gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 533





If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which I'll have a hard time escalating the wackiness, frankly.



Mason: I can't believe you cheated on me!
Belinda the Malevolent: I can't understand my cheating on you.



Belinda the Malevolent: What the fuck are you talking about?
Mason: You were sneaking around my back with that dead dude!
Belinda the Malevolent: I gave you sentience like SIX HOURS AGO! I'm ENGAGED to this dead dude! And you didn't see us doing ANYTHING romantic!
Mason: Revenge killing is romantic!



Belinda the Malevolent: You're an idiot. Go stand in the tree like an idiot.



Brett: Oh, it's another one of those nights, is it?



Rip Co. Wobbly Wabbit Head: Yesssss…



Belinda the Malevolent: I'm gonna have to ask you to get over your nonsense, statueman.
Mason: I can't help it if my brain is granite.



Belinda the Malevolent: So, you have… outfits.
Mason: And there's a big ol' statue dick in all of them, apparently!



Mason: I like your outfits better.



Belinda the Malevolent: OW.
Mason: Sorry, it doesn't really compress.



Belinda the Malevolent: That's okay, mine compresses enough for both of them.



Mason: You have a dick, too?
Belinda the Malevolent: Shut up.



Belinda the Malevolent: You're my dick.



Belinda the Malevolent: I want to pillow-pound you.



Belinda the Malevolent: Yep! This is what I meant, alright!



Mason: I can't feel anything!



Why did you animate a statue?

Belinda the Malevolent: You told me to make my own storyline. I made my own storyline.



Mason: Oh gosh, what's this feeling?!

Trepidation.

Mason: It's my un-favourite.



Brett: Hi, what?



Not at all troubling.



Brett: I'mma gonna walk into traffic now.



Brett: BOO DEAD GUY YOU SUCK



I mean, technically, it was Prof. Rebecca doing the sucking.



We should move Kendra and Lucas over here, make this the Failed Gen 2 Move-Ins cemetery.



Mason: I don't like this pathing blocker.



Mason: I forgive you for whatever the fuck.
Belinda the Malevolent: As long as there's fuck involved.



Mason: Hahaha, I can't feel that!
Belinda the Malevolent: It feels like sandpaper, on my end.



Belinda the Malevolent: I think I can fix that "no feeling" problem.
Mason: Is it safe?
Belinda the Malevolent: You're an animate statue. Nothing about this is "safe."



Speaking of things that aren't safe, LEAVE



GREETING IS THE OPPOSITE OF LEAVING



Prof. Rebecca: Hey, aren't you William Sharpe?
Mason: He's a little less grey?



Mason: I'm Mason! I'm a statue of William Sharpe which has attained sentience.
Prof. Rebecca: You sound too smart to be a statue of William Sharpe.



Prof. Rebecca: The hotness checks out, though.



Mason: I'm a statue of William Sharpe if he attained sentience.



Mason: I've got a nine-inch dick made of solid stone, baby.



Prof. Rebecca: I was gonna ask after Jerome, but suddenly now not so much.



Mason: Oh, that guy died.
Prof. Rebecca: Of course he did.



Mason: The murder witch who lives here might have a prior claim on me.
Prof. Rebecca: I'm sure she's a nice, understanding murder witch.


Mason: Those don't exist.



Wait, Mason can teleport?

Grugly2013: William can teleport.

Mason is just a STATUE of William, though.

Grugly2013: He's a living statue! And you're complaining that he can teleport?!



Mason: Oh, RIGHT in the face. Nice.



Belinda the Malevolent: That's what she said!


Oh, good call! Nobody would ever intentionally look for something interesting in Deborah's room.



Belinda the Malevolent: Alright, upward and… upward.



Belinda the Malevolent: Ossa proten!



Belinda the Malevolent: Now look who's a tall drink of slaughter.



Belinda the Malevolent: I think I stretched my cleverness, too!

That's a stretch.



I thought you were gonna make Mason a real boy.

Belinda the Malevolent: I forget things that aren't about me pretty quickly.



Prof. Rebecca: I need to fix my face, for survivability.

I doubt Belinda will care what your face looks like.
Prof. Rebecca: It's you I'm trying to survive.



Mason: Are you taller, now?
Belinda the Malevolent: You noticed!
Mason: Yeah, it makes you less attractive to me.



Belinda the Malevolent: Don't make me quarry you.



Brett: DAD ATE ALL THE COOKIES BEFORE HE DIED



Prof. Rebecca: Hey, not bad!

That's my line.

Prof. Rebecca: You weren't saying it.

That's true!



Brett: HIRE ME A COOKIE MAID



Sorry, Brett, but somehow I'm having trouble focusing on you right now.



Mason: I think I almost felt it that time!
Belinda the Malevolent: My humanity is wearing off on you!
Mason: Is that why you seem to have so little of it?



Mason: I have memories that aren't mine.
Belinda the Malevolent: Haha! That sucks.



Mason: I don't know why sucking gets such a bad rap.



Pictured: how racists feel about statues.



Belinda the Malevolent: I'm a statuaphile, myself.



Belinda the Malevolent: I love sand. It's coarse and rough and stimulating, and it gets everywhere.



Are we really gonna keep this chick?

Grugly2013: Enh.

"Enh"?

Grugly2013: Do you honestly think I have some great big game plan here? Your memory must be hella short.



Prof. Rebecca: I need something to complete the look.

Have you considered clothing?

Grugly2013: He's insane, don't listen to him!



There's a joke to be made about a statue having sex, involving a word very similar to the word "statue."

I want credit for recognizing this and credit for not making the joke.



Belinda the Malevolent: You can have your statue and fuck it too, apparently.



Mason: I'm glad you made me a person.
Belinda the Malevolent: Pff, a person? Hardly.



Brett: SO HARDLY



Belinda the Malevolent: Hey, don't! You'll bring down the stucco.



Belinda the Malevolent: Ugh. I'll get the vacuum.



I'm now accepting suggestions for Mason's dickname.



I'm still not sure why dicks teleport so slowly.



DAMMIT, not ANOTHER dick Quote of the Day!



Brett: It's a real problem.



Mason: What are we doing back here?
Belinda the Malevolent: Ending the chapter on a suitably irreverent note.



Mason: Does this count as a threesome?



Belinda the Malevolent: Honestly, Jerome could be participating directly and you'd hardly even notice.



Belinda the Malevolent: My pet name for him was "Wee Willie Winkie."



Mason: What a loser.



Belinda the Malevolent: He certainly lost hard.
Mason: And you gained hard!



Brett: It's just you and me against the world, Mr. Grivver.



Mr. Grivver: .oO(I'd put my money on the world, if I were you.)



Prof. Rebecca: This feels like something of a romantic setback.



Prof. Rebecca: But I choose to interpret it as an opportunity for a snack run.



Prof. Rebecca: Buns, buns everywhere.



Belinda the Malevolent: Wow. You chafed EXACTLY the right amount!



Belinda the Malevolent: And to think I was considering you for a gravel pathway.



Mason: I'm too busy sex-thinking.
Belinda the Malevolent: Hey, don't let me stop you.



Belinda the Malevolent: I totally could stop you, though.



Belinda the Malevolent: You totally start me!



Belinda the Malevolent: Will you test the bounds of our local marriage laws with me?



Mason: Statues' rights, baby!



Belinda the Malevolent: In aggregate you stand.



Belinda the Malevolent: It's true! Statues are disappearing!



Belinda the Malevolent: Which is a good thing.



Yeah, if a statue is gonna come to life it might as well be a statue of a lover, not a fighter.

Mason: Unfortunately-

Unfortunately William is both, yes, good point.



Prof. Rebecca: Good point? He's got a great point!



Mason: Why are you made of all that squishy stuff?



Prof. Rebecca: It's for squishing, mostly.



Prof. Rebecca: The real question is, what're you gonna do with all that hard stuff?

Next time: I mean, it's gonna be a let-down after animate statues and grave-sex, so why even bother telling you?

This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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