If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Back… from the future!
This chapter does not represent the present visual quality of the Chronicles! It's grody and uncropped and older than the iPhone, and so compressed it's frankly hilarious. Don't hold it against me; it's not beautiful enough!
Lewis: Where's your bottle rocket, glowing space-child?
Karen: Don't be such a goofball.
Willa: There's a curtain growing out of my drapes.
I'm hesitant to say this, but-
Grugly2006: Yes, this probably is the worst pic I've taken so far.
Grugly2006: Thanks for letting them see it for NO REAS-
Wait a sec, I think Lewis is confessing to adultery?
Willa: You talked over it, though, so it didn't happen.
Willa: You wouldn't engage in adultery, would you, Lewis?
Lewis: No, that sounds much fancier than what I'd do.
Orlando Bertino: Aw, my very first lady-bum!
Very likely your very last, too.
Are we not going where she's going?
Grugly2006: I'm experimenting with those static cameras you were talking about.
Could you experiment with raising the house elevation so we can see what's on that deck platform?
Dorian Kauker: What are you doing out here in your bathing suit at this hour?
Willa: I have a vague suspicion that my husband's been unfaithful, so I'm being vaguely suggestive in public as a vague sort of vague revenge.
Dorian: You should de-vague your suspicions, so you can de-vague your suggestiveness.
Dorian: I'd totally be willing to serve as a vehicle for your revenge.
Willa: What does that mean?
Dorian: It means I'd totally be willing for you to serve as a vehicle for my weiner.
Willa: I'd like to think I can do better than a balding fug-cop.
Dorian: That's fair.
Dorian: "That's fair"? I tried to say "Then I guess you're under arrest"!
You're in 2006, you don't know that we're… not doing arrest jokes right now.
We're arresting them.
Willa: Ooh, officer, don't be roug-
ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS.
Black lives matter.
Dorian: Future guy is weeeeird.
Dorian: Anyway, I'm down to get down here at Down Park any time you're down this way, downy.
Dorian: Think of me as your procreation trophy.
Dorian: I am Dorian, the KAUKER!
Willa: As in-
Dorian: As in it sounds like "cocker" which contains the word "cock," yes.
Grugly2006: I'm so glad these are the kinds of jokes I make in 2020.
Willa: I think the cop himself is the joke, actually.
Dorian: MAKING FUN OF COPS IS PASSÉ
COPS ARE PASSÉ
Amy: …the fuck? We're not ready yet!
Lloyd: Yeah, man, at least attempt a segue next time.
Amy: I like the ambience in this place.
Michelle: Yeah, it's very consistent isn't it?
Grugly2006: So, I thought you said the big thing where you are now was that virus.
Yeah, it's an ongoing disaster.
Grugly2006: So what's this you're on about with the cops, now?
The cops are an endless disaster.
Michelle: I'm growing fond of our live-in penis.
That looks… chilly.
Michelle: It's okay, temperature doesn't exist.
Yeah, Seasons won't come out for almost a year.
Grugly2006: I'm still wondering about the cops thing.
They're just straight-up murdering people.
And I was gonna end that sentence with the word "now" but that's just my whiteness showing, "now" has nothing to do with it.
Grugly2006: But if you're not doing anything illegal-
They're murdering people during wellness checks.
Grugly2006: But if you're not doing anything dangerous…
They're murdering people for potentially writing bad cheques.
Grugly2006: …they do sound like bastards, you're right.
Grugly2006: I mostly think the world's a pretty fair place.
That's because it is, for you.
Grugly2006: I've always kind of felt like nothing terrible can happen to me, but nothing really great can, either.
Grugly2006: Something great happens to me?
I'm still hoping for that.
Grugly2006: …so something terrible happens.
At least two terrible things happen.
Lloyd: MOPINESS COUNTERMEASURES DEPLOYED
Grugly2006: Is there anything good about the time you live in?
I finally found some chips I like.
But they're not making them now because of the virus.
Lloyd: Virus chips!
Michelle: I always knew it was our vices that would destroy us.
Michelle: And I've always been okay with it.
Lloyd: FUCK ME LIKE YOUR SISTER'S DEAF
Amy: Are you guys moving the bed, in there?
Amy: It sounds like it's really heavy.
Michelle: She IS basically deaf!
Lloyd: Or bad at semantics.
Michelle: I don't know that word.
Lloyd: Me either.
Grugly2006: Maybe this whole story should just be people cheating on each other.
It'll never catch on.
Lloyd: Hopefully neither will Amy.
Michelle: I'm gonna think me a headboard now.
Amy: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT
I know, I know!
Amy: BITCH LEFT HER COMPUTER ON
Lloyd: Amy, it's not what it looks like!
Amy: It's NOT a book?!
Lloyd: Alright, the door's open.
Michelle: Good, I want the entire neighbourhood to hear this.
Lloyd: You mind leaving us alone for a bit, Aim?
Amy: Why, you gonna get up to some funny business? HAW HAW HAW
Michelle: "Haw haw haw"?
Michelle: Alright, let's show her "funny business."
Lloyd: Assuming she even turns around.
No, I've seen this kind of porn, she's supposed to somehow not hear you AND never turn around, even briefly!
Grugly2006: Well I don't think that kind of porn exists yet, so.
Amy: HOW DARE YOU DO FUTURE PORN WITH MY SISTER
Lloyd: I'm grazed, and confused.
Lloyd: DISPROPORTIONATE RETRIBUTION
That's a trope, but it's 2006 so I can't link it.
Lloyd: It's all in the past, Lloyd. It's all in the past!
Michelle: Am fat or am babied?
Michelle: Am babied!
Amy: Am bitchbied.
I originally typed that as "bitchbeid."
I think that's a political system that oppresses bitches?
As opposed to our present one, which oppresses all women equally.
Grugly2006: What happens, precisely, to turn me into such a bleeding-heart?
Grugly2006: The one I'm engaged in now?
No, because you're not engaging with that one well enough.
Grugly2006: I do my assignments.
Grugly2006: I do my readings!
Less than half of them, and always at the last minute.
Grugly2006: WHAT HAPPENS PRECISELY TO TURN ME INTO A SUCH A NERD
You're playing Half-Life and taking pictures of yourself with a blanket on your head because you think it makes you look like a Sith lord. Pretty sure you're a gigantic nerd alright, my me-man.
Grugly2006: …I was gonna do that second thing tomorrow.
Amy: There's, like, fifty goddamn books here. How is not one of them about ball-crushing?!
Suzie: I can't believe you almost blurted it out to your wife.
Lewis: Good, DON'T believe that! Because I COMPLETELY blurted it out to her.
Lewis: I'm just lucky the Maker talks over us so much.
Suzie: Was it good for you?
Lewis: Neither the act, nor my thoughts on it, have been preserved.
Amy: AGAIN WITH THE JUMP-CUTS
Walter: Maybe we should assume he's always about to show up.
Amy: So, we should always be doing something interesting, then!
Walter: And we know what interests him!
Amy: Yes, lucky us.
'06! You raised the wall up!
Grugly2006: Yeah, but it didn't feel right.
Grugly2006: I think this is more my speed.
The problem with prequels is, you don't want to advance the characters past where they were at the outset of the original work.
I mean, not that I could actually do that, in this case.
Grugly2006: Yeah, please don't warp reality just to improve my picture quality.
Are you caught in the moon's gravity, or something?
Amy: Is that a new cologne you're wearing?
Walter: Look down.
Suzie: ANGRY MUMBLING
Walter: Come back when you can articulate it better.
Suzie: It's not my fault the icons are blurry.
Lloyd: Hey boobie, what's jigglin'?
Kaylynn: Don't talk to my boobies.
Lloyd: But there's no-one else here!
Kaylynn: I don't know why I'm attracted to you.
Lloyd: I'm not attracted to you. But you come with the boobies, so.
Lloyd: I also want to come with the boobies.
Lloyd: Should've said "ON the boobies," I guess.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 16 April 2006.