gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 532





If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which I'm up early, so I'm writing this one ahead of time!



Belinda the Malevolent: Wow, how does it feel to be briefly competent?

You didn't say that. Your mouth is closed.

Belinda the Malevolent: I learned a ventriloquism spell.

You are evil!



Belinda the Malevolent: So, uh… what's the storyline, here?

Whatever you make it.

Belinda the Malevolent: Oh, THAT'S a bad idea.



Brett: It certainly has been so far.



Esther: I'm gonna go with autophagia.



Rebel: I prefer to phage others.
Emmy: Auto-cannibalism is not the answer! I read that in a video game once.



Belinda the Malevolent: READING. In VIDEO GAMES. GOD that concept makes me FURIOUS!



Belinda the Malevolent: I'm gonna be furious in your car now.



Jerome the Warlock: As long as the car doesn't go fast, we won't have a copyright dispute on our hands.



…you know what that looks like?

Jerome the Warlock: Yes. A book.



No, I mean THAT.

Jerome the Warlock: I don't see it.



Well, now you're the only one.



Jerome the Warlock: 'scuse me. Have to wash the taste of wood out of my mouth.



Jerome the Warlock: We've been told to make our own storylines! You're all I could think of.



Prof. Rebecca: That second sentence would have been super romantic without that first sentence.



Jerome the Warlock: I am an expert at defusing my own appeal.
Prof. Rebecca: As an academic, I respect expertise of all kinds!



Prof. Rebecca: Except holistic medicine.
Jerome the Warlock: Yeah, well, that doesn't really count, now, does it.



Congrats, '13.

Grugly2013: Hmm?

You finally found a pic so terrible I can't crop the problem out of it.



Grugly2013: Yeah, well, let's follow it up with a bunch more closed-mouth pics, shall we? Keep the theme going.



Brett: .oO(I hate this theme.)



WILL THERE EVER BE DIALOGUE AGAIN



Jerome the Warlock: Probably.



Prof. Rebecca: Generic love conquers all!



Your right hand looks kinda like the meat-flippers I've got going in Oak Point.



Jerome the Warlock: Hey baby, wanna play with my meat-flipper?



Prof. Rebecca: My meat-flaps are hungry for your meat-flipper.

HOW MANY QUOTES OF THE DAY IN A ROW CAN BE ABOUT DICKS



Prof. Rebecca: …I mean… all of them, potentially.



Jerome the Warlock: I've barely got enough dick to sustain one quote, though.
Brett: WHAT am I just about to walk out on?



Prof. Rebecca: Your dad and I were creating works of literary art.
Brett: ART IS DUMB. LADIES ARE DUMB.



Jerome the Warlock: GIRLS are dumb! LADIES are AWESOME.



Prof. Rebecca: Thanks, I think?



Prof. Rebecca: What's his problem?
Grugly2013: The ridiculous coding for kids seeing their parents with people who aren't their parents.



Luckily we can just crop the little fucker out.



Jerome the Warlock: Is he still following us?!
Prof. Rebecca: He's like a bad smell!



Jerome the Warlock: Yeah, well, that's kids for you.



Jerome the Warlock: Trust fall!
Prof. Rebecca: Nope!



Jerome the Warlock: You don't trust me?
Prof. Rebecca: Not as much as I trust gravity.



Jerome the Warlock: I didn't know you liked science fiction movies.



Prof. Rebecca: …a meat flipper this isn't.



Prof. Rebecca: You'd be hard-pressed to flip a coin with this thing.



Prof. Rebecca: Still, it goes down smooth.



Prof. Rebecca: And there's lots of room to talk around it!



Prof. Rebecca: It's such a polite little guy.



Wait, who is he engaged to?

Grugly2013: Belinda.

Oof. That might be your last meal there, Rebecca.



Jerome the Warlock: We're lucky the other Rebecca got renamed, or you'd be on the chopping block for sure.



Brett: .oO(There's more than one way to skin a Prof.)



Grugly2013: So, why did you get up early today?

Invigilating an online exam.

Grugly2013: I can't wait to have a job that has its own dedicated words.



Prof. Rebecca: Why did you wait so many years to get back in touch with me?
Jerome the Warlock: It's taken me this long to get another dedicated chapter.



Jerome the Warlock: At least, one where I wasn't fucking a teenage witch.
Prof. Rebecca: Please tell me her name isn't Sab-
Jerome the Warlock: It isn't.



Belinda the Malevolent: No, I'm a thoroughly-original teenage witch.



Belinda the Malevolent: Hi, whoever you are! This is my friend Mason. He lives in a mansion!



Mason: I'm an abomination!



You…

Belinda the Malevolent: Yep.

You gave life…

Belinda the Malevolent: Yep!

That's not even malevolent! That's…

Belinda the Malevolent: Hey! Don't mess with my adjective.



Mason: So, am I… what? A clone?
Belinda the Malevolent: You're a statue.
Mason: But… who am I? What kind of statue am I?
Belinda the Malevolent: A talking statue, obviously…



Belinda the Malevolent: Can't you hear yourself?



Jerome the Warlock: You'd better go.
Prof. Rebecca: As soon as the algorithm lets me.



Brett: .oO(The algorithm… OF DOOM)



Brett: .oO(Flowers are for girls.)



Brett: .oO(And I know just the girl.)



Brett: .oO(I hope she likes them.)



Belinda the Malevolent: I'm more into inanimate things, right now.



Belinda the Malevolent: My fiancé used to be married to-

OH GOD OH GOD

Belinda the Malevolent: …to a chick named Pe-

OH GOD OH GOD

Belinda the Malevolent: WHAT?

I'VE BEEN SPELLING FIANCÉ WRONG HALF THE TIME



Belinda the Malevolent: What?

IT'S FIANCÉE WHEN IT'S A WOMAN AND I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL JUST NOW

Mason: Speaking of things that just came up!



Mason: I appear to have the strength of ten men?
Belinda the Malevolent: No, just one man, but he's made of rock.



Belinda the Malevolent: All the way down, to my intense satisfaction.



Mason: Spread that satisfaction around, baby.



Samantha: Don't call me "baby," I'm almost a teenager.



Belinda the Malevolent: Okay, fair warning: I'm in thrall to a murderwizard.
Mason: That sounds like the title of one of those supernatural romance novels.



Belinda the Malevolent: I think Sleeping with the Statue is a better example.



Mason: There were plenty of hot chicks in the house you stole me from.
Belinda the Malevolent: You're related to all of them, though.
Mason: I'm related to none of them, unless there's some stone pine in their family tree which isn't immediately apparent.



Welcome to ClipFest 2013! I hate it.



Belinda the Malevolent: Will you excuse me for a second? I think I smell a plot leaving.



Belinda the Malevolent: Be a good lawn gnome and wait here.



Belinda the Malevolent: Ah, I love these §55 donations.



Jerome the Warlock: MY CAR LOOKS BIG AND FUZZY



Belinda the Malevolent: Hey there, Esther-hester-bo-bester, banana-fana-fo-fester.



Belinda the Malevolent: Me, mi… mo…



Belinda the Malevolent: …mester…



Belinda the Malevolent: JEROME

That doesn't rhyme.



Belinda the Malevolent: HOW COULD HE CHEAT ON ME

Because you're evil?

Belinda the Malevolent: DOES HE EVEN KNOW THAT



Belinda the Malevolent: PUT IT OVER HIS HEAD



Belinda the Malevolent: Okay. It's okay! Calm down. You're cool! You're cool. Look how cool you look, in your tracksuit, and your witch skin, and your RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON LIES



Belinda the Malevolent: Nope, he's toast.



Jerome the Warlock: Do you smell burnt me?



Jerome the Warlock: Okay, uh, I'm not really in the mood for… ass-play.



Belinda the Malevolent: I hope I hit your lungs, 'cuz I would love it if those were your last words.



Belinda the Malevolent: It's too late in the story for one-note characters, Jerome.



Belinda the Malevolent: And we've had all the tiny dick jokes we need, honestly.

Yeah, let's move on to more missing roof jokes.



Jerome the Warlock: I'm a main character!

Pff.

Jerome the Warlock: "Pff"?!

You heard me.



I'm over here now, dork.



Jerome the Warlock: Tell… Rebecca…

Nah.



Jerome the Warlock: Penny…



Belinda the Malevolent: Aww, that's so sad! I promise I'll tell Rebecca "Penny" for you.



Belinda the Malevolent: After I kill her.
Mason: Maybe you should tell her BEFORE you kill her.
Belinda the Malevolent: More sensible, but less funny.



Jerome the Warlock: I can't believe she's leaving me for an inanimate object.

You're both inanimate objects. The difference is, Mason can still be an inanimate fucking object.



Mason: HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS?!
The Grim Reaper: …WHAT



Belinda the Malevolent: …yeah, what?

Next time: what.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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