If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which whose idea was it to make "the sword" the otherwise mightiest thing?
Stewart: Those "in which" statements are getting less and less sane.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: So's, you know, the world.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Luckily, the insanity is on my side.
Lydia: I was gonna stab you in your side.
Stewart: Hey, free might!
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: NOW YOU GOT NECK HERPES
Stewart: And back problems!
Stewart: This calls for scream-drowning-out.
♪ The first cut is the deepest ♪
Stewart: ♪ Baby, I know ♪
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: The first cut was mine.
Lydia: It was more of a puncture, though. BLEHH!
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Well, luckily, the first cut was just a distraction.
Stewart: Yeah, you're super stabbable today, lady.
Lydia: I ONLY FEEL IT IN MY NON-STABBED PARTS
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: That's stupid.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG
Rebel: Hey, we doin' charades?
Lydia: YOUR SOCIETY IS A CHARADE
Stewart: Tell us more clever things, dead lady!
Lydia: I'M GONNA WAKE ALL YOUR DUMB BABIES
Rebel: Honestly I'm not that interested.
Lydia: I'll… be back… for… the finale.
Rebel: I don't see why.
Dominic: She wasn't much of a character.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: When did you two learn to speak?
Lydia: *extended death rattle*
Stewart: Hand-clasping doesn't work anymore.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: One more thing for the list.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Pretty quick work, with the sword there.
Stewart: I couldn't've done it without your suddenly being a vampire for some reason.
The Grim Reaper: ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT GROSS BIOLOGICAL THING? BECAUSE I CAN ONLY DRY-HEAVE, AND I HATE DRY-HEAVING.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I think you and I got off on the wrong foot.
Stewart: Specifically, the foot on the accelerator of the car that ran my brother over.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Alright, you deserve this now.
Stewart: Yeah, how dare I remind you of that man you slaughtered.
The Grim Reaper: SO, ARE YOU GONNA STAB HIM NOW OR SHOULD I.
Stewart: You know, the last time someone turned one of us into a vampire, he became the first death in the Valley.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Technically you're already dead, since you're a vampire.
Stewart: DON'T DISRUPT THE CHRONOLOGY
Stewart: Bleh! Am I cool now?
It would take a lot more than vampirism.
First of all you'd need to not be Stewart.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: He's pretty much always needed that.
Stewart: I thought you didn't mind me!
I don't, but I have to play to the audience.
Lydia: *inexplicably persistent scream*
Lydia's Urn: *still screaming*
Stewart: I'll desist it.
Stewart: BOO URNS
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Sort of an unorthodox way to dust vampires, but hey.
Stewart: I still liked her better than that old chick.
Stewart: I was so fixated on the hot murderer I summoned, I didn't notice the hotter murderer right under my nose!
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Bring that nose in here, bud.
Stewart: After all this time, you're still attracted to me?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: It's a curse. I've got several.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: AND I BEAR THEM WITH GRACE
Speaking of bearing…
Whose kid is that?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: It's probably a demon-spawn.
Stewart: I'm not super pumped to have it so close to my loins, honestly.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Babies should never be close to loins.
Except when they come out of them.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'm glad we sorted this out.
Stewart: I'm not glad we wasted half our sex scene talking about babies.
Stewart: Now let me drink this floor drink I found.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Why?
Stewart: It might make you hotter.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I know a better way to go about that.
Boy, those blue pregnant blowjob fetishists are gonna love this chapter.
Stewart: I guess I'm one of those, now.
Stewart: And one of these, now.
Stewart: So that's what my dick tastes like.
God, I hope that doesn't end up being the Quote of the Day.
Stewart: WHAT VAMPIRE POWER IS THAT
Vera Lynn died yesterday.
Grugly2013: Vera Lynn was alive?
Yeah, '06 was super surprised.
Grugly2013: I'm seven years more surprised than that!
Stewart: I wish Veronica had died instead.
Stewart: Come to papa!
Dominic: Do I get to choose who that is?
It's sad when a cool person dies.
FUCK FUCK FUCK
I just remembered that Ian Holm died today.
I'm such a nerd, that shouldn't outweigh Vera Lynn.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: ♪ We'll meet again ♪
♪ Don't know where ♪
Grugly2013: ♪ Don't know whennnnn ♪
♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: ♪ Some sunny day… ♪
Grugly2013: ♪ Keep smiling through ♪
♪ Just like you always do ♪
Rebel: ♪ Blah blah old people music blah blah, blah blah blah! ♪
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I THINK I FEEL A VERA COMING ON
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: OR AN IAN
We just had an Ian, actually.
So I guess he's retroactively a namesake.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: OHHHHHHHH LANGUAGE
Rebel: I will always be grateful for this retroactive gift of speech.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: OHHHHH I'M HAVING A PRINCELING OF DARKNESS AREN'T I
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: What if he comes for the baby?! STAY INSIDE! STAY INSIDE!
Stewart: I'm right here.
Dominic: Yeah, what's up with that?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I can't hold it any longer!
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: …oh, it's kinda normal-looking. That's… almost disappointing, actually.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I shall name you Lydia.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Because I know for a fact that it's not in use.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'm your momma!
Lydia: .oO(You're terrifying.)
Yes, particularly the way she read your mind a minute ago.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: That was just for narrative convenience.
Stewart: There! You've learned how to tie your marshmallows.
I don't think any power on earth could induce me to put my hand where she's putting her hand.
I don't want pee on my hand, is what I'm saying.
Stewart: Bleh! Are you gonna make her a vampire?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Biting babies is generally not recommended?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Then again, I bet vampiric pregnancy isn't recommended either.
Stewart: Honestly, vampiric anything seems like kind of a bummer.
Let me just go back to this unused pic for a sec.
That wheel, on the wall? That wall-wheel?
I just realized it's definitely a reference to how Rosemarie ran Leonard over with the car.
That's hilarious, and I love it.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I don't know who Rosemarie is, but she sounds like a bitch.
Stewart: Oh, hey! You had a baby.
Thornmarie's Baby. In a theatre near you, when theatres are a thing again.
(Do they need to be? I'd argue they don't.)
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: You're too dumb to be a vampire. Give it back.
Stewart: What's this?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Back-giver juice.
Stewart: Wow, all of a couple hours as a vampire, huh.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: You get to keep the couple, but you need to lose the vampire.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I thought for sure you were at least intelligent enough to drink properly.
Stewart: I like to keep you guessing?
Stewart: …and so does this potion, apparently.
Stewart: You're sure this actually does something?
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'm not sure anything in this house actually does something.
Stewart: SUDDEN ATTACK OF THE MICHAEL-JACKSONS
Stewart: It's so hot how you basically killed and then un-killed me.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Don't make me regret the second part.
Grugly2013: I can never decide how to pair this bunch of characters up.
You could pair Thornmarie with someone interesting, and put Stewart, Margaret and Leonard in a blender.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Maybe his kid will turn out less shitty.
Stewart: Oh, likely not.
I like that evil witch look on you.
Grugly2013: It's super hot.
Not a big fan of pics with no moving lips, though.
Grugly2013: Well, there's a lot more where this came from.
Thousands, in fact.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: You said something about taking a new approach, because this is a new year?
Yeah, but I'm an historian. I always fall back on the old things.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: BLEHBY
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Put it in here when you're done.
Stewart: Let's at least wait until she's a toddler to write her off.
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: Your parents did that, and look what it got them.
Confidence: Main plot cameo!
Confidence: EXTENDED main-plot cameo!
Thornmarie the Evil Witch: I'll see your main plot, and raise you a supermain plot.
Next time: statues! Very topical.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013.