gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 534





If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which I dunno, sex probably.



Irvin: Pass.



Laci: …hello?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock:
Laci: You picked up the phone, Alvin, it's a little late to pretend you're not home.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Of course I still love you! It's one of the things I hate most about you.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I've moved on! I'm part of the magic storyline now!
Laci: I kinda get the feeling everyone in that storyline is gonna die?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: But then again I'm always up for a B-plot now and then.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: You're a horrible bitch, but I'll let you make it up to me.



Cameron Price the Witch: Contractually-obligated main character appearance!



I think this one works better without dialogue.



Which is good, because nobody's mouth is moving.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Which one of them is nobody?



Both of them.



Irvin: That robe really accentuates your figure!



Elvis: I will stab you in the eye.



Alright, welcome to my new side project, I guess: The Woodrow Children Staring Silently at Each Other Chronicles.



Irvin: I'm gonna punch you right in your stupid hat!



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: You kids are creepy and weird.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: And I am loving it!



It's starting to look like they're sharing one brain.



Elvis: What the FUCK! Did you just take a swing at me?!
Irvin: I WANT THE WHOLE BRAIN, FUCKER!



Irvin: Just kidding! Dickpunch.



Elvis: Don't punch my dick.
Irvin: Why not?
Elvis: I don't even know how to answer that.



Elvis: Irvin punched my dick.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Don't punch his dick, Irvin.
Irvin: Why not?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I don't even know how to answer that.



Okay, I've written myself into a hole, here, and I'd like you to haul me out of it.

Laci: Is it a "kids saying the word "dick" too much and it's getting awkward" hole?

Ayup.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: LACI COME SAVE US FROM THE KID-DICKS



Laci: This place has really gone to hell while I've been away.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Oh, you've been away? When?



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Anyway, it was just the quality of the writing.

Hey.

Laci: No, he's right.



No, he's not.

It's the quality of the screenshotting, too.

Grugly2013: Hey!

Hey yourself! I can see the bricks of the neighbour's house through the gap in the ceiling.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Good news! I don't have the ponytail anymore, and the other guy's in jail! Nobody will confuse us anymore!
Laci: Hey, yeah! That's great news, Michael!



Laci: Not funny?



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I haven't missed you, Laci.
Laci: I've missed myself.



Laci: I had to pretend to be someone else for years.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Yeah, how come you never got arrested for that?
Laci: Administrative oversight.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Meaning?

Meaning I forgot to get her arrested.



NOBODY CARES



Grugly2013: I care.



Grugly2013: See how much I care?



Grugly2013: Gotta get the angle just right.



Laci: Hey baby, wanna get our angles just right?



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock:If you got the curves, baby I got the angles! ♪



Laci: You're staring at my tits.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Yes, I noticed.



My dad's getting ready to demolish my childhood playhouse.

It's been a home for mice and such for quite a few years.

A lot of my toys have mice crap on them.

I'm very sentimental, but I also have OCD.

It's not great?



Irvin: I'm so glad Elvis gave you the opportunity to tell us that sad, pointless story.



Grugly2013: Should I start clearing the playhouse out?

Pretty sure the damage has been done by your time, dude.

Grugly2013: Tell Grugly2006 about it before the Oak Point stuff is done, then!



Pictured: why you shouldn't have polygons inside of other polygons.



I was really hoping the next pic would be of Alvin and Laci, so he could say "Hey baby, wanna have my polygons inside of your polygons?"

Sasha: Sorry to disappoint.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Hey baby, wanna murder Theresa?



Laci: What's wrong with Theresa?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: She cheated on me! Just because I stabbed her in the face and cheated on her.



Laci: That's garbage.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: THIS STORY IS SO TRASHY



Laci: OH YEAH BABY SLAP MY CAN



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: THIS HAS TO STOP
Laci: As long as you're only referring to the wordplay.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: YES THE OTHER PLAY IS FINE



I'm so glad you decided to shoot this sex scene next to the most obnoxious persistent special effects failure in our game.



Grugly2013: Shit, the floating stop signs? I literally just now noticed those.



Grugly2013: Is this better?

Look at the hou-

Grugly2013: SHIT THE HOUSE IS GONE



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: WE FUCKED THE HOUSE AWAY!



pewwwwww



Grugly2013: I don't think they could hear the comet, from down here.
Laci: That wasn't the comet.



Laci: If you just sentenced me to three years of pregnancy, I'm gonna need reparations.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: We could fuck on some other stuff.
Laci: We could, couldn't we!



Laci: Of course, that would give you another chance to accidentally impregnate me.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: We could do it intentionally! That would completely remove all ambiguity.
Laci: And also all my interest.



Laci: Oh god, the hormones… the hormones are REVOLTING



Laci: They're making me do revolting things!

GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY

HALF THE HOUSE CAME BACK



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: My hand is glowing.



Laci: Maybe it's pregnant!



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I'm gonna keep it as far away from the rest of me as possible, then.



Laci: Oh, uh, I never actually asked you to marry me.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: That's good! The paperwork will be easier when it doesn't work out.



Laci: As long as we work out, I'm fine with that.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I prefer to work it in.



That reminds me of this one Tragically Hip song.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: How does it go?

A shitty singer sings shittily about a shitty sport with shitty music.

Yeah, that's right.

Come at me, the rest of Canada.



Laci: Come at me, preferably only Alvin.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Can I also come in you?
Laci: Only if you can produce a second comet.



Laci: Just splooge on the car, it's cheaper than wax.

You know, too often I get a sinking feeling when I realize I've just typed the Quote of the Day.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: SINKING INTO VAGINAS IS A NICE FEELING



Laci: Do you have a second phase, boss?



Laci: You DO!



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Is this what they call a lube, oil and filter?



Laci: No.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I've never orgasmed to the word "no" before.
Laci: …that's probably a good thing?



Laci: Probably not a good thing: accidentally making a rape joke right after you have sex.



Naked asses on cushions!

My new greatest fear.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: …the devil.



Laci: *appears*



Since when is Laci a warlock?

Grugly2013: Sorry…

Are you backsliding?! You've been publishing the Chronicles for, like, three years! You should know better than to miss pics.



You certainly didn't miss any porn pics! I had to cut out, like, half of them.

Grugly2013: What?

Every other pic had them making a completely neutral face!

Grugly2013: THAT WAS A JOKE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE, DAMMIT!



Grugly2013: They'd be all like "OOH OOH WE'RE FUCKING" and then just suddenly not caring!



Grugly2013: You could've counterposed sex dialogue with boring dialogue, comedically!



Grugly2013: I can't believe you're ruining my journal.



Except their mouths aren't fucking moving in these pics?

Grugly2013: …you're still ruining my journal.



Laci: Now, now. We're all ruining it together!



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: SOME OF US MORE THAN OTHERS



Laci: New hair!

I hate it.

Laci: It's not for you!

IT'S ALL FOR ME



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I think it looks cute.

I think it'd look cute on someone who doesn't already look cute.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Oh, that's true. Rule of Conservation of Cute, and all that.



Laci: Sure, pop that feller right in there. It's not as sore as a cored-out apple right now, or anything.



Laci: Yes, apples get sore. That's how they get bruised.



Laci: I'm not gonna top that.



Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: You can top me any time, baby, with that bottom.



Pictured: what it feels like to go from playing video games to doing research.



Pictured: what it feels like to go from being naked to being clothed.



Not pictured: those kid dicks we were talking about at the beginning of the chapter, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NAKED



Irvin: There's nothing to see anyway. Your censor blobs just make it look like there is.

Look, if there's someone out there who's into adolescent Ken dolls, I don't want them reading my journal.

Next time: passing the torch/house.

Not torching the house, mind you.

That comes later.

Maybe.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013 to 2 May 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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