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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 131


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1.

Okay, so I just did a week in a row. How about a week and a day?

The Clover County Chronicles now updates three days a week: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

This sentence is here to make the intro seem longer so you'll stop reading after noting the new update schedule, you lazy buggers.

Newcastles = new year. How conveniently memorable!




Find your muse yet?

Jerome: What's that about Chelsea's cat?



Debbie: Are you sure you want that? It might be for someone more important.



Penny: Repeat after me, Shiloh: nobody is more important than me.
Debbie: You think lying to kids is funny?



Penny: Repeat after me: we don't know how the maid ended up eaten by the dog.
Debbie: Like you'd need an alibi, you cops are all so tight.



Penny: She still needs to learn how to lie well if she's ever gonna get a date.



Shiloh: Mommy cheating.
Debbie: You might need to speed up that dishonesty lesson.



Penny: Sounds like it. Now, Shiloh, say daddy has a big penis.



Debbie: I think we should leave that for the advanced standing students.



Abigail: I thought I was gonna see a dog eat somebody.

You were, but from a really unfortunate angle.



I wish dogs had greyscale thought balloons.



To go with their black-and-white morality.

Chief: .oO(ENEMY)



Penny: Now remember, honey. There's only two kinds of walking: towards someone while saying something smooth, and away from them while saying something cutting.



Penny: The trick is to stick around just long enough for them to feel inferior, but not long enough for them to get homicidal.



Jerome: That's one reason why she shouldn't have married me.



If this kind of thing ever excites me, I hope I have a heart attack and die.



Shiloh: I find it kind of moving, myself.



Penny: BABY'S FIRST POOP JOKE



Penny: Which reminds me.



Shadow: .oO(You're making jokes about the other cat? Time was you'd make jokes about me.)

Time was people would remember you exist.

It was a very brief time, somewhere around Chapter Nine.



Shiloh: I'M NOT A GODDAMN MIRACLE WORKER



Nor is your daddy.



I wish I got some sort of points for figuring that out.

All I got instead was a higher chair to shit in.



Penny: And walking just means you have to start fetching things for your lazy-ass parents.

THINGS THAT WERE NEVER IN THE ROOM THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE IN.



Penny: Oh, they knew. They were just getting their money's worth out of you.

Power to them.



Penny: Hey Andy, it's me. Your stupid wife there?



Penny: Maybe we could contrive an accident for both of our spouses. Like, say, they both die in a tragic accident creating a new SeaWorld exhibit.



Andrew: I like Cameron. You should just dump Jerome and become my mistress.
Penny: I feel a "fuck you" coming on. Did you have more to add, or should I squeeze it out with what you already gave me?



Penny: But seriously, I need some sex I can notice. ASAP.



Chief: .oO(WE DON'T WANT NO SPACEMEN HERE)



Penny: Why do you stay with her, anyway? She got, like, your entire university killed by zombies. The magic can't still be there.
Andrew: Sure, sure. Women can like bad dudes, but men can't like race traitors?



Shiloh: NO MORE PHONE CRAP



Penny: Next time Jerome leaves the house, you'd better be over here on the double.
Andrew: Did I mention I can teleport?
Penny: Let me know before you do, though. I've seen "The Fly."



Shiloh: NO MORE PHONE CRAP!



Jerome: Who were you talking to earlier?
Penny: The ghost of my affection for you.



Shiloh: No more phone crap!



Jerome: I can't tell if you're just being mean to me like you were when we dated, or if you actually want a divorce.
Penny: Uncertainty is the spice of romance.



Jerome: It also makes me cry myself to sleep at night.



Jerome: My pillow never fully dries out anymore.



Jerome: And it smells like the ocean.



Penny: That might be from the time I used his pillowcase to clean up after Andrew, actually. We ran out of Kleenex.



Jerome: How does this thing work?

It turns your success into milk.

Jerome: Sounds legit.



Jerome: Apparently my kind of success makes death milk.

Nah. It just uses failure when it can't get pure success.



Jerome: Playing with your boat? Where are you cruising to?
Shiloh: Ain't no to. Just cruisin, bitch!



Jerome: I really need to watch you two more closely when you interact.



You can paint Shiloh from memory?

Jerome: I just picture the girl from "The Ring" as a baby.



Jerome: Maybe if I get lucky she'll kill us all.



Chief: .oO(There's nobody to threaten at night.)



Shiloh: .oO(I thought that was what daddy was for.)



It would be cuter if I cared.



Jerome: There's got to be something for an aspiring architect to do.

We could go to the beach and make sand castles.



Shiloh: Your breath is stinky like my poo!



Shiloh: And my breath.



Jerome: Apparently there's a lot in Hobbytown where you can draw up blueprints.

You could design your own tomb!

That might occupy the time left until you'll need it.



Jerome: Hey! Sharpe Oil is having a contest to design a new corporate monument!

You're not even a real architect.

Jerome: They're not even a real company. They're in the "pretend to build harbours for the tax breaks" business.

William's mom was a corporate genius.



Chief: .oO(You're leaving? Guess it's scare-the-womrats time.)



Jerome: If I win this competition, maybe Penny will respect me!

May all your teen movie plots come true.



Penny: Where's he going? He knows I can't sleep without mocking his genitals first.



Penny: -sigh- Guess I'll call Andrew instead. Adultery is the next best thing to warm milk.



I try not to visit the hobby lots.

That's where they keep the Alvins.



Prof. Sinjin Tang: I'm in the wrong neighbourhood, aren't I.

I've seen babies show up on the sidewalks recently.

All bets are off.



Caryl Charvat: Autumn is my favourite season.

Oh, it's not autumn yet.

There was just an incident at the science hobby lot.



Jerome: So that's why everything to the north is glowing.

You might want to protect your gonads.



I didn't know you could be a Doctor of Ventriloquism.



Prof. Rebecca Go: You can't. He's a Doctor of Senility.
Prof. Sinjin: WHERE'S MY COFFEE, GLADYS



Prof. Sinjin: IF I CATCH THE CHOLERA BECAUSE YOU MADE ME DRINK WELL WATER, I'LL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOUR BOARDING HOUSE.



Prof. Sinjin: I DON'T MUCH CARE FOR GABLE, BUT O'HARA'S GOT IT GOIN' ON.
Jerome: Is that the movie where all the privileged white people catch fire? I've always wanted to see it.



Prof. Sinjin: THE CURSED SIMBRITISH HAVE BURNED THE WHITE HOUSE!
Jerome: Man, even crazy history sucks.



Prof. Sinjin: I DO A GREAT IMPRESSION OF JAMES GARFIELD



Caryl: Oh no! A black man at night!



Jerome: Oh yes! A black woman at... night.

Well done.

Jerome: NOT EVERYTHING WORKS WHEN YOU REVERSE IT.



Jerome: But I'd like to work her in reverse!
Prof. Rebecca: You must be an architect. You don't sound like you talk to a lot of women.



Jerome: I'm Jerome Newcastle! You've probably never heard of me, but I'm going to be famous soon.
Prof. Rebecca: Not if my pepper spray has anything to say about it, creep.



Jerome: You've got the wrong idea! I just want to talk to you.
Prof. Rebecca: Oh! You're not a rapist, you're just impotent.



Jerome: A little bit, but I don't see how that's relevant.



Prof. Rebecca: What are you designing?
Jerome: They're building a big soulless corporate trademark downtown. I want to get paid for designing it.
Prof. Rebecca: I always thought "artist" sounded better without that "starving" nonsense attached.



Jerome: The best thing about being a fictional architect is you can rip off anybody.



Prof. Rebecca: Oh god, there's no escape.



Prof. Sinjin: He just wants to watch you.



Jerome: I'm making an observation tower.

So everyone can admire my beautiful city!

Jerome: I was thinking so they could spit on each other from really high up.



Jerome: Man, you are gonna have so much trouble using the in-game camera up there!

Years worth of it, no doubt.



Jerome: This is gonna be a great addition to the skyline.

And unlike the rest of the skyline, it'll actually be real.



Jerome: It should have a clock on it. Should it be analogue or digital?

An analogue one will actually show the correct time. I won't have to change the display in post-production that way.

Jerome: Digital it is!



Prof. Sinjin: SMOKEY BEARINSON, I PRESENT TO YOU FRANK LLOYD BLACK.



Prof. Sinjin: I'm out of material. Talk amongst yourselves for a bit.



Jerome: I wonder if anyone else is even entering this competition.
Prof. Sinjin: WHEN DID THEY MAKE IT LEGAL FOR NEGROES TO COMPETE
Jerome: Are you even talking through the bear?
Prof. Sinjin: He's a confidence prop.



I bet this is how real architects work.

They draw messy lines all over the place and then connect them until something concrete emerges.

Jerome: This is gonna be steel, not concrete.



Prof. Sinjin: THIS IS NOT GETTING OLD



Prof. Rebecca: Have you been harassing this dude all night, Prof. Sinjin?
Prof. Sinjin: It's easier because the cops won't help him.



Jerome: You know, my wife is a cop.
Prof. Rebecca: Oh. You're married?
Jerome: That's what I keep telling her, anyway.



Prof. Sinjin: So when you're done, which line do you tug?
Jerome: Pardon?
Prof. Sinjin: Which line do you tug to get it out of the paper and into the real world?
Jerome: ...I was thinking we'd just build it. Like, out of materials.
Prof. Sinjin: How magical!



Looking good!

Jerome: It's based on a Canadian building.

I think you mean SimCanadian.

Jerome: No, real Canadian. That way nobody will recognize it.



Caryl: The torch has been passed.



Jerome: If I don't believe in you, you're not real.



Smokey Bearinson: Unfortunately, we are.



Jerome: Holy shit, I've been making buildings all night.

Ah, the summer of 2011. How you made me despise Build Mode.



Jerome: I think I'm hallucinating.

Why? Can you suddenly feel your penis?



Jerome: This building's about to get a whole lot goofier.



Jerome: Maybe I'll make it a ten-storey outdoor homeless shelter.



Jerome: Maybe I'll redesign it to look like a giant bed.



Jerome: This place is so inspiring! Or I'm losing my mind.



Jerome: Or both.



Jerome: Coffee ads are bullshit.



Prof. Rebecca: Won't your wife be looking for you?
Jerome: Probably not, she'd be afraid of finding me.



Prof. Rebecca: She sounds like a bitch. Have you considered not being married to her?
Jerome: Nobody else will sleep with me.



Jerome: And sleep is suddenly very important to me.



Jerome: And you're pretty hot.
Rebecca: And you're crazy hot!



Jerome: I wonder if any of this is real.
Smokey: I'm pretty sure you aren't.



I got you a bed.

Jerome: I will give you my soul.



I think you've already sold it to caffeine.



Jerome: This must be what it's like to be a real artist. Working in a frenzy, living life on the edge, having brief romantic dalliances...

Talking to stuffed animals...

Jerome: Sleeping in random beds, pushing the envelope, wearing private clothes in publc...

Replacing your bloodstream with coffee...



Jerome: Let's do this bitch.



Smokey: They're all out there. They're all out there to get you.



Caryl: ...is there a hobo sleeping in here?
Jerome: I'm awake right now.



Caryl: It's beautiful!
Jerome: Yeah! I think it's done!
Caryl: I'm talking about this painting, not whatever shit you're scribbling over there.



Jerome: I've never felt so alive.

You've also never done anything with your life.

Jerome: Who knew it was a thing?!



Jerome: Life's too short to hang around and get your dick made fun of.



Jerome: I have something to tell you.
Prof. Rebecca: Someone stole your clothes?



Jerome: I think you're really swell.
Prof. Rebecca: Have you been getting romantic advice from Prof. Sinjin?



Prof. Sinjin: I told him to just buy you.
Jerome: He thinks black people are still slaves.
Prof. Rebecca: No, he thinks literally everyone is a slave. It's what happens when you stay in academia too long.



Jerome: Do you wanna come look at my blueprint?
Prof. Rebecca: Only if that's an extraordinarily obtuse metaphor for something else.



Jerome: I can't show you that.
Prof. Rebecca: Why not?
Jerome: Because I want you to respect me.



Prof. Rebecca: If you don't love your body, Jerome, I can't love you.
Jerome: But nobody loves my body!



Jerome: If penises were missiles, mine would be inter-county-nental.



Jerome: We could just tickle and talk about our feelings!
Prof. Rebecca: I might as well be gay, then!



Jerome: Well, with that haircut...
Prof. Rebecca: Please, keep digging that grave.



Jerome: I know lots of exciting cat gossip.



Prof. Rebecca: THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING



Jerome: I have a feeling we're going to get very close, Rebecca.
Prof. Rebecca: That's Prof. Rebecca.



Prof. Rebecca: Nobody's too close for titles.



Jerome: I understand. Sometimes my wife makes me use her maiden name.



Jerome: Your muscles feel so tense and worn-out!
Prof. Rebecca: I think those are your muscles.
Jerome: Is this real life?



Prof. Sinjin: Smokey! I thought you quit!



Jerome: So, are you seeing anybody?
Prof. Rebecca: Only people who are actually there. Can you say the same?



Prof. Rebecca: 'cuz I think you're trippin' balls.



Jerome: Go out with me!
Prof. Rebecca: Give me a call when your brain chemistry settles down.



Jerome: But I might not still be horny then.



Jerome: It's a legitimate problem at my age!



Jerome: I'm still proud of some of what I did today.



Prof. Rebecca: I'm not sure it's a good idea to steal a policewoman's husband.



Jerome: I'm not sure if it's a good idea to be a policewoman's husband.

Especially not if you're cheating on her.



Jerome: Well, here goes nothing!

Who judges the competition?

Jerome: William Sharpe. He's apparently the majority shareholder.

I guess his mom left him those shares.

Jerome: No, he won them in a cockfight.



Jerome: I hear he brought his own cock.



Jerome: The very idea terrifies me.



Penny: Where have you been?
Jerome: Not flirting with other women!
Penny: That much is obvious.



Penny: STOP BURNING MY PADLOCKS DOG
Chief: .oO(WHY DON'T YOU MAKE ME)



Jerome: I'm starting to wonder if there's no jobs in architecture because there haven't been any new buildings in, like, decades.

What a silly thought.



Chief: .oO(The revolution starts now!)



Penny: Marxism has been thoroughly discredited!



Jerome: I got a job.

In architecture?!

Jerome: As a construction worker! So, sort of! Yeah! Let's say yeah.



Chief: .oO(SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUM)



I don't blame you.





Since Jerome failed to provide us with anything sexy for this chapter.



Penny: That sure does sound like him.



I thought you got a job as a construction worker!

Jerome: I lied.

WHO WOULD LIE ABOUT GETTING A JOB AS A CONSTRUCTION WORKER

At least, who would lie and say they did?



Penny: Daddy's stuck in a dead-end, Shiloh. But we're better than that.



Penny: Now stay in this room all day.



Chief: .oO(Are you gonna take that shit?!)



Shiloh: Yes.

Next time: lesbians again, apparently.

Is that my thing now?

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
foulmouthtom
May. 24th, 2015 02:04 am (UTC)
You made me google antibenzalkonic you bastard ... and the only entry was this page ....
gruglysims
May. 24th, 2015 05:50 pm (UTC)
That does sound like me.
lumy12
Oct. 9th, 2015 05:49 am (UTC)
Okay, so, I'm never gonna catch up unless I just read and pick like one favorite part to comment on. When I eventually catch up I can go back to decent commenting.

This chapter's pick:

Jerome: I think I'm hallucinating.

Why? Can you suddenly feel your penis?


So mean! But I laughed! Poor Jerome, he can come over here with his little weewee and I'll give him some lovin'!

OH, one more comment - SHADOWWWW! I hope you never kill off that cat! Keep resurrecting him or have him eat the kibble of life and all that.
gruglysims
Dec. 11th, 2015 08:46 pm (UTC)
You want Jerome, you can have him.

Hmm... about that.
lumy12
Dec. 13th, 2015 04:32 pm (UTC)
Shadow's gonna die??? Hopefully someone resurrects him right after. ...yeah?
gruglysims
Feb. 13th, 2016 07:21 pm (UTC)
I knew there had to be someone who was more concerned about the counter-sitting parasites than the actual Sims.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )