If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which look, I was doing a lot of other stuff, okay?
See? They weren't doing shit without me anyway.
Ember: Yeah, I try not to do shits in my coffin.
Ember: I don't even like coughin' in my coffin.
I can see why y'all would miss sparkling dialogue like that.
Alec Prince the Damned: Did somebody say SPARKLING?!
Alec Prince the Damned: Or was it sparking?
Ember: SPARKING MEANS KISSING
Ember: On The Beverly Hillbillies, at least.
I prefer Green Acres.
Ember: I prefer STAY-AT-HOME HOUSEMATES
Ember: I think we're gonna need new furniture.
Ember: Maybe I'll try breaking it.
Richard: Hey, are you playable right now? Gotta get my face in front.
Ember: We're not doing your storyline now! We're doing the witch one.
Richard: Which one?
Ember: You can come over, but you might get murdered.
They call that a reality subtext.
This one's for all your pregnant vampire fetishists.
All of you.
Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: I OPEN
Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: AND EXPEL
Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: I GIVE THE GIFT OF BAD MUSIC
Ember: Yeah, an eldritch abagination just gave me a karaoke booth.
Richard: You're so hot when you're nonsense.
Richard: And also at all other times.
Here's a sign I'm behind: I honestly have no recollection of Richard becoming a vampire.
Richard: Oh, hey, the magic bag was here!
Ember: ♪ Vampiric is the state to be ♪
Richard: ♪ Blue-tinged is the face for me! ♪
Ember: ♪ Trapped sleeping in a dead-man box ♪
Richard: ♪ Keep karaoke, just gimme that Ember Fox ♪
Ember: ♪ Richard Flint is who I'd rather fuck!
Richard: ♪ I'm willing for a midnight suck! ♪
Ember: ♪ I'll take you to the edge of joy ♪
Richard: ♪ Fuck me gentle, I'm still a new vampire boy ♪
Ember: ♪ We swore! ♪
Richard: ♪ We're whores! ♪
You didn't finish the song.
Richard: No, but we were finished with it.
Richard: Hey, I've got an idea, fuck vampirism.
Richard: Is this the Fuck Vampirism Hotline?
Richard: Don't speak, we don't know your name.
Richard: Yeah, don't even open your mouth, it's fine.
Richard: So, will this… no, still not worth making him look you up.
Richard: Go away, this scene can't progress any further.
Richard: I got us not death!
Ember: It's what I've always wanted!
Ember: My whole life has been dedicated to not being dead!
Ember: Except that part where I was.
Richard: I'm glad you're past that part.
Ember: I'm glad you like my present parts.
Ember: My present participles.
Richard: Here's to swiggin' with blue sexy bigguns!
Richard: Watch my arm.
Ember: Did it break, or something?
Richard: I dunno! It's hard to tell when you break something, when you're dead.
Ember: …are you sure this stuff is legit?
Richard: No, I wouldn't let the gypsy talk, so.
Ember: That's RAAAA-AAAAA-AAAACIIIIIIST…!
Richard: You're RAAAAAAA-AAAAAA-CIIIIIIIST
Ember: Oh god, my leg, oh god, I can't look. Is it bad? It feels bad.
Ember: THIS FEELS WORSE
Ember: Ah, mortality!
Richard: It's what's for mortals!
Richard: Like us.
Ember: Love us.
Ye gods, you need a makeover.
Wait, I'm ye gods!
AGAIN WITH THE MOUTHS
You know what, fuck you guys.
I was gonna delete this pic, but at least she's staring at his bulge so that's funny.
Grugly2013: Dude, how many pics DID you delete?
Grugly2013: So how did we transition to THIS?!
YOU TELL ME
Ember: I think I have a more important announcement to make.
Ember: At MAXIMUM VOLUME
Richard: I love maximum volume!
Richard: You're yelling so hard, I'm hoarse.
Richard: As in, cut it out.
Ember: "CUT IT OUT" IS RIGHT
Richard: Why would a virtual world have painful pregnancy?
Ember: THREE YEAR LONG PAINFUL PREGNANCY
And here we have… uh…
Oh, neat! The heavens on high recognize the cosmic import of…
Ember: You don't know what-
I don't know what I called her, no.
Richard: You know she's a "she," at least!
Nope! That's just what popped into my head.
Richard: Are you proud of your baby?
Ember: Nope! It's just what popped out of my womb.
Ember: See? There's more where that one came from.
Ember: I'll name them if they make it to toddlerhood.
Yeah, that's a lovely pic, '13.
Grugly2013: It's specifically for your to tell the audience what their name is.
Yep! I can see that.
Richard: Well hey, maybe he'll open SimPE for you some day.
I can perhaps be persuaded.
Grugly2013: If you're not looking shit up, I'm gonna stop taking pics.
Richard: If you're gonna stop taking pics, we're gonna get up to some freaky shit.
Grugly2013: Or you could do it on camera?
Richard: Why do I feel like I'm the subject of an unfavourable comparison right now?
Although compared to what I'm doing right now, you're doing pretty well.
Richard: While the doing's good.
Richard: It's like being stalked by a sex monster.
Richard: Which is to say AWESOME
Richard: Even if it is a slow-motion sex monster.
Ember: Gotta pad the chapter out somehow!
Yeah, 'cuz I'm not behind enough as it is already.
I like how their boobs get bigger when they do this.
Richard: I like it too.
I meant it just as a general comment on how weird that is.
Richard: I did not.
Richard: I didn't think big tits were your thing, though, Ember.
Ember: Well I didn't think you were six feet tall!
Richard: Not thinking makes it not so.
Ember: Haha more like whelp.
Ember: What? It was a joke.
Richard: Jokin' hot.
Grugly2013: Alright, fuck these two.
It's fine, they'll fuck each other.
Next time: villains gonna vil.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 7 May 2013 to 8 May 2013.