gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 531





If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which whose idea was it to make "the sword" the otherwise mightiest thing?



Stewart: Those "in which" statements are getting less and less sane.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: So's, you know, the world.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Luckily, the insanity is on my side.



Lydia: I was gonna stab you in your side.



Stewart: Hey, free might!



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: NOW YOU GOT NECK HERPES



Stewart: And back problems!



Stewart: This calls for scream-drowning-out.



♪ The first cut is the deepest ♪



Stewart: ♪ Baby, I know ♪
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: The first cut was mine.
Lydia: It was more of a puncture, though. BLEHH!



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Well, luckily, the first cut was just a distraction.



Stewart: Yeah, you're super stabbable today, lady.



Lydia: I ONLY FEEL IT IN MY NON-STABBED PARTS



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: That's stupid.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG



Rebel: Hey, we doin' charades?



Lydia: YOUR SOCIETY IS A CHARADE
Stewart: Tell us more clever things, dead lady!



Lydia: I'M GONNA WAKE ALL YOUR DUMB BABIES



Rebel: Honestly I'm not that interested.



Lydia: I'll… be back… for… the finale.



Rebel: I don't see why.
Dominic: She wasn't much of a character.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: When did you two learn to speak?



Lydia: *extended death rattle*



Stewart: Hand-clasping doesn't work anymore.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: One more thing for the list.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Pretty quick work, with the sword there.
Stewart: I couldn't've done it without your suddenly being a vampire for some reason.
The Grim Reaper: ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT GROSS BIOLOGICAL THING? BECAUSE I CAN ONLY DRY-HEAVE, AND I HATE DRY-HEAVING.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I think you and I got off on the wrong foot.
Stewart: Specifically, the foot on the accelerator of the car that ran my brother over.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Alright, you deserve this now.



Stewart: Yeah, how dare I remind you of that man you slaughtered.



The Grim Reaper: SO, ARE YOU GONNA STAB HIM NOW OR SHOULD I.



Stewart: You know, the last time someone turned one of us into a vampire, he became the first death in the Valley.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Technically you're already dead, since you're a vampire.
Stewart: DON'T DISRUPT THE CHRONOLOGY



Stewart: Bleh! Am I cool now?

It would take a lot more than vampirism.

First of all you'd need to not be Stewart.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: He's pretty much always needed that.



Stewart: I thought you didn't mind me!

I don't, but I have to play to the audience.



Lydia: *inexplicably persistent scream*



Lydia's Urn: *still screaming*



Stewart: I'll desist it.



Stewart: BOO URNS



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Sort of an unorthodox way to dust vampires, but hey.



Stewart: I still liked her better than that old chick.



Stewart: I was so fixated on the hot murderer I summoned, I didn't notice the hotter murderer right under my nose!



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Bring that nose in here, bud.



Stewart: After all this time, you're still attracted to me?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: It's a curse. I've got several.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: AND I BEAR THEM WITH GRACE



Speaking of bearing…

Whose kid is that?



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: It's probably a demon-spawn.
Stewart: I'm not super pumped to have it so close to my loins, honestly.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Babies should never be close to loins.

Except when they come out of them.

Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'm glad we sorted this out.



Stewart: I'm not glad we wasted half our sex scene talking about babies.



Stewart: Now let me drink this floor drink I found.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Why?
Stewart: It might make you hotter.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I know a better way to go about that.



Boy, those blue pregnant blowjob fetishists are gonna love this chapter.



Stewart: I guess I'm one of those, now.



Stewart: And one of these, now.



Stewart: So that's what my dick tastes like.

God, I hope that doesn't end up being the Quote of the Day.



Stewart: WHAT VAMPIRE POWER IS THAT



Hey, '13.

Grugly2013: Yo.

Vera Lynn died yesterday.

Grugly2013: Vera Lynn was alive?

Yeah, '06 was super surprised.

Grugly2013: I'm seven years more surprised than that!



Stewart: I wish Veronica had died instead.



Stewart: Come to papa!
Dominic: Do I get to choose who that is?



It's sad when a cool person dies.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I just remembered that Ian Holm died today.

FUCK.

I'm such a nerd, that shouldn't outweigh Vera Lynn.

Should it?



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: ♪ We'll meet again ♪

♪ Don't know where ♪

Grugly2013: ♪ Don't know whennnnn ♪

♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪

Thornmarie the Evil Witch: ♪ Some sunny day… ♪



Grugly2013: ♪ Keep smiling through ♪

♪ Just like you always do ♪

Rebel: ♪ Blah blah old people music blah blah, blah blah blah! ♪



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I THINK I FEEL A VERA COMING ON



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: OR AN IAN

We just had an Ian, actually.

So I guess he's retroactively a namesake.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: OHHHHHHHH LANGUAGE
Rebel: I will always be grateful for this retroactive gift of speech.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: OHHHHH I'M HAVING A PRINCELING OF DARKNESS AREN'T I



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: What if he comes for the baby?! STAY INSIDE! STAY INSIDE!



Stewart: I'm right here.
Dominic: Yeah, what's up with that?



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I can't hold it any longer!

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: …oh, it's kinda normal-looking. That's… almost disappointing, actually.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I shall name you Lydia.
Lydia: .oO(Why?)
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Because I know for a fact that it's not in use.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'm your momma!
Lydia: .oO(You're terrifying.)



Yes, particularly the way she read your mind a minute ago.

Thornmarie the Evil Witch: That was just for narrative convenience.



Stewart: There! You've learned how to tie your marshmallows.



I don't think any power on earth could induce me to put my hand where she's putting her hand.



I don't want pee on my hand, is what I'm saying.



Stewart: Bleh! Are you gonna make her a vampire?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Biting babies is generally not recommended?



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Then again, I bet vampiric pregnancy isn't recommended either.



Stewart: Honestly, vampiric anything seems like kind of a bummer.



Let me just go back to this unused pic for a sec.

That wheel, on the wall? That wall-wheel?

I just realized it's definitely a reference to how Rosemarie ran Leonard over with the car.

That's hilarious, and I love it.

Grugly2013: Thanks!
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I don't know who Rosemarie is, but she sounds like a bitch.



Stewart: Oh, hey! You had a baby.

Thornmarie's Baby. In a theatre near you, when theatres are a thing again.

(Do they need to be? I'd argue they don't.)



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: You're too dumb to be a vampire. Give it back.



Stewart: What's this?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Back-giver juice.



Stewart: Wow, all of a couple hours as a vampire, huh.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: You get to keep the couple, but you need to lose the vampire.



FACESMASH



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I thought for sure you were at least intelligent enough to drink properly.
Stewart: I like to keep you guessing?



Stewart: …and so does this potion, apparently.



Stewart: You're sure this actually does something?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'm not sure anything in this house actually does something.



Stewart: SUDDEN ATTACK OF THE MICHAEL-JACKSONS



Stewart: It's so hot how you basically killed and then un-killed me.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Don't make me regret the second part.



Grugly2013: I can never decide how to pair this bunch of characters up.

You could pair Thornmarie with someone interesting, and put Stewart, Margaret and Leonard in a blender.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Maybe his kid will turn out less shitty.



Stewart: Oh, likely not.



I like that evil witch look on you.

Grugly2013: It's super hot.

Not a big fan of pics with no moving lips, though.

Grugly2013: Well, there's a lot more where this came from.



Yes.

Thousands, in fact.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: You said something about taking a new approach, because this is a new year?

Yeah, but I'm an historian. I always fall back on the old things.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: BLEHBY



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Put it in here when you're done.
Stewart: Let's at least wait until she's a toddler to write her off.



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Your parents did that, and look what it got them.



Confidence: Main plot cameo!



Confidence: EXTENDED main-plot cameo!



Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'll see your main plot, and raise you a supermain plot.

Next time: statues! Very topical.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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