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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 115

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates on Friday every week, and sometimes on Tuesdays!

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!

Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3, April Fools' Day 2014 (Comparison).
Recaps: 1.

Turns out waiting at the dentist for like five hours really helps you catch up on your work.

If you can call this work.

And you can.

Richard: .oO(When I learn to talk, I'm calling the Social Worker.)

Kendra: Don't know what his problem is, I'm providing for him like fuck!

Kendra: With fucking. Hey Andrew! Wanna come over? For fucking?

Kendra: I thought you might.

Andrew: Ever since Cameron got Kendra's haircut I've fantasized that I'm fucking a shapeshifter.

That hasn't happened yet.

Andrew: A time-travelling shapeshifter.


Andrew: Thank god we're not swingers, though. This way I'm cheating on my wife, but I don't have to explain my stupid fetishes to her.

Kendra: One of the police chiefs got his ass kicked.

Kendra: By a greaser.

Andrew: What's that got to do with pushing me down the stairs?

Kendra: Sorry, I forgot. That's the police chief's fetish.

Andrew: Yeah, mine's a much more healthy one. Adultery.

Andrew: But sex in a tiny money forest is growing on me.

You almost can't see the vagina for the reified metaphors.

Cheryl: Nobody knows what that word means.

Well they can look it up then.

I like how they always stare at it first, like they're trying to imagine it tastes like something that is not a penis before they stick it in there.

Kendra: It never really works.

Andrew: It works for me, though. And the customer is always right.

Andrew: Yay! I got 3angrydivorce0 Aspiration Points!

Kendra: You can get your own sad money garden with that!

It's a real shame she'll never be voted Entrepreneur of the Year.

Kendra: Nobody gives me credit for my single motherhood either, for some reason.

Andrew: How's Richard doing?
Kendra: Who cares?

Kendra: I just did Andrew! Are you gonna let your son be cooler than you?!

Stephen: Like that could happen.

Kendra: My hatred for Michael is so strong, I wish it could pay me for sex.

Kendra: Or at least help me scrub my shower wall.

What're you doing?

Stephen: No sex materialized, so I figure I must be the gardener now.

Kendra: You wanna back the fuck off my money, honey?

Stephen: I'm amazed you find the time to take good care of your kid with all this fucking, Kendra.
Kendra: Oh, it's very simple actually. I don't.

Stephen: Child abuse is hot.

Stephen: We have so much in common now! Ask my eight children, six of whom are dead.

Kendra: One of them got eaten by a zombie, right?
Stephen: Four of them did, actually. And then all four got mysteriously axed to pieces.

Kendra: That's a hell of a leg-opener, I've gotta say.

Oddly enough, only Stephen's kisses ever look like kisses.

Everyone else tries to suck the pores off people's cheeks.

Kendra: I would not at all prefer that.

Kendra: Your muscles are so tight! Let me relieve some of that tension for you.

Stephen: I know a better way to do that.

Stephen: We're not bothering the kid, are we?
Kendra: He's asleep.
Richard: .oO(I'm trying to die, actually.)

Kendra: Did you just try to impregnate me?
Stephen: We Murphys have large broods, because few younglings grow to maturity.

Kendra: You're lucky you're the only non-poresucker in town, Stephen.


Kendra: Hi, is this Poppy Whittaker? I hear you're a lesbian!
Poppy: I'm married to Michael Whittaker now.
Kendra: He's basically a woman. A big floppy vagina of a woman AND I HATE HIM SO MUCH. Come over here and have sex with me so I can get my female rage erection on.

Poppy: That kind of absurd wordplay deserves some kind of reward.

Poppy: And I deserve a hot black chick kind of reward!

Kendra: Hey, your sister is that movie star, right?
Poppy: TV, actually!
Kendra: Oh, never mind then. I thought she was someone important.

Kendra: I want to do mind-blowing things to you for revenge.
Poppy: I can't be out late, Michael needs me to change his pectoral wax every four hours.

Poppy: Speaking of which, what do you use on that ass?

Kendra: I slap it with crotches. During sex.
Poppy: I don't think Michael would like that.

Kendra: Go to a biker bar, pick up some dudes, bring them home, try it out. But make it a surprise. Maybe a birthday present. He likes things like that.

Poppy: You're so evil! You remind me of Daisy.

Poppy: Just the other year, this bitch got all mad because I cheated on her with another gender.
Kendra: Bitches! We crazy.

Poppy: Crazy hot.

Kendra: Last time I did this, we cut immediately to sex.

Poppy: I'm more of a segue kind of gal.

Poppy: And also I'm just here as a favour to the Maker. He wants a bunch of excuses to look at your ass.

I almost feel like that ass is its own excuse.

Every man's fantasy! Apparently.

Admittedly, usually both women are supposed to be attractive.

Poppy: You gonna let him talk to you like that, Kendra?

Stephen: Here, have these nearly dead things.

Poppy: Speaking of which, that sure is a baby on burlap.

Kendra: Child abuse is popular! Everyone loves Bing Crosby.


Kendra: That did seem like a complicated way of signifying a kiss.


I can see why your sister got that nosejob now.

Kendra: Yeah, we need some hot lesbians around here. How did you get that so wrong?

Poppy: I choose to believe I looked better before the car crash.

Hahaha, yeah. You were, like, a totally different person.

Your life might be shit, but the view sure is nice.

Kendra: I'm like Robert Pattinson!

Kendra: Only he probably doesn't get excited by a hundred bucks.

Kendra: People need to stop talking shit about my parenting skills. I'm building a better life for my son!

Yeah? Because it looks to me like you're building him a bed covered in dirt.

Ohhh. I get it. You're making a baby shower.


Kendra: It did get him pretty clean, though. Once the pressure knocked him out and he stopped resisting me.

Kendra: Hey! You're ugly, you must be gay.

Brandi Bransfield: IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE

Kendra: Victor Cwik is a stupid dick!

Some people really do not like cops.

Brandi: No, I just really like limericks.

Brandi: And also vaginas.


What are we even doing? Thank god this is just a Tuesday.

Roger: Hi Brandi! Are you a ho now?
Brandi: I was a client here, thank you very much.

Craig: In my dreams.

Kendra: We could make those dreams a reality!
Craig: Unfortunately, in my dreams I can afford it.

Kendra: You're impotent, right? My schedule's free today, I'm looking for a challenge.

Jessie: I like a woman who's turned on my erectile dysfunction. By neccessity.

Kendra: Take me, Jessie! And then I'll take your money.

Jessie: Who says romance is dead? It just got practical.

And then I got bored and stopped taking pictures.

Surprised it took that long, really.

Next time: a whole new university!

It's actually pretty awesome.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 29th, 2014 10:41 am (UTC)
Bahaha, Stephen's mouth must be in the exact right place for the animation. It's weird that they didn't think of that when they coded how the face structure works.
Apr. 29th, 2014 05:42 pm (UTC)
Yep. Very few people in my game can kiss well.

It's very realistic in that regard.
Apr. 30th, 2014 10:01 am (UTC)
It may say something about my brain but I am really starting to like Kendra episodes.
Cheap black whores, dodgy puns and gratuitous arse shots FTW !
May. 1st, 2014 05:28 pm (UTC)
How do you manage to make me sound so awful?
May. 2nd, 2014 07:25 am (UTC)
Apr. 30th, 2014 04:20 pm (UTC)
You almost can't see the vagina for the reified metaphors.

I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS -- it's something that's come up a lot in the Science of Discworld series! For those curious, it's when you make a concept or metaphor "real" in some sense. For example, being a hooker = having sex surrounded by glowing money trees. . . .It's not perfect, but it works.

Kendra episodes -- where fucking people and being a lousy mother makes good filler.

Your mail carrier seems terribly behind the times when it comes to how vaginas work.

Stephen, seriously -- more kids? Look at the ones you had. See how well all that worked out. So far only ONE is anything you could call successful.
May. 1st, 2014 05:30 pm (UTC)
Well done. Except I was really going for "money tree" as the concept being reified. Into actual money trees. Y'know.

Most episodes have that in some form...

If he were a real person he might have some experience with them. As it is he probably dies ignominiously at some later date.

1/8 ain't... execrable.
May. 2nd, 2014 01:55 am (UTC)
Oh. . .I think I like my interpretation better. :P

Yes, but Kendra episodes are pretty much just that. The other characters manage to fit in some other business around the fucking and the failing at parenting.

Most of your NPCs do, if they don't manage to steal the show.

Well, if we look at it as children who've survived, it goes up to a whole 1/4!
May. 3rd, 2014 12:11 am (UTC)
Usually I like yours better too. Not this time! Law of averages I guess.

Honestly, writing a Kendra update is about as much fun as doing dishes.

Some manage to steal the show and die ignominiously! More than once even.

So far.
May. 4th, 2014 01:52 pm (UTC)

Still, it should at least be easy to whack out one and then get back to the real work. (I thought about rephrasing that, but -- Kendra chapter.)

This is true! XD

May. 10th, 2014 05:10 am (UTC)
I forgot to say on that last chapter, YAY LUCAS APPEARED IF ONLY IN A GOSSIPY THOUGHT BUBBLE BUT YAY. Thank you.

Noses never look good in silhouette view, it seems! So it's not just me :)

Surely Kendra can afford to buy that poor kid a crib -- that IS child abuse (for the sake of plot, I'm sure, but it still counts! Where is that social worker...)!
May. 16th, 2014 03:16 am (UTC)

My only complaint about Gillian Anderson.

Pff. The only child abuse in this game is those childs abusing me with their problems.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )