

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which it's May Day in 2013.


Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Every day is May Day around here.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I dunno, I think things are working out.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Our names are a bit long.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yeah, but that's not our problem.

Felix: You leavin', dad?
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Yeah, I'm finally university age!
Felix: Wow! You're eighteen? Wait…
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I'm… like… a billion.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Which university are you going to?
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Académie le Tour.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Ew, Maxis college.
Fiona: Bring us back some baguettes.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Well, we'll mis-
Felix: BORED WITH THIS

Felix: I mean it's not like he does anything.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: BUT I WANTED TO MERGE HIM WITH HIS DAUGHTER

Fiona: You monster.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I take it this is a Russian car? It's very… minimalist.

Onwards and upwards, my man.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Oh, I'm gonna die?

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: The age of magic is at hand!
That's just a magic wand. It's not an age of anything.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: The age of magic wands is at hand!
No, see, you're not getting it.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: We're trying to be dramatic.
With emphasis, although not much emphasis, on the "trying."

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Appello Cattus Amicus!
God, I hate that one.

Ambiguity: 'sup.

Ambiguity: We doin' good, or we doin' neutral?

Ambiguity: SPEAK UP YO

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I haven't decided yet.
Ambiguity: Yeah, that tracks.

Ambiguity: I'm super pumped to be your minion of uncertain pedigree.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Who's this?!
Ambiguity: Hey baby.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Don't get too familiar with him.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: He's my familiar.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: And I don't like him.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I think he's cute! Creepy, but cute. Mostly creepy. But cute!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I'll shoot for one or the other, next time.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I don't think it worked.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Hey, whose cat?

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Is that cat a better warlock than you are?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: At least I don't lick my own ass.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Have you considered finding someone to marry who isn't a piece of shit?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What, like… a non-Murphy?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Maybe wait until I'm not pregnant before trying to set me up with someone.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: We know a cat who seems nice.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Don't let her set you up with my cat.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I need someone who won't toy with my affections, the way Stewart, and Stephen, and Kyle did.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Any leads?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I'm thinking of trying either Stewart, or Stephen, or Kyle again.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: …riiiiight.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Maybe try someone new?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I think all the other Murphy kids are engaged or married.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Are you casting an engagement spell?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I'm trying to cast a destupidification spell.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: SHE'S IMMUNE

Ambiguity: For everyone's information, I do not lick my own ass.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: For YOUR information, you do NOT put your spectral ass, licked or not, on our COUNTER.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I'm thinking of making our lives into a book.
No-one wants that.

Ambiguity: So, y'all just sit around comparing wands all day, huh.

Ambiguity: Aw, yeah, that's the shit.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I think it's your turn again.
Stewart: Do I want that?

Stewart: Or do I want that.
You are related to that.
Stewart: That's a very emphatic "no," then.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Speaking of very emphatic "no."

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: How 'bout a very emphatic yo!

Stewart: Whoa.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Very emphatic!

Stewart: Oh, hey, my head's been crushed.

Stewart: That was a little too much prest-o-change-o, even for me.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Sorry, it takes me longer to teleport myself and the baby.

Stewart: Whose baby?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Who knows.

Still the creepiest interaction.

Still the creepiest self-interaction.

Still the worst couple.
Stewart: Hey.
Heya.

Justus: CAUGHT SOCK-FOOTED

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What's this jacket made out of?
Stewart: Vertices.

Fiona: Sure, prop up the corpse like it's Weekend at Bernie's, we all know what you did.

Wendell: I don't know what he did.

Wendell: Tag! I'm leaving!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: My pants are people.

Wendell: Good times.

Stewart: Hey, there's… no door here.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Trapped… in the TICKLE ZONE!

Stewart: HAHAHA IT'S THE MOST STIMULATING PRISON

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You wanna watch a movie?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What's on?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Nothing's "on." Pick a genre. There's only one movie per.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Purrr.

I kind of don't care about these two, thanks to how much lumy12 hates Stewart.
Grugly2013: But… I like Stewart.
Well, you won't for long.

Stewart: Nobody does!

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I do!
I guess Margaret's nobody.
Grugly2013: She certainly started out that way.

Stewart: OH NOOOOOO-

Stewart: *sound of gargling gravel*

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It's okay, the human body is usually like ten percent gravel anyway.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Of course, we're not humans, so.

Stewart: Well, thank goodness.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I'm more in the mood to thank bedness.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I shouldn't have something beside my bed that openly mocks my present condition.
Yeah, sometimes I feel that way about my master's degree.

Okay, one of my master's degrees.
Fiona: Ooh, he's so smart.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: YOU DAMN KIDS
Felix: I'M OLDER THAN YOU

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: But I'm taller.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I got that from Speed. We just watched Speed.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I can't believe they blew up Jeff Daniels.

I should make up a warnings section for each chapter.
"This chapter contains spoilers for Speed (1994)" would be, like, the best header of all time.

Felix: HALF YOUR LIFE IS O-VER

Felix: And you didn't even LIVE it.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yeah, hey, what the fuck?
I got nothin'.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Maker '13?
Grugly2013: I don't even exist anymore, I accept no blame.

Felix: I say we excise the whole "Wendell" subplot.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Maybe we should just excise the whole "Wendell" instead.

Wendell: Getting the strongest urge to leave again for some reason.

Felix: YOU'LL NEVER GO TO HIGH-SCHOOL
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: That is one weak-ass followup, my dude.

Felix: YOU'LL NEVER HAVE A PROM-DATE
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Are proms even a thing, still?
Grugly2013: My prom sucked.
No, YOU sucked.

Grugly2013: Yeah, and I was already well aware of that by 2013.
Sorry, I've been writing Grugly2006 too much lately.

Ambiguity: I should probably mention that this stuff is probably carcinogenic.

Grugly2013: I don't find cancer jokes funny right now.
You won't ever.
But we're not writing this for us.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You breathed on me, like, all night long.
Next time: partial shade, Rosemarie and time.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013.