Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Friday every week!
Pine Valley: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Interludes: I1, I2, I3.
Happy New Name!
Yeah, you read that correctly. There is no more Pine Valley Chronicles. Do not despair! Not that you were going to, but anyway.
The name's different but the shit is in the same pile. I just got sick of people asking me if I'd named my entire thing after the neighbourhood in motherfucking All My Children. No, I motherfucking didn't. But now it's fixed, and you can all fucking live with it.
So yeah! One hundred chapters! Sounds like a good place to go back and relive the good times we didn't have.
The following is a recap of the first hundred chapters of the Chronicles. You can click on each image to go to the chapter it refers to, if that's what floats your boat. I'll try to hit on the important points, and note when there... aren't any important points, which happens sometimes. Do give it a read if you've got the time, it should make a good primer and also it took about fifteen hours to do.
So there's that.
Ah, the good old days. When each chapter covered more than one year. These days they don't usually cover more than one day.
Remember these people? Of course you don't.
Bottom left: one of the only good pictures I took that year.
God, and all these Sims are still alive. I need more massacres.
Ellen DeGeneres figures I killed off Kyle because he was gay.
Sunburned sex is the best sex.
It wouldn't be until three years later that I realized I'd gotten Vicki's last name wrong. And given her an entire wrong family as a result.
Man, remember when cool shit like this happened?
Maybe it will happen again sometime.
You never see Teen!Cecilia throwing that axe, because there's no animation for it. They just look at you really sincerely, and then you die.
I just wanted to get rid of her 'cuz she was boring. Worked out real well, that.
Somebody clean all that shit off my fan.
I guess this was that part of my life where I'd decided that women were evil.
Even zombie university is boring to play, trust me.
I do miss those yellow zombies a bit.
I'll find a use for them some day.
I'm glad William eventually became tired of not being a character and decided to become the main character instead.
That fly gun never ceases to bust my gut.
Yo dawg I herd you like zombies.
I'd shoot somebody to bang Abigail too.
I never did find a way to make Victoria anything but achingly dull.
Sure are a lot of cocks in this story.
One of history's great love stories, up there with Schickelgruber and Eva Braun.
I swear Melanie started doing that of her own volition. She terrifies me.
Click the image for the first attempt, if you like alternate history. Click here for what actually happened.
Blood: hard to draw.
I heart Sullivan. I heart of darkness Sullivan.
I hear the guy who made those llamas killed himself and left an apologetic note behind.
I played Peter like he was William, except instead of shooting zombies he shot everything. And also he was boring.
Alvin is one of the game's great gifts to me.
I wish they'd made at least one more season of "Ghosts vs. Zombies."
I'd forgotten about Sullivan sex.
I'm going to try to forget about it again now.
I'd forgotten how hot she was under all that blue Maxis shit.
Next person who asks when the zombies are coming back, dies.
In my defense, I never really need to be good with lesbians. That's part of their charm!
Hello boring, my old friend.
I've come to yawn with you again.
Well these guys sure turned out to be not very much of a thing at all.
Fuck, that one was bad.
Read it today!
I'm not sure I was very consistent with the order you have to read the Post-Its in.
Because fuck you guys.
Out of context, these descriptions make about as little sense as they make in context.
There you go, dudes: shiny thing = dick in her face. Foolproof.
I'd say less than half of them are winners, really.
I'm pretty sure if you have to ask if it's racist...
I like that folded chapter thingy.
I'm so smart and cool.
Once you've accumulated as many insane people as I have, you can have a ball just getting them together in a crowd and watching.
I really did miss Vicki.
Mmm. Now I want chips.
I hate Lora.
Don't be such a sadsackademia!
That cow was stupid.
Any chapter that doesn't offend people isn't a very good chapter.
This one included.
I hate military pricks.
Yeah, this is getting kinda convoluted.
I dare you to start slipping "beardspawn" into normal conversations.
She's worth it.
Her ass is, anyway.
He is seriously still complaining about that burglar, like twenty years later.
At least we learned something. If nothing else.
But who loves mamba?
Alright, no: I dare you to start slipping "screamplops beardspawn" into normal conversations.
And then never have normal conversations ever again.
You dull, dull people.
By which I mean 3011.
I have played too far ahead.
I wish he didn't look like he was checking out his mom's tits.
Are those astronaut tits? Because your shirt is FUCK I DID IT WRONG
I have literally got hundreds of dead people now.
In the game, too.
Other than religious people, that is.
Yeah, Michael, cut it out. Nobody wants to see that.
God I hate that household.
Moving in townies: about as much fun as adopting cinderblocks.
Fuck, that haircut.
I wish there was a font command for upside-down.
To be clear, those are William's babies. I don't want any Peterlings scurrying about, shooting up the place.
I need a flowchart for this story.
Hell, I'd need more than one, and I'd need to coordinate them with a BIGGER flowchart.
Meh, too late.
Seriously the entire world is in love with her.
Because they should be.
I'd say something more, but apparently there isn't anything.
I still say you should be able to shoot burglars.
In the game, too.
It's not adultery when you're that hot. It's a public service.
A pubic service?
We need to repopulate in order to depopulate.
If anyone ever asks me to explain The Sims to them, I'm going to show them those pictures.
This just in: babies are boring.
Women Simmers everywhere shocked.
Story at never, because who cares?
Games are for wish fulfillment, right?
Did anyone actually believe I'd kill him?
Man, these things are magnificently ugly.
I need to find a reason to make a portmanteau of the word "portmanteau."
Is any of this even making sense anymore? I'm losing my mind here.
I bang my dumb boyfriend at night, so I can, so I can, pick grass out of my asscrack all day long.
Anyone have a dress like that in real life? I'll go on a date with you, if you do.
I've always wanted to wear one.
Fucking shithead wastes of time.
Come on, Deb. Dance into the fire.
It's a problem, and no mistake.
Surprise! Most of these people turn out to be evil.
Even the babies?
Especially the babies.
He died like he lived.
Gotta use up the last of this tape, we're almost done.
'sup g? Just 'stutin'.
And that face is fantastic.
It's okay, Clay. You'll die too eventually.
I was almost done, too. But I drank too much Coke.
Pretty damn awesome, won't lie.
Hey, you don't pay a damn thing for this, so of course my hundredth chapter had a gift for me in it.
I should have run the rest of the household over too, though.
So yeah! That's the past hundred chapters, in all their whateverthefuck glory. Hope you've enjoyed this little trip down melancholy lane. Next time: um. Well. It's Deborah being boring again, actually. And then some naked outdoor digging.
AND I'M SURE YOU'LL LOVE IT.
See you next Friday.
(Happy New Year.)