If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which I'll have a hard time escalating the wackiness, frankly.
Mason: I can't believe you cheated on me!
Belinda the Malevolent: I can't understand my cheating on you.
Belinda the Malevolent: What the fuck are you talking about?
Mason: You were sneaking around my back with that dead dude!
Belinda the Malevolent: I gave you sentience like SIX HOURS AGO! I'm ENGAGED to this dead dude! And you didn't see us doing ANYTHING romantic!
Mason: Revenge killing is romantic!
Belinda the Malevolent: You're an idiot. Go stand in the tree like an idiot.
Brett: Oh, it's another one of those nights, is it?
Rip Co. Wobbly Wabbit Head: Yesssss…
Belinda the Malevolent: I'm gonna have to ask you to get over your nonsense, statueman.
Mason: I can't help it if my brain is granite.
Belinda the Malevolent: So, you have… outfits.
Mason: And there's a big ol' statue dick in all of them, apparently!
Mason: I like your outfits better.
Belinda the Malevolent: OW.
Mason: Sorry, it doesn't really compress.
Belinda the Malevolent: That's okay, mine compresses enough for both of them.
Mason: You have a dick, too?
Belinda the Malevolent: Shut up.
Belinda the Malevolent: You're my dick.
Belinda the Malevolent: I want to pillow-pound you.
Belinda the Malevolent: Yep! This is what I meant, alright!
Mason: I can't feel anything!
Why did you animate a statue?
Belinda the Malevolent: You told me to make my own storyline. I made my own storyline.
Mason: Oh gosh, what's this feeling?!
Mason: It's my un-favourite.
Brett: Hi, what?
Not at all troubling.
Brett: I'mma gonna walk into traffic now.
Brett: BOO DEAD GUY YOU SUCK
I mean, technically, it was Prof. Rebecca doing the sucking.
We should move Kendra and Lucas over here, make this the Failed Gen 2 Move-Ins cemetery.
Mason: I don't like this pathing blocker.
Mason: I forgive you for whatever the fuck.
Belinda the Malevolent: As long as there's fuck involved.
Mason: Hahaha, I can't feel that!
Belinda the Malevolent: It feels like sandpaper, on my end.
Belinda the Malevolent: I think I can fix that "no feeling" problem.
Mason: Is it safe?
Belinda the Malevolent: You're an animate statue. Nothing about this is "safe."
Speaking of things that aren't safe, LEAVE
GREETING IS THE OPPOSITE OF LEAVING
Prof. Rebecca: Hey, aren't you William Sharpe?
Mason: He's a little less grey?
Mason: I'm Mason! I'm a statue of William Sharpe which has attained sentience.
Prof. Rebecca: You sound too smart to be a statue of William Sharpe.
Prof. Rebecca: The hotness checks out, though.
Mason: I'm a statue of William Sharpe if he attained sentience.
Mason: I've got a nine-inch dick made of solid stone, baby.
Prof. Rebecca: I was gonna ask after Jerome, but suddenly now not so much.
Mason: Oh, that guy died.
Prof. Rebecca: Of course he did.
Mason: The murder witch who lives here might have a prior claim on me.
Prof. Rebecca: I'm sure she's a nice, understanding murder witch.
Mason: Those don't exist.
Wait, Mason can teleport?
Grugly2013: William can teleport.
Mason is just a STATUE of William, though.
Grugly2013: He's a living statue! And you're complaining that he can teleport?!
Mason: Oh, RIGHT in the face. Nice.
Belinda the Malevolent: That's what she said!
Oh, good call! Nobody would ever intentionally look for something interesting in Deborah's room.
Belinda the Malevolent: Alright, upward and… upward.
Belinda the Malevolent: Ossa proten!
Belinda the Malevolent: Now look who's a tall drink of slaughter.
Belinda the Malevolent: I think I stretched my cleverness, too!
That's a stretch.
I thought you were gonna make Mason a real boy.
Belinda the Malevolent: I forget things that aren't about me pretty quickly.
Prof. Rebecca: I need to fix my face, for survivability.
I doubt Belinda will care what your face looks like.
Prof. Rebecca: It's you I'm trying to survive.
Mason: Are you taller, now?
Belinda the Malevolent: You noticed!
Mason: Yeah, it makes you less attractive to me.
Belinda the Malevolent: Don't make me quarry you.
Brett: DAD ATE ALL THE COOKIES BEFORE HE DIED
Prof. Rebecca: Hey, not bad!
That's my line.
Prof. Rebecca: You weren't saying it.
Brett: HIRE ME A COOKIE MAID
Sorry, Brett, but somehow I'm having trouble focusing on you right now.
Mason: I think I almost felt it that time!
Belinda the Malevolent: My humanity is wearing off on you!
Mason: Is that why you seem to have so little of it?
Mason: I have memories that aren't mine.
Belinda the Malevolent: Haha! That sucks.
Mason: I don't know why sucking gets such a bad rap.
Pictured: how racists feel about statues.
Belinda the Malevolent: I'm a statuaphile, myself.
Belinda the Malevolent: I love sand. It's coarse and rough and stimulating, and it gets everywhere.
Are we really gonna keep this chick?
Grugly2013: Do you honestly think I have some great big game plan here? Your memory must be hella short.
Prof. Rebecca: I need something to complete the look.
Have you considered clothing?
Grugly2013: He's insane, don't listen to him!
There's a joke to be made about a statue having sex, involving a word very similar to the word "statue."
I want credit for recognizing this and credit for not making the joke.
Belinda the Malevolent: You can have your statue and fuck it too, apparently.
Mason: I'm glad you made me a person.
Belinda the Malevolent: Pff, a person? Hardly.
Brett: SO HARDLY
Belinda the Malevolent: Hey, don't! You'll bring down the stucco.
Belinda the Malevolent: Ugh. I'll get the vacuum.
I'm now accepting suggestions for Mason's dickname.
I'm still not sure why dicks teleport so slowly.
DAMMIT, not ANOTHER dick Quote of the Day!
Brett: It's a real problem.
Mason: What are we doing back here?
Belinda the Malevolent: Ending the chapter on a suitably irreverent note.
Mason: Does this count as a threesome?
Belinda the Malevolent: Honestly, Jerome could be participating directly and you'd hardly even notice.
Belinda the Malevolent: My pet name for him was "Wee Willie Winkie."
Mason: What a loser.
Belinda the Malevolent: He certainly lost hard.
Mason: And you gained hard!
Brett: It's just you and me against the world, Mr. Grivver.
Mr. Grivver: .oO(I'd put my money on the world, if I were you.)
Prof. Rebecca: This feels like something of a romantic setback.
Prof. Rebecca: But I choose to interpret it as an opportunity for a snack run.
Prof. Rebecca: Buns, buns everywhere.
Belinda the Malevolent: Wow. You chafed EXACTLY the right amount!
Belinda the Malevolent: And to think I was considering you for a gravel pathway.
Mason: I'm too busy sex-thinking.
Belinda the Malevolent: Hey, don't let me stop you.
Belinda the Malevolent: I totally could stop you, though.
Belinda the Malevolent: You totally start me!
Belinda the Malevolent: Will you test the bounds of our local marriage laws with me?
Mason: Statues' rights, baby!
Belinda the Malevolent: In aggregate you stand.
Belinda the Malevolent: It's true! Statues are disappearing!
Belinda the Malevolent: Which is a good thing.
Yeah, if a statue is gonna come to life it might as well be a statue of a lover, not a fighter.
Unfortunately William is both, yes, good point.
Prof. Rebecca: Good point? He's got a great point!
Mason: Why are you made of all that squishy stuff?
Prof. Rebecca: It's for squishing, mostly.
Prof. Rebecca: The real question is, what're you gonna do with all that hard stuff?
Next time: I mean, it's gonna be a let-down after animate statues and grave-sex, so why even bother telling you?
This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013.