a Fortune Sim! Literally only one thing controls your mind.

Karina: I could trigger an orgasm just by splashing your face with dollar bills.

Michael: Or you could do it the old-fashioned way.

Michael: Look. I'm innocent. Just like Vicki!
Karina: Vicki got off on a technicality.
Michael: What was the technicality?
Karina: Being a much more interesting character than you are.

Michael: So, let's make me a more interesting character!

Michael: I think you're plenty interesting! Not many chicks have such an obviously-botched skintone!

Karina: Yeah, thanks for that by the way.

I've gotten much better at it since.

Not that it'll help you any.

Ally: I wonder how many drinks it'll take to confuse you with your son?

Victor: Probably less if you substitute me in.

Karina: Okay, who can we rely on as character witnesses?
Michael: The Maker.
Karina: Uh.
Michael: What? He designed my character.

Karina: Alright, we'll put a pin in that. How about the guy who rates businesses? You won some awards, right?
Michael: I don't even think that guy can speak. He might not be a guy, actually. I think he's just a game mechanic disguised as a guy.

Michael: Maybe YOU could speak on my behalf!
Karina: I don't know you that well, yet.
Michael: We could work on that lawyer-client privilege thing!

Karina: That… doesn't refer to having sex with your lawyer.
Michael: Okay, well, you could explain the correct terminology to me while we're having sex, then.

Karina: I'm supposed to be getting you off, here!
Michael: W-
Karina: DON'T FOLLOW UP ON THAT, I spoke without thinking.

Michael: Alright, listen. I'm gonna write up a statement, and you can take it to the SCIA.
Karina: I don't even know where that is.
Michael: Stand around looking hot, William will show up to seduce you and you can ask him.

Karina: What?
Michael: …nothing, just deciding if I can stand getting his sloppy seconds.

Karina: I didn't go to law school to get pimped out by a client.
Michael: No, but back then you probably didn't know about men with penises so large they've become nearly sentient, either.

Karina: How long? THIS large?

Karina: LARGER?!

Michael: I'm sure you'll do your best.
Karina: Good, I hate having to convince people of that by actually doing my best.

Karina: You seem a little tense.
Michael: I'm trapped in jail.
Karina: With nobody to stab, eh? Poor you.

Michael: Don't you believe that I'm innocent?
Karina: I really, really hope you're not.

Michael: I'm only innocent in terms of stabbing.

Michael: I'd never stab someone who didn't want me to stab them!
Karina: Is that a ref-
Michael: Yeah, it's a reference to sex. I've been in jail for AGES!

Karina: You've been in jail for less than o-
Michael: AGES.

Karina: …right. Sure. Whatever.

The porn version of Basic Instinct was a lot less subtle.

Neil: I'm too drunk to understand subtlety now anyways.

Sure, blame it on the drink.

Michael: I just know ENTROPY is framing me!
Karina: Sure, blame it on the villains.

Victor: It would almost be worth getting arrested, to get to sit at a court bench behind that.

Karina: Alternatively, you could put me on retainer.

Karina: It's good to know you care.
Michael: Money isn't ev.
Karina: Pardon?
Michael: Money isn't ever.
Karina: What?

Karina: That's a safe statement.

Karina: It's the though that counts.
Michael: I had to think it in half-thoughts, actually. When I put the whole concept together my entire brain rejected it.

Karina: I like a man who's consistent.
Michael: Does that mean I need to stab you?

Karina: As long as it's not with a sword.

Michael: Do you lawyer as good as you kiss?
Karina: Depends on whether I'm lawyering for guilty people or not.

Michael: I think that's the same as saying "no."

Karina: I'll kiss you extra, then, to compensate.

Karina: I'll be in touch.
Michael: Yes, please continue touching me.

Michael: …I'm gonna die in here, aren't I?

Next time: jailhouse cocks.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 23 February 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2

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