gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 521





If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which the restraint required to not use last chapter's rejected titles is considerable.



Ally: I am also experiencing restraint-related difficulties!



Ally: Okay, cards on the table. I'm sex-starved, horny, and can rotate my pelvis with the speed and force of a reciprocating engine.
Victor: I now reciprocate your horniness!



Ally: If only our animations lined up.
Victor: As long as the important geometry connects, it'll be alright.



Ally: Wanna go break your grandpa's bed?
Victor: Ha ha! That's the least-sexy thing anyone's ever said to me.



Victor: And yet the answer is still "yes!"



Laci: I hear voices upstairs.
Neil: I've often thought that about you.



Laci: You know, I've always admired your brutality.
Neil: The army appreciated it too! Not as much as the football league did, but still.



Whatcha readin'?

Michael: We the Living.

I've never heard of that.

Michael: Look it up.



…oh my GOD. You're a Randian hipster!

I think I've identified the all-time worst kind of hipster.



Ally: My job here is to contain dangerous people. People who've had… weird things happen to them, sometimes. People who've been involved in crimes, often of a supernatural nature.
Victor: So, you're basically a low-rent SCP Foundation.
Ally: No, we're basically a no-rent SCP Foundation.



Victor: .oO(If I don't open my mouth, he can't make me say something stupid or advertise his interests.)



I can do it in low-light conditions, though.

Uma: NIGHT WALKS ALONE BY PRISONS ARE MY FAVOURITE SAFE THING TO DO BESIDES WATCHING BETTER CALL SAUL IN AN EMOTIONALLY-FRAGILE STATE!



I am so sick of these closed-mouth pics.

Grugly2013: So omit them!

So stop MAKING them!



Laci: He's fighting himself again.
Neil: Better himself than us.



Laci: Also, I'm kind of pissed that you implied I hear voices.
Neil: Uh-huh.
Laci: When VICKI-
Neil: Uh-huh.
Laci: Are you even listening?
Neil: Uh-huh.



Ally: I like your scary goth dude look.
Victor: Uh-huh.
Ally: Are you even listening?
Victor: Yes, I'm just not very well-spoken.



Ally: Well, c'mere then. Let me teach your lips a thing or two.



Ally: SUCCESSFUL USE OF THE STRETCHSKELETON CHEAT! Also fairly hot smooches.



Victor: I was strongly tempted to catch you under the skirt.
Ally: I expect you catch you under the skirt very shortly!



Victor: What goes under that skirt won't be short, lady.
Ally: Oooh.



Laci: Do you think our tale of death and betrayal will ever end?
Neil: The Maker's gonna die some day.
Laci: Maybe he'll give it to someone else to play.

No, I intend to fall over onto the last stored copy of this neighbourhood when I die, crushing it.



Ally: It's good to have a plan.



Neil: FUCK YOU LOOKIN' AT, DEAD LADY



That any good?

Michael: Tastes how it looks.

Low-res and pixellated?

Michael: Yep.



Laci: You and I have a lot to answer for, Neil.
Neil: Unfortunately in my old age I've forgotten all the answers.



Laci: Guess you're gonna fail the test, then.
Neil: Better dead than egghead.



Laci: That's rich.
Neil: I love being rich!
Laci: No, I mean, because your head basically is an egg.
Neil: What a strange way to become wealthy!



Ally: …your eyes are rolling back.
Victor: They do that sometimes. I think they forget they're the result of albinism and not, like, vampirism or something.



Victor: Anyway he can fix it with the camera angle.

And make Ally look fat in the process.



Victor: Speaking of being made fat.



Ally:
Victor: …my pen-
Ally: YOUR PENIS, yes, of course.



Michael: Where'd that bitch go? I want her to taste this slop.



Michael: Hi Laci!
Laci: Welp, better warm up the chair, I guess.



Michael: They outlawed the death penalty a while back.
Laci: I thought I might attempt an independent revival!



Michael: You're awful.
Laci: Takes one to be executed by one.



Michael: I'm not staging a jail-break, I just don't want ants in my cell.



Neil: UH
Michael: You won't shoot me, I'm basically the reincarnation of your first wife.



Ally: WHY won't you let me near the window?
Victor: BECAUSE IT'S DIRTY



Ally: Are you hiding something from me?
Victor: Yes, I am hiding something which would prevent our having sex from you.
Ally: …okay, good call.



Dagmar: SECRET SURVEILLANCE EQUIPMENT INSTALLED! They'll never know it's there.



Michael: Is this… a sack of flour?



Michael: If I wake up in whiteface, I hope nobody thinks it's racist.



It'll just help you blend in better, honestly.



I think Neil rubs flour in his eyebrows every morning.



Victor: I'm more of a night-time ritual kind of guy.



Ally: I think I just found religion!



Victor: I can't wait to take communion.



Victor: Alright, pistons and cylinders out!



Victor: Holy FUCK, it's like you're on a lathe or something!



Ally: WE'RE GETTIN' LATHED!



Ally: HOW DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH BLOOD LEFT FOR YOUR BRAIN



Ally: There's no penis like Sharpe penis.



Victor: I know.



Ally might be the best-looking Sim I didn't make.

She might also be the best-looking Sim I haven't made good use of.



But! There's always tomorrow.



Neil: Yeah, that's one of the worst things about todays.



Neil: Mornin', officer candyhair!



Neil: Or should I say candy ASS?!



Laci: You had me at "ass."
Neil: That was the last word I said.
Laci: Yeah, you cut it close alright.



Laci: Do you ever miss Victoria?
Neil: I'm not THAT old.



Laci: Victoria BENNETT. Your first wife?
Neil: I like to think she's still with us, in the form of this prison.



Neil: Being married to her was like being in jail, even more so than with most marriages.



Neil: Being married to you was like being in jail, too, but the sex was better.



Laci: Screw you.



Victor: I think sex exists to make life worth living.

There's also Doritos ® Dinamita ® chile limon tortilla chips.

Victor: …what?

I can't get them anymore, and it's the only thing about social isolation I currently can't handle.



Ally: You know what I like handling?
Victor: I definitely noticed!



Ally: I want to secure to myself long-term handling rights.



Ally: Will you marry me? Or, at least, will your body?



Victor: I don't know if I'm ready for this, but, my body is.



Ally: I'll kill you if you cross me.



Victor: That's hot.



Victor: There's a good chance I might turn out to be a villain.
Ally: That's hot.



Ohhhhhhh!

I just realized why I hate getting up in the morning.



Neil: Yeah, this does make it a lot easier to handle.
Laci: Handle me less easily, baby!



See? No sex, no wakey.



Neil: Sex is a part of this balanced fuckfest.



Neil: Sex with redheads is one of the four fuck groups!



Neil: Gosh, I hope there's more than four of them.



Neil: Your hair defies the laws of physics.



Laci: The fuck you know about the laws of physics, dipshit?



Neil: I know I like what they do to your ass.



Elle: Happy Fucksgetting!

Next time: applied therapy.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 23 February 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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