Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Friday every week, and sometimes on Tuesdays!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Pine Valley: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3.
I really ought to be getting something out of this.
I bet your significant others don't put out this regularly for you.
Melanie: So hot!
William: You know you like it.
Melanie: I do! That's why I set the thermostat so high.
William: You really know how to deflate a guy, Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard.
Melanie: Say that again, and I will. Through your dick.
Zombie Queen: I believe her.
William: So do I.
Neila: .oO(Help! Help! I'm being attacked by Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard!)
William: Have you been telling my kids about their mother's troubled past?
Mayhew: There are some things you're born knowing.
Apparently Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard is a genetic memory.
William: .oO(My kids must have really awkward feelings towards her, then, if they got that memory from me.)
Victor: .oO(It makes it easier to breastfeed from her, anyway.)
William: .oO(Great, my kid is gonna be into incest now.)
Mayhew: .oO(Well hello there, Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard!)
EVERYBODY STOP THINKING
Mayhew: Now that's a platform I can get behind!
Mayhew: .oO(I could also get behind Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard.)
William: So hey, you want the name-brand baby powder or the expensive stuff? Because I'm not wasting money on you if I don't have to, my mom would be furious.
Victor: .oO(Huh? What? I can't concentrate, this fucking virus won't get out of my head.)
Neighbourhood corruption, I get.
But this is just absurd.
Melanie: Much like William's ass!
William: Embrace the absurdity.
BUT NOT THIS ABSURDITY
Mayhew: Sure you don't want me to handle that?
William: He already has waking nightmares about my wife. I don't need you giving him night terrors.
Melanie: Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, we can drive to places where we should walk and use bottles for milk when tits are practically right next door!
William: Yeah, 'cuz who wants zombie milk.
Melanie: Am I ever gonna hear the end of this?
William: Maybe after they finalize the death toll.
William: .oO(Man, Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard sure takes things hard.)
Victor: .oO(Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard should just chill out.)
Mayhew: .oO(Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard is a stone-cold superfox.)
William: .oO(No arguments here!)
NO MORE TELEPATHY
A glamour shot for the ladies.
The ladies who are hot for chauvinists, that is.
Which is to say all of them.
Kelly: I should sue you for that.
You can't sue your maker.
Kelly: I know, I'm just making sure people remember that I'm a lawyer. For later.
Melanie: We need to talk about boundaries, Mayhew.
Mayhew: No, we need to talk about your diet. Uuuugh.
Mayhew: I hope you save a few extra scrubs for your ass.
Mayhew: Your fine, fine-
Melanie: That's good, thanks, bye.
Melanie: Suddenly the whole "prancing about naked" thing starts to look a bit ill-advised.
Melanie: I'm still hot with my clothes on.
You're hotter with your clothes on. I never liked your nude skin.
I never liked any of this, but it's been so much fun not liking it.
William: The bitches love it.
Melanie: I might need to invest in a burqa.
Melanie: And make him wear it over his eyes.
William: Yeah, I'll admit, she's got a nice bust. But you're mysterious, and that counts for a lot too.
"Cecilia": Is Melanie in the room right now?
William: Yeah, but she doesn't know we're talking about her.
William: She's too discombobulated by our butler leching all over her.
"Cecilia": And you're not bothered by that?
William: Why should I be? I could kill him at any time.
Melanie: That's my man!
Mayhew: FOR NOW.
I bet this is what a marriage between Churchill and Girl Hitler would look like.
Victor: .oO(Does it look like the ceiling? Because without object permanence, the ceiling is the only thing I understand right now.)
Amin: I'll teach this bitch to break into our house!
Gonna shoot up the place?
Amin: No, I'm gonna hold an invisible drinks tray angrily.
That'll show her.
Nobody cheated on you.
NOBODY CHEATED ON YOU.
William: EVERYBODY CHEATED ON ME. They're all mine.
Melanie: Any reason this one is on the floor?
Mayhew: They have names, you know. And that one's name is Mat.
Mayhew: This one's name is also Mat, but you only need one at a time.
Mayhew: Your bum tastes funny.
Mayhew: Like mother, like whatever gendered offspring you are!
William: Have you been doing something revolting?
Mayhew: Only by half. I am wearing gloves.
William: What are you doing in here?
Victor: .oO(CLEARLY I HAVE SOME SORT OF AGENCY IN ALL THIS)
Victor: .oO(I'm gonna get Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard to fuck him up.)
Melanie: Pfff. That's so last decade.
Melanie: We've both moved on! My sexy husband is an expert pool player now, so he doesn't have to shoot strangers to make a living any more!
William: But that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop!
William: God, don't even suggest that!
Melanie: Start with the butler.
I forget why.
Melanie: Our kids turned out fantastic!
William: Let's wait until their personalities form to make that appraisal.
William: I hope they get your assertiveness and my morals.
Melanie: Or my morals and your assertiveness!
William: No, because then I'll have to kill them.
You probably will anyway.
Melanie: Our kids will rule the world one day.
William: Assuming we don't destroy it first.
Melanie: Our horrific past makes me so horny.
William: That doesn't surprise me, even if my sunglasses make it look like it does.
Melanie: Can I have that one? I think he looks more interesting.
Melanie: Aww, look at his little face! He's so cute!
Neila: .oO(This is going in my biography of you.)
Melanie: Man, how about we just focus on that one and let this one fend for herself from now on?
Neila: .oO(This blows.)
Melanie: I bet Victor wouldn't make puns.
Victor: .oO(Piece of cake!)
William: Why are we stalling?
Melanie: Because we don't want to see what they end up looking like.
William: Yeah, this is gonna be a shitfest.
So let's just splatter them on the ceiling instead.
What, no dragon outfits or white tuxedos?
I call shenanigans.
They almost look human.
Actually, Neila just looks like a tiny girl William.
So she needs to die.
Victor: .oO(More food for me!)
Victor: .oO(Or sure, let's waste it all on the dead girl.)
Mayhew: Alright, grace period's over. Into the trash compactor.
Neila: .oO(Wait! WAIT! I thought you were gonna kill me!)
William: My wife looks stupid. You're fired.
Neila: .oO(You do look pretty stupid.)
I can't wait to see how stupid you're gonna look.
Oh, wait, I already know.
And it's not very interesting.
Victor: .oO(Wow! Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard, present at my very first shit! I can't wait to tell all my therapist!)
Melanie: You were thinking that thing again, weren't you.
Victor: .oO(I bet this is how Girl Hitler would feel.)
Melanie: BEAR. Bear.
Victor: OH MY GOD WHERE
Melanie: Mommy. Mommy.
Victor: Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard!
Melanie: Good enough.
Neila: .oO(My hair tastes like hair.)
Victor: .oO(My brains feel like OH GOD MY HAND IS IN MY HEAD)
William: My porn feels like tingling.
William: I really need to start cheating again.
Neila: .oO(I learned to teleport!)
I just didn't want to show how you got there.
Neila: .oO(Also I can talk to god!)
That's no big deal. The hard part is getting him to talk back to you, with a minimum of swearing.
Victor: WHY DOES SHE GET TO TELEPORT AND I DON'T
Neila: .oO(Maybe you do?)
Victor: STOP CUTTING SO MANY PICS
Melanie: If you can learn to teleport, you can damn well learn to shit.
William: Wow, Mayhew was right. There is something very wrong with whatever we're eating.
Melanie: At least it comes out okay!
Melanie: Once I was the Zombie Queen. Now I watch babies shit.
This is why you don't half destroy the world.
Melanie: I'll do better next time.
I dunno, you're definitely owning that whole "watching babies shit" thing.
William: WHERE DOES THIS SHIT GO
William: FINE FUCK IT THEN
Neila: .oO(Tastes like splinters!)
Zombie Queen: BAWK! Choke and croak! BAWK!
Blah blah blah Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard.
Amin: What the fuck is causing that, anyway?
Probably the reputation system.
Amin: No way? You mean people actually know that bitch?
I know, right?
And she's kept such a low profile all her life!
Melanie: Well come on!
Victor: YOU JUST WANT TO EAT MY BRAINS
Melanie: Don't be silly! We need to grow them first!
Melanie: That way at least one man in this house will have some.
William: I don't need brains. I've got money.
Melanie: Awesome, you can run now! The chase will be fair.
Victor: Mommy taught me how to flee!
Neila: .oO(IF ONLY SHE'D TAUGHT ME HOW TO RESPOND)
Victor: I think she hates you.
Melanie: It's more of an apathy thing.
William: Let me put my apathy thing into you, baby.
William: All this talk about your ass is making Captain Sparkles worried.
Melanie: At ease, Captain!
Victor: Did you hear that?
Neila: .oO(SPEAK NO EVIL HEAR NO EVIL)
Neila: .oO(Maybe they're making a new baby they'll like more than Victor, and we can at least be partners in unfavouritism.)
Victor: This must be what albino Godzilla feels like.
Victor: His limbs must be worth a fortune.
Neila: .oO(Does this look dirty to you?)
Victor: I'm glad I can't read your thoughts.
Neila: Me too.
Neila: Me too.
Victor: SHIT PARTY!
Neila: .oO(Shit YEAH!)
Neila: .oO(I'm glad we're so close.)
Victor: I could do with a little less closeness, honestly.
Mayhew: I'M STILL HERE AND THIS COUNTER IS FUCKED AND MY NECK IS BROKEN
William: Someone's stupiding downstairs.
Melanie: Why don't you go help them with it.
Victor: Oh god, it's back!
Mayhew: Bet I could hoof you through that wall.
William: ...wait a minute. I've never won any awards!
William: Which is its own entire kind of bullshit!
William: Oh, right, this was Sunny's. Hahaha! Dead people.
Melanie: She had it coming.
William: Come on over! She's still in bed.
"Cecilia": I'm not coming over unless you build a goddamn underground bunker. Your wife is terrifying.
William: I HAVE AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER NOW COME CHEAT WITH ME
"Cecilia": I just can't resist a good underground bunker!
You really want people to see you kissing someone they think is your sister?
William: It lowers their expectations from me without the ickiness of actually kissing her. So, yeah, don't see a lot of drawbacks here.
William: If we're gonna knock boots I'd at least like to know who you are. So I don't have to scream out my sister's name. Although I might do that anyway. I had a weird childhood.
"Cecilia": Let's just say I'm someone you know.
"Cecilia": Someone dead you know.
William: That's, like, everybody.
"Cecilia": Well, I'm not everybody.
"Cecilia": Are you sure your wife's still in bed? I just got these brains back, I'd like to keep them for a while.
William: Somebody brought you back. Was it Peter? You used to live with Peter.
"Cecilia": Yeah, it was Peter.
William: Oh god, you're not a transgendered version of his brother, are you?!
"Cecilia": Thanks for that image. Guess I won't be sleeping tonight. Or eating, ever again.
"Cecilia": Look dude, this isn't twelfth level alchemy. You could figure it out if you really wanted to.
William: You're a dead person who knew my dad. Ugh... you could be my mom. And with that possibility established, nope, pretty sure I don't really want to figure it out.
Melanie: YES! He's fucked off somewhere.
William: Fuck it, let's just screw.
Let's just screw off!
Next time: oh, you'll see.
Don't miss it.
See you on Tuesday!