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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 529





If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which it's May Day in 2013.



Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Every day is May Day around here.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I dunno, I think things are working out.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Our names are a bit long.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yeah, but that's not our problem.



Felix: You leavin', dad?
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Yeah, I'm finally university age!
Felix: Wow! You're eighteen? Wait…
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I'm… like… a billion.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Which university are you going to?
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Académie le Tour.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Ew, Maxis college.
Fiona: Bring us back some baguettes.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Well, we'll mis-
Felix: BORED WITH THIS



Felix: I mean it's not like he does anything.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: BUT I WANTED TO MERGE HIM WITH HIS DAUGHTER



Fiona: You monster.



Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I take it this is a Russian car? It's very… minimalist.



Onwards and upwards, my man.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Oh, I'm gonna die?



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: The age of magic is at hand!

That's just a magic wand. It's not an age of anything.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: The age of magic wands is at hand!

No, see, you're not getting it.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: We're trying to be dramatic.

With emphasis, although not much emphasis, on the "trying."



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Appello Cattus Amicus!

God, I hate that one.



Ambiguity: 'sup.



Ambiguity: We doin' good, or we doin' neutral?



Ambiguity: SPEAK UP YO



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I haven't decided yet.
Ambiguity: Yeah, that tracks.



Ambiguity: I'm super pumped to be your minion of uncertain pedigree.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Who's this?!
Ambiguity: Hey baby.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Don't get too familiar with him.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: He's my familiar.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: And I don't like him.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I think he's cute! Creepy, but cute. Mostly creepy. But cute!



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I'll shoot for one or the other, next time.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I don't think it worked.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Hey, whose cat?



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Is that cat a better warlock than you are?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: At least I don't lick my own ass.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Have you considered finding someone to marry who isn't a piece of shit?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What, like… a non-Murphy?



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Maybe wait until I'm not pregnant before trying to set me up with someone.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: We know a cat who seems nice.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Don't let her set you up with my cat.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I need someone who won't toy with my affections, the way Stewart, and Stephen, and Kyle did.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Any leads?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I'm thinking of trying either Stewart, or Stephen, or Kyle again.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: …riiiiight.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Maybe try someone new?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I think all the other Murphy kids are engaged or married.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Are you casting an engagement spell?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I'm trying to cast a destupidification spell.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: SHE'S IMMUNE



Ambiguity: For everyone's information, I do not lick my own ass.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: For YOUR information, you do NOT put your spectral ass, licked or not, on our COUNTER.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I'm thinking of making our lives into a book.

No-one wants that.



Ambiguity: So, y'all just sit around comparing wands all day, huh.



Ambiguity: Aw, yeah, that's the shit.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I think it's your turn again.
Stewart: Do I want that?



Stewart: Or do I want that.

You are related to that.

Stewart: That's a very emphatic "no," then.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Speaking of very emphatic "no."



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: How 'bout a very emphatic yo!



Stewart: Whoa.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Very emphatic!



Stewart: Oh, hey, my head's been crushed.



Stewart: That was a little too much prest-o-change-o, even for me.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Sorry, it takes me longer to teleport myself and the baby.



Stewart: Whose baby?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Who knows.



Still the creepiest interaction.



Still the creepiest self-interaction.



Still the worst couple.

Stewart: Hey.

Heya.



Justus: CAUGHT SOCK-FOOTED



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What's this jacket made out of?
Stewart: Vertices.



Fiona: Sure, prop up the corpse like it's Weekend at Bernie's, we all know what you did.



Wendell: I don't know what he did.



Wendell: Tag! I'm leaving!



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: My pants are people.



Wendell: Good times.



Stewart: Hey, there's… no door here.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Trapped… in the TICKLE ZONE!



Stewart: HAHAHA IT'S THE MOST STIMULATING PRISON



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You wanna watch a movie?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What's on?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Nothing's "on." Pick a genre. There's only one movie per.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Purrr.



I kind of don't care about these two, thanks to how much lumy12 hates Stewart.

Grugly2013: But… I like Stewart.

Well, you won't for long.



Stewart: Nobody does!



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I do!

I guess Margaret's nobody.

Grugly2013: She certainly started out that way.



Stewart: OH NOOOOOO-



Stewart: *sound of gargling gravel*



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It's okay, the human body is usually like ten percent gravel anyway.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Of course, we're not humans, so.



Stewart: Well, thank goodness.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I'm more in the mood to thank bedness.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I shouldn't have something beside my bed that openly mocks my present condition.

Yeah, sometimes I feel that way about my master's degree.



Okay, one of my master's degrees.

Fiona: Ooh, he's so smart.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: YOU DAMN KIDS
Felix: I'M OLDER THAN YOU



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: But I'm taller.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I got that from Speed. We just watched Speed.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I can't believe they blew up Jeff Daniels.



I should make up a warnings section for each chapter.

"This chapter contains spoilers for Speed (1994)" would be, like, the best header of all time.



Felix: HALF YOUR LIFE IS O-VER



Felix: And you didn't even LIVE it.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yeah, hey, what the fuck?

I got nothin'.



Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Maker '13?
Grugly2013: I don't even exist anymore, I accept no blame.



Felix: I say we excise the whole "Wendell" subplot.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Maybe we should just excise the whole "Wendell" instead.



Wendell: Getting the strongest urge to leave again for some reason.



Felix: YOU'LL NEVER GO TO HIGH-SCHOOL
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: That is one weak-ass followup, my dude.



Felix: YOU'LL NEVER HAVE A PROM-DATE
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Are proms even a thing, still?
Grugly2013: My prom sucked.

No, YOU sucked.



Grugly2013: Yeah, and I was already well aware of that by 2013.

Sorry, I've been writing Grugly2006 too much lately.



Ambiguity: I should probably mention that this stuff is probably carcinogenic.



Grugly2013: I don't find cancer jokes funny right now.

You won't ever.

But we're not writing this for us.



Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You breathed on me, like, all night long.

Next time: partial shade, Rosemarie and time.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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