gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 549





If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which I'm doing it! I'm doing it!




Charity: Time to school these pre-capitalistic plebs.



Charity: Hey! HEY! Opportunity cost's a-wastin'!



I should clarify what I said before.

I like Charity as a character.



Charity: You don't have to like capitalism for it to work.

In fact, it helps if you don't.



Leonard: …this seems like the wrong time of year to be putting in a pond…?



The fuck are you…?

Charity: Abigail managed to encode her university degree into my DNA. I'm accepting all the career signing bonuses, then immediately quitting.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: The moment there's a significant sample size of Abigails, I become the underachiever.



Charity: Wait'll she makes the Pleasure Sim version, you'll feel better.



Leonard: Oh god, there's a Fortune Sim in the house, isn't there.



There most certainly is.



Charity: Otherwise known as A SIM WHO CARES ABOUT THE HOUSE



Charity: They don't usually call us that, because it takes too long.



Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I can't hardly keep up with you.
Charity: I wouldn't advise trying.



Charity: Alright, momma needs a less altruistic project.



Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: We're not mommas. Or I did some truly revolting things, recently.



Leonard: Speaking of truly revolting, I miss my sisters.



Leonard: Oh, hello there. Who are you?



Charity: Oh, hello there! How you are.



Charity: How you are indeed.
Nick: What?
Charity: So true, so true.



Nick: Do I know you?
Charity: You could say you've known me.




Charity: But right now I've got customers to fuck.



Charity: And what better way to do that than with a rub-and-tug?!



Charity: I'm marking up the tugs considerably.



Oliver: I ain't gettin' no aunt-massage.



Charity: Yeah, I'm not really sure I want to give one, either.



Charity: At least not so cheaply.



Oliver: Why would I want something I don't want just because you've doubled the price?!
Charity: Because advertising! Business administration! Economics! Other complete bullshit!



Charity: Let me consult my muse.



Charity: Maybe I should've sprung for the plastic muse. These corkboard muses have lousy finger-feel.



Oliver: Have you considered not selling massages?
Charity: Have you considered not being a filthy socialist?!



Oliver: If I'm filthy, you're part filthy.



Charity: Alright, new plan.



Charity: Welcome to Greta's Garb! I'm Greta.
Oliver: You're my aunt Charity.
Charity: DON'T BREAK KAYFABE



Charity: Welcome to my emporium!
Oliver: Are you qualified to run this place?
Charity: I went to a clothing store and judged the fuck out of it, so I'd say yes?



Pictured: how I feel about Charity as a subject of writing.



Charity: Pictured: I want to fuck Tucker.



Charity: BUT ONLY IF HE BUYS FROM ME



Tucker: That's one hell of a purchase incentive.



Charity: I went to university for this.
Tucker: Sales?
Charity: Elitism.



Tucker: I went to space university, myself.
Charity: They have university in space?
Tucker: Um, no? It's on SimEarth? You have to go to space university before they let you go to space, stupid!



Charity: I just noticed your pants. You need to leave.



Tyler: THIS IS THE BEST CLOTHING STORE FOR JUMP-ROPE IN THE COUNTY!



Charity: Thank you for attending our opening.



Charity: How's about you and I engage in an interaction involving states of dress and undress?



Charity: Or you could sit on my couch and watch TV, I guess.



Charity: Or we could do the thing I suggested.



Charity: So long as no-one more interesting stops by, of course.
Tucker: Well, of course.



Charity: Aw, bad news.



Tucker: We're on a date, though.
Charity: That's true. Alright, spend money on me.



Charity: As in, give money directly to me.



Charity: For goods and services!
Tucker: I don't want goods and services.
Charity: EVERYBODY WANTS GOODS AND SERVICES



Charity: Do not speak ill of goods and services.



Charity: They make me wet.



Charity: As do you!
Tucker: Am I a good, or a service?
William: If you're good, maybe she'll service you.



Tucker: I've always thought of myself as good.



Tucker: Oh, hey, I just remembered: I'm actually on an island in the South Pacific.



Tucker: And also I'm married to your niece?



Charity: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over your money talking.



Charity: You ever hear what every girl's crazy 'bout?



Charity: It's something to do with sharpness.
Andrea: I've got Sharpeness…



Charity: You're not supposed to be telling people that.
Andrea: Why?
Charity: Because you're fucking Sharpes.
Andrea: Yeah, but people expect that kind of shit from us by now.



Andrea: Thanks for looking out for me, though!
Charity: The bill is in the mail.



Charity: God, billing gets me hot.
Tucker: Oh, that's what's doing it.



Charity: My first romantic transaction!



Tucker: Only fifty percent ruined by the ambience.



Andrea: Do you think I should get a new pair of boots?
William: Sorry, they don't introduce separates until TS3.



Andrea: We keep hitting a technological wall with this game.

Well, too bad, because the sequels make me head-desk.



Pictured: asymmetrical commerce.



Andrea: That was the BEST SHIT I'VE EVER HAD!



Tucker: Stop shitting up my date.



William: Mommy's little plot-hijacker.



Charity: It runs in the family.
Tucker: It had better run.



Tucker: The girl is mine.
William: You can have her. We're related.
Andrea: He means Charity.
William: Oh well fuck that.
Tucker: I intend to!



Charity: Let Greta fit you out! A new costume for a new era!
William: We're in a new era?
Charity: We are! He's suddenly not writing like shit again!

Hey, it was only… about… forty chapters.



I found my muse.

Charity: Plastic or corkboard?
William: I was gonna pay cash, actually.



Charity: ♪ Meta ♪



Charity: Oh my yes.
William: You're right, the orange Afrikaner look suits me!



Charity: .oO(Was that woman molting?)



Noelle: Go 'way! I heard there's awesome shittin' here.



Charity: Go shit your balloon pants, we're done for the day.



Tucker: NINJA SHOWER

Next time: Charity will only get you so far.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 6 May 2013.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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