gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 540





If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which, well, wow. Half a year and no missed updates.

Lots of late updates, but I'm an academic. Late still counts.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Speaking of "late," looks like I missed one.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: That's a series of words I hope never to say again in a different context.



…alright, I'm gonna go through and delete every picture with only closed mouths in it now.

Grugly2013: But wait, I-

No, fuck you, I'm doing it.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Come on over! We're having an efficiency party today.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I like this new direction you're taking.
Grugly2013: You've skipped two pics already!
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Now skip his dialogue, too.



Shut up Xavier.

Xavier the Warlock: Wh-

I want to compliment '13 on his framing.

Grugly2013: Thanks! But shouldn't we be letting the characters talk?

Fuck the characters.



Xavier the Warlock: We'll fuck ourselves, if you'll let us.



Sullivan: Check out that fat drip behind you.



Xavier the Warlock: THAT WAS RUDE



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Do you really care?
Xavier the Warlock: No, I'm virtue signalling.



Xavier the Warlock: Although I feel my virtue wavering.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: What variety of Murphy are you?
Xavier the Warlock: My day's Stephen and my mom's Ember.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: So, we're not related?
Xavier the Warlock: …no?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Dangit, I'm burning daylight here.



Xavier the Warlock: Why would you want me to be related to you?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I'm trying to have sex with the entire neighbourhood, but Abigail wants to set my family ties properly so I can't.
Xavier the Warlock: I mean… even rephrased, you're still clearly in the wrong here.



Xavier the Warlock: Also I've clearly been stretched?



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I have that effect on men.



Xavier the Warlock: I've noticed, yeah.



I just watched the first two episodes of The Mandalorian with my dad.

It's pretty good.

That's my hot take, somebody get me a web series.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Now for some hot give-and-take!



Grugly2013: You're skipping pics again!

You took, like, fifty fucking shots of… fucking!



Grugly2013: Do you not like FUCKING in 2020?

I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT IT'S LIKE



Xavier the Warlock: That sounds terrible.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You're still here?



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You saw, you came, you're leaving.



Xavier the Warlock: Can I see you again?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: From a distance, sure.



Yusun: There a breeze in here?



Penny: I'm exposing my unborn child to sharp objects like a good mom!



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Statistically they've got sharp objects in their futures anyway.



Xavier the Warlock: Hey, baby, you wanna become a character?
Yusun: Not if it means friendship with you.



Penny: Yeah, characterhood blows.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Okay, this one I'm related to.

Nope.



Xavier the Warlock: What's stopping me from putting one of these in your ear?
Yusun: Poor footing, mostly.



Grugly2013: Where's the hot pic of her looking at me?

Cut it. Closed mouth.

Grugly2013: PUT IT BACK THIS INSTANT



Grugly2013: IT'S VERY IMPORTANT



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Wanna have sex behind arguing gods?



Ooh, that suits her.

Grugly2013: Not so above it all, then?

No straight man is above cleavage.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I don't appreciate all this objectification.

Good point.

One should only objectify things with physical forms.



Mrs. Crumplebottom: I DON'T APPROVE OF PHYSICAL FORMS



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I don't know what that's like.
Nick: Me either.



Nick: I thought my family had a monopoly on the whole "teleporting" thing.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You have thoughts?!



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I thought you'd need all your blood flow to keep your…
Nick: Have we honestly not done enough dick jokes lately?



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: What would you rather do? Plotline stuff? All we've got is that magic thing, and it barely is a thing!
Nick: Everybody loves magic!
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: NOT POORLY-ESTABLISHED MAGIC!



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Dicks, on the other hand, are better-established here than most characters.
Nick: She's got a point.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You've-

NO

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: What?

NO MORE DICKS-ARE-POINTS JOKES



GET TO THE POINT ALREADY



SHIT I MADE ONE



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: How about we-

NO

Nick: What?

NO MORE SEX-IS-MAKING JOKES EITHER



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: By Chapter 550 this will just be his random ravings over top of screenshots of random people making out.



Nick: Isn't that what the whole thing has been, basically?



Nick: How come it's "making out," anyway? When we're indoors, shouldn't it be "making in?"

Go ahead, I'll permit it.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: "Making in" is what comes after "making out," Nick.



Nick: I'll buy that for a dollar.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: In advance, please.



Nick: I don't have a dollar.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: And he certainly doesn't have any sense!



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Yay for the oldest jokes ever.



You're lucky I'm even bothering with jokes.



Grugly2013: Feels like maybe you need to take a break?

I CAN'T.

I AM A PRISONER OF MY OWN RESOLUTIONS.



AAAAAAUGH SLOW DANCE

Grugly2013: Nobody keeps up their New Year's resolutions, dude.

I KNOW

I'M SPECIAL THIS YEAR

AND IT'S GREAT



Grugly2013: It doesn't sound great.

SHUP UP IT'S FINE SHUT UP



I'm just… sort of… running out of time for, like, everything I'm trying to do with my life? All at once?

Grugly2013: I'm trying to sympathize, but it's not happening.



Grugly2013: I'm basically sitting on my ass, playing video games.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Asses are under-rated!



Nick: I mean, they get a lot of attention, really.



Nick: It's the ass-grabbers I think deserve attention. You guys are, like, essential workers or something.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Oh yeah, baby, pay me minimum wage.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Are you using me as a soapbox again?

What's the point of having fictional characters, otherwise?



Hey, everybody doing shit jobs for no money right now:

If we eat the rich, you get first bite.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: What about eating out the rich?
Nick: I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You'll always have mine, baby.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: So mine it.



Nick: I'm not a miner.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Well, thank heavens.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Well, shit.



Well, we made it.

Next time: I start writing before the chapter's due and it's less a diary of a man in mid-breakdown.

I mean…

…maybe.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 5 May 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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