If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which itches itch.
Oliver: But which itch is which?
Chelsea: Shut up, dude.
Chelsea: Wait! I just remembered a crazy technique my mom taught me for shutting dudes up!
Oliver: Do the dudes like the technique?
Chelsea: As long as they like the techniquetrix.
Oliver: You definitely earned your trixitude, Chel.
Oliver: I feel six feet tall when I kiss you!
Chelsea: Yeah, how 'bout that.
Oliver: How 'bout THIS
Oliver: MAN I love that shirt.
Chelsea: Awesome! I'll never take it off, then.
Oliver: I WILL
Chelsea: Go for the panties first.
Chelsea: I suddenly don't want them.
Oliver: You do love me.
Chelsea: Was there ever any doubt?
Oliver: Yeah, that's why I said it.
Chelsea: Fair enough.
Oliver: I knew you were the girl for me when you cheated on that dumb paper dude. And I double knew when that dumb paper dude turned into a zombie and ate my brain.
Chelsea: Yeah, you were never very good at critical thinking, were you.
Chelsea: Alright, that's enough sappy stuff.
Oliver: Am I embarrassing you?
Chelsea: No, but you're making me feel things I'm going to need to not be feeling later.
Oliver: What does that mean?
Chelsea: It's so hot that you're too dumb to know.
Oliver: Show me how he showed you how to take a shit.
Yeah, thanks, that's the FUCKING Quote of the Day now.
Chelsea: I feel very good about my relationship choices.
Chelsea: BOTH OF THEM
Chelsea: He is LITERALLY RIGHT THERE
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Well unless he's not planning to flush, we'll have an early warning.
Oliver: ♪ Don't give me no hands unclean world ♪
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Just call me your flat-head screw-driver, baby.
Chelsea: I won't, but it was funny once.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: How can you stand it?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Being so hot?
Chelsea: I can't! That's why I'm wearing so little.
Oliver: She loves me!
Oliver: I can put my hair back!
Oliver: She loves me, so I don't have to play to her Turn-Ons.
Well, it's probably a good idea to have something to blame what's going to happen next on, anyway.
Oliver: That sentence left a bad taste in my brain.
This image leaves a bad taste in my nose.
Chelsea: I permit you to leave a taste of your choice in my mouth.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I choose tongue-taste.
YASSS NEW QUOTE
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Your tongue tastes stronger.
Chelsea: I can untie cherries stems with it.
Oliver: Yeah, but, you see, I have to put him here.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Isn't this exciting?
Chelsea: Yes, it's good being bad.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Only when you're good at it.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: And you're bad at being good.
Chelsea: A MAN WHO TAKES OUT THE GARBAGE
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: AND IT ISN'T EVEN MINE
Oliver: I think this should count for something.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: This is how people who think they're alpha males think the real world works.
Oliver: Whoops, hahaha, sorry, broke my arms.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Yet another advantage I have over him.
Chelsea: He never started a zombie apocalypse, though.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I didn't start it. I was just the initial investor.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Speaking of which, I'mma go deposit in your shitter while you make me more future-shit.
Chelsea: He's one o' them romantic poets, he is.
Oliver: We could use a little romance around here.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Careful what you wish for.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: You know, there are many different kinds of prison.
Chelsea: You offering to bust me out?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I would do anything for bust.
Oliver: Sing Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are!
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I won't do that.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I'll do that, though.
Chelsea: So you keep saying.
Oliver: So, what's your name?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Read the nameplate.
Oliver: Why were you Meat Loafing my wife?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Yes, I was doing it well, thank you.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I'm an investment banker. I'm here to invest in her bank.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Also, as you can see, I'm a warlock. We lock wars!
Oliver: Oh, that's good! You don't want those getting loose.
There are also kids here.
I do not at the moment care about them.
Oliver: Yeah, they're kinda like ghosts, only they eat your food.
Some ghosts do that.
Oliver: I guess they might actually be dead, then?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Look, man, we got off on the wrong foot. I only have the sexiest of intentions towards your wife.
Oliver: Say that again?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Nah.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I just want you to know that you can trust me! And her.
Oliver: Oh, I already know I can trust her.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Hahaha idiot.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Sorry, I've had that weird cough for a while now.
Oliver: NO 'RONA
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: You're a very lucky man, Oliver Murphy.
Oliver: I mean… not on average.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: You've got a lovely house, and a beautiful wife!
Oliver: That's what I keep asking myself!
Oliver: Now please leave before we need to change the song of the day to The Talking Heads.
Chelsea: YES PLEASE LEAVE
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: 'til we meet again.
Oliver: Hopefully not?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: That goes double for me.
Oliver: He doesn't want to come back!
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Or I just don't want you to see me coming.
Chelsea: I do.
Oliver: He's right, though. I've got the most beautiful wife in the whole wide world!
Chelsea: You sure do got me!
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: But we'll see who ends up having her.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Shit for brains.
Chelsea: I'm gonna take a bath.
Chelsea: Is there more than one possible reason?
Oliver: I guess not, since I rid my house of potential bath-companions!
Oliver: Shit for brains.
Chelsea: You're gonna make me wait another day?
There need to be some drawbacks to your perfidy.
Next time: drawbaths and profligacy.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 7 May 2013.