gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,

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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 522

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at instead!

In which my New Years Resolution is slightly amended to "one chapter per day, buuuuut maybe not precisely ON the day, every day."

Busy times.

Elle: More like BUSTY times.

Bambi: More like MUSTY TOMES

That's my jokes for the day, see you tomorrow.

I'd say this would look even cooler with the trees visible, but realistically there's probably trees right on top of where the camera is right now.

Bambi: These chairs look really uncomfortable.

I can't decide if they look like they're hard as a rock, or if they look like the fabric would rip and you'd fall inside them the moment you sat down.

Bambi: Howdy, killer!

Bambi: No, I don't mean LITERALLY that you've killed someone.
Nick: Good, because when that happens I want to have noticed it.

Bambi: There's a new medical approach I wanna try out, and I think you're gonna like it.

Nick: If I'm doing this for science, there had better be grant money involved.

Nick: I thought this place was meant to make people LESS crazy.

Yeah, I feel a headache coming on just looking at it.

Nick: Alright lady, science-pimp me.

Brandi: I think insanity, in the context of our simulated existence, is related to Aspiration Score.
Nick: That means rich people like me basically can't go insane! I am now permanently subscribed to your theory.

Bambi: I figured you'd be happy to prove something positive about yourself.
Nick: Self-interest is most interest!

Bambi: There she is.
Nick: She's naked.
Bambi: Convenient, no?

Know what kind of pop they drink in The Sims?


Elle: He's eating us out!
Bambi: Nah, just you.

Nick: More like nah just EW

Bambi: Maybe we ought to have less abstract art in our sanitarium.
Elle: Or at least some phallic stuff.

Elle: Hey, wanna stuff me with phallus?
Nick: That doesn't match your speech ballon.
Elle: Hey, wanna push my buttons?

Elle: Vaginally?

Elle: Be my vagina bomb?

Nick: Your vagina is bomb.
Bambi: Okay, so, we're starting some new therapy today.
Elle: Nah, I'mma fuck this dude instead.

Bambi: We're all counting on you.
Nick: Don't you mean cun-
Bambi: NO.

Nick: Are you sure YOU don't need my services more than SHE does?
Bambi: Just, fuckin'… look at what she's doing back there.

Bambi: I can't afford to feed her six instant meals at a time.
Nick: I'll fill her up, then.

Bambi: You're certainly full enough of yourself.

Nick: How are you not getting that all over yourself?
Elle: I am! You just can't see it from all angles, 'cuz sprites.


Nick: I kinda don't like learning in general?

Elle: So, today's new therapy is meant to transfer my feelings of aggression to the upcoming generation, then.

Elle: If I have to be conservative to be sane, I don't wanna.

Elle: You're not one of those compulsive hand-washers, are you?

Elle: Shit, do you n-

Yes, I need to go wash my hands now.

Nick: How would you handle THIS situation, with your OCD?

Considering what's about to happen, I'm gonna go ahead and say complete and total freak-out.

Nick: Get my freak out, roger!

Nick: This is like a softcore porn, right? Dude performs sex therapy in a wacky hospital?

Nick: Wait, are you ACTUALLY crazy? Because if you're actually crazy this is immoral in ways I'm not into.

Elle: No, basically I'm just depressed. And this isn't softcore ANYTHING; we've had two full frontal genital shots in two pics.

Elle: It's not hardcore porn, yet, but I'm game.

Elle: Game for the most delicious game.

Elle: I did murder a guy, though.


Nick: …was it funny?

Nick: As long as it was funny, we're good.

Nick: I hate dramatic, sad, or gross deaths. Wasted opportunities for humour should be, like, illegal.

Nick: When I kill someone for the first time, I want a laugh track.

Elle: Which of us is getting therapy at the moment?

Elle: It's you, right?

Elle: You've got a lot of balls talking about murder in a state institution.

Bambi: It's okay, nobody spies on us here because it's too stifling.

Elle: Alright, buddy, time to put your dick where my dickhole is.

Nick: That wasn't as hot as it sounded in your head.


Nick: Hey baby, wanna-



Elle: It doesn't work that way.
Nick: But what if-
Elle: It doesn't work that way.

Elle: Don't even try, men are crap at sex.

Elle: Just do what I say and it'll all turn out fine.
Nick: How about GREAT?
Elle: We have to account for your drag factor.

Nick: What if I'm a natural?
Elle: A natural at sex? You're not a rabbit.

Bambi: I'm worried people will think this is a brothel.
Neil: No, it's not clean enough.

Elle: I've never had a broken arm massage before!

Nick: It's a very complicated procedure involving split-second pauses and camera angle manipulation.

Elle: Scritches!
Nick: You're not a CAT.
Elle: I think the go-to word here is DOG.
Nick: Well.

Elle: …WELL?
Nick: What?

Elle: You're supposed to tell me I'm not a dog.
Nick: That's a lot like a compliment, though, and I don't really do those.

Nick: Hey, here's a funny story: I hate women.

Nick: They're ruining my life.
Elle: I think I'm gonna have to murder you.

Nick: What's wrong with hating women?


Nick: Okay, but besides that?

Nick: Okay, I realize I sounded like an incel mass-murderer just now.
Elle: Little bit.
Nick: I want you to know that if and when I mass-murder, it will be generalized. I'll be in it for the art of it, you know?

Nick: Please accept this token of my non-misogyny.
Elle: I definitely don't want you to miss my gyny.

Nick: I'm just really mad at my girlfriend.
Elle: Maybe don't extend that to half the human population?
Nick: But it's EASIERRRR

Nick: Anyway, this rose symbolizes my allure and my danger.
Elle: Really it just symbolizes your weird ability to pluck roses out of hammerspace.

Elle: Weird MAGIC roses.
Nick: Romance Sims! We're weird.

Elle: You know, love potions are kinda rapey.

They're a lot more than kinda rapey. Luckily those roses are just a pretty effective social interaction.

If they were love potion roses, I'd try to find a way to mod them OUT.

I fucking hate when the Slow Dance want comes up.

Especially since half the time they're standing somewhere that isn't big enough, so they have to wander halfway around the lot looking for a place to dance to NO MUSIC

Elle: I realize it's a pain in the ass for you, but it's a pleasure in the vag for me!

Elle: I wonder how many gross words I can pack into today.

See, what a waste of time. They dance a bit, and I get bored, and stop them, and it's like YES JUST LIKE REAL LIFE, ON A FIRST DATE YOU RANDOMLY EMBRACE AND SWOON IN A CIRCLE FOR A BIT


Grugly2013: Dude, you're borderline incoherent at this point.

And then she sucked his snot out.

Elle: 'snot bad!

Nick: Yuck!

Sorely tempted to never show another shower shot again.

Grugly2013: Good, there'll only be seven years' worth of them for you to sift through.

Bambi: Should I be offended that I'm turning you off from shower pics?

You should be offended by everything I do.

But especially the bad skeleton stretching.

No, it doesn't look any better from a distance.

Next today, I mean next time: fuck, it'll be up before anybody even reads this.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 23 February 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2

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