gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 553





If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which men do so have a negative reaction to emotional cheating.



Today we're doing a "lower decks" style examination of those perennial peripheral characters, the stank flies.



Now the actual story will be a lot more entertaining.



Open your FUCKING MOUTH



ANYONE



HELLO

Grugly2013: Hello?



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Hello!



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I just came….
Chelsea: …to say hello?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: No, I just came.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Let me in so I can change my underwear.



Chelsea: You can change mine, too.



Chelsea: What are you doing here, Don?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: That's up to you, innit?



Chelsea: I'm married? I've got kids.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Yeah, I'll admit that's kind of a turn-off, but.



Chelsea: I wish I could turn you off, butt.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I wish I could turn your BUTT off!



Oliver: ♪ Fuck me a lady tonight ♪



Oliver: ♪ Never get out of my sight ♪



Oliver: ♪ STICK WITH ME BABY I'M THE FELLOW WHO CAME IN YOU ♪



Chelsea: That was both clever and appropriate.



Chelsea: Don't look under the bed.



Oliver: Ooh, a game I can win!



Oliver: I've been winning it this whole time, in fact!



MOUTHS

Grugly2013: Sorr-

MOUUUUUUTHS



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: The fuck you doing out here?
Oliver: Just bein'!



Oliver: Also exercising my federal franchise.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: That's a mailbox.
Oliver: Yeah, we do mail-in ball-
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: WE DON'T DO ANY BALLOTS



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Alright, I came in through the servants entrance.
Chelsea: You mean the door?



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Let me service you.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Okay, we could do one of those porns where the husband is, like, right there, but doesn't notice!
Chelsea: That sounds great! How do we get him on board, though?



In this game?

You don't.



Oliver: I found this business man outside. I think he misses his business.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I intend to get all up inside someone else's business, soon!
Oliver: Hahaha, oh, businessmen! You so rapacious.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Please don't hold his unfortunate choice of words against me.



Oliver: I'm gonna introduce you to a business man. He might take you to his business monastery and make you a business monk, some day!



Oliver: This is our most attractive child!
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: She's not my type.



Oliver: Yeah, I… didn't really mean it that way.
Chelsea: Shouldn't've really said it that way, then.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Also not my type: this battlefield of fallen child soldiers.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Pretty nice domestic situation you got here. Be a shame if someone fucked it all up.
Oliver: I agree!



Chelsea: Shame is one of my kinks.



Chelsea: I have pretty much all the kinks.



Marco: I have one, but, it's… you.



Oliver: Wow, check out the limp wrist on that dude! He is no threat to me, haha!



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Like he needs threats.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Beyond, y'know, himself.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: This is a pretty great terrifying wall-dwelling you've built!



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Lots of garbage on the lawn, though. And on the kitchen floor.



Chelsea: Asshole.



Oliver: Why is there an asshole in my living room?



Oliver: Oh! You're going to be a good influence on him. That sounds like you!



Oliver: My wife is the best wife.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: "My wife is the best wife."
Chelsea: Fuck off.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Are you inviting me to a fuck-off?



Chelsea: Possssibly.



Chelsea: Oh, this feels so wrong. Why does this feel wrong? I'm a Romance Sim.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: You might have turned Family by default when you had your seventeenth child?



Chelsea: Okay, I've only had… uh… uhhhhh…
Oliver: Don't you kids be uhhhh-uhhhhhing in there!



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I can't believe you left me for him.
Chelsea: I can't believe you're on about that after how many decades?

I keep meaning to do up a timeline.



If only I was famous enough for a wiki.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: He wants more fame! Quick, let's fuck in creative and hilarious ways!



Chelsea: You're supposed to be a dude I don't even know, dude.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Well obviously it's working, since you just called me "dude"!



Oliver: She's not THAT ugly.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I'mma go check on her.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Ah, the bathroom. This is where it all started.



Chelsea: That's just in the book. In the Chronicles I was making out with him in the living room, like a goddamn lunatic.



Chelsea: And it wasn't even either of our living rooms!



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I'll never forget how I beat the shit out of him.



Chelsea: Apparently you will?



Oliver: I haven't read the book. What happens?



This guy walks in on this girl cheating on him with you.



Oliver: That sounds TERRIBLE!



Chelsea: What? He was just telling me how to take a shit.



Chelsea: Don't have a cow.



Chelsea: And ignore that! It's just signifying how my special new shits are breaking all the rules!



Oliver: I only MOSTLY believe that.



Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I could fight you in the living room, if it would make you feel better.



Hector: Who's this fuckin' guy?
Rip Co. Wobbly Wabbit Head: He's a fuckin' guy, alright.



Oliver: I thought you were cheating on me.
Chelsea: Christ, you walk in on me holding hands with a stranger in the bathroom and you leap STRAIGHT to conclusions!



Oliver: I just know what a bwitch you are.



Chelsea: Nice save?



Hector: What's a bwitch?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Less powerful than an awitch.



Chelsea: Look. I'm raising your kids. I married you! What more do you want, fidelity?!



Oliver: Mostly I want you to stop cockblocking me with the business man.



Chelsea: I just met the business man! I didn't know he was gonna show up and want to do business while you walked around with a stick in your pants!



Oliver: Kiss my stick.



Chelsea: I mean, if that's what it takes to make you happy…



Chelsea: We could just kiss normally, though.
Oliver: I didn't know you did anything normally.



Chelsea: Normally I don't!



Chelsea: But you're the normal in my life.
Oliver: Awwww.
Chelsea: You're so normal, you took that as a compliment!



Chelsea: Having me as your wife is the best compliment anyone ever paid you.



Chelsea: Look how hot I am.
Oliver: I always do!



Oliver: Just promise me you won't cheat.
Chelsea: I promise.

Next time: she cheats.

Oliver: What?

This chapter depicts gameplay from 7 May 2015.

Oliver: I don't believe you. She promised!

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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