Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Pine Valley: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
One hundred and fifty! Isn't as big a deal as one hundred.
No. No toddlers. Let's do something more risqué today.
LESS RISQUÉ. LESS RISQUÉ.
Veronica: .oO(Hey, you're back!)
I've been scared straight.
Poppy: Stop watching me crap or I'll scare you gay.
Brooke: Can that actually happen?
I dunno. Are you gay?
Well, you've seen a lot of scary shit on your route, so I'm guessing no.
Poppy: I love the way that ring looks on your finger.
Michael: That's sweet.
Poppy: I love the way that brush looks in your mouth.
Michael: Thrts crrpy.
Poppy: Porkchops for breakfast, huh? Livin' the dream.
Kent: No, I was making your kid her favourite porkchop milk bottle.
Poppy: It definitely goes right through her.
Poppy: THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE
Poppy: THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE!
Michael: I thought you were done with the whole gay thing.
Raising kids could turn anyone against the heteronormative ideal.
Michael: Did we lose the thrill, or was it actually never here?
Kent: I didn't think you knew my nickname.
Michael: I want a nickname. I'm thinking "the bomb."
Poppy: Why? Because you want someone to set you up?
Michael: Look up "Zero Wing" for me, I didn't get that reference.
Kent: THIS ISN'T MACADAM
Michael: I was about to complain about the anachronism joke, and then I saw my car.
If you're really keen on avoiding anachronism jokes, swerve sharply to the right.
Michael: God told me to run you over and I didn't.
Ms. Crumplebottom: YOU DO WHAT GOD TELLS YOU YOUNG MAN
Watching her knit, you almost imagine she'd be a demon in the sack.
Michael: I most certainly do not.
Michael: Yeah, come on over! You'd be great for business! Hot ladies and books go together like hot ladies and books!
Abigail: I'd argue, but my thought balloons don't lie.
Michael: Neither do mine.
Abigail: So I've been demoted to extra?
Hell no. It's more like Michael has, and can't sustain a chapter on his own.
Abigail: I can dig it.
Michael: Brilliant scientist and world saviour Abigail Young! Sell this man a book.
Abigail: I thought you invited me here to gawk, not to take advantage of my intellect. I can do that on my own.
Abigail: It's beautiful out! Today is a day for love!
Michael: Well, I'd love it if you could explain what that guy behind you is doing.
Jack: MOTIVATED TO BUY BOOKS BY TITS
Abigail: I guess I can't fault your business logic.
Cameron: Hey, buddy! Need more motivation?
Abigail: Oh, while I'm here - I'm writing a book of my own about awesome science stuff, could I sell it here when it's done?
Michael: Some of our customers don't approve of science.
Michael: Get out, poor person.
Deborah: I thought we had chemistry.
Michael: Go talk chemistry with the scientist.
Michael: And get to the back of the line, I like this dude better.
Michael: I treat my friends like I treat everyone else.
Deborah: Yeah, like crap.
Deborah: Just like Lucas! ☆
Abigail: You're not one of those mouth-breathing jump-ropers, really, are you?
Cory: I'm under cover.
Abigail: Under my covers, more like. ROWR!
Cameron: Somebody bought the entire shelf?
Michael: I'm the local IKEA distributor too.
Jay: I dunno, this place doesn't seem very UNBORING.
That might be about to change.
Kendra: Now now. Michael and I are best buds!
He divorced and blacklisted you. Now you're a prostitute because of him.
Kendra: Water under the bridge!
Michael: Mee-oww! I'd pay to hit that!
Kendra: Sometimes the water washes out the bridge, though.
Michael: What kind of book are you looking for?
Kendra: Got any about a selfish prick who ruins a woman's life just because she doesn't love him?
Cameron: Wait for it...
Kendra: Fifty Shades of Grey. Walked right into that one.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: BLEH!
Veronica: BOOK VAMPIRES!
Veronica: Bad bookstore! I hate book vampires!
Michael: If you don't hang around in here, I give you permission to suck my customers dry after they leave.
Contessa Lucy: Can I keep their books?
Michael: Whatever, they'll be paid for.
Cheryl: Oh god no, this is the plot to "You've Got Mail!"
And this is the plot to "You've Got Nope."
Going home already?
Michael: When someone compares you to Tom Hanks, your day has peaked.
Why so down, guys?
Poppy and Kent: Michael's coming home.
Michael: Michael is home!
Poppy: And Poppy is leaving.
Poppy: As soon as she remembers how to hold this thing.
Poppy: Hey Dr. Young! I thought we might check out that science building they named after you at the new university! Fuck around a bit there, you know what I mean.
Michael: It had better not be literal.
Poppy: I can hear you thinking about it.
Poppy: Hopefully he can't hear me thinking about it.
Here we see the elusive establishing shot out of its natural environment - in my journal.
Poppy: You excited?
Abigail: Yeah, university science, woo! What kind of toothpaste are they testing today?
Abigail: Hey, hands off! You want me to bump my head on the taxi?
Poppy: I dunno, would a concussion make you less of a stiff?
Abigail: My skull is titanium-reinforced. If I've got a concussion, the rest of you are dead.
Abigail: You're picturing your husband dead, aren't you.
Poppy: IT'S HILARIOUS
Poppy: He hates all my girlfriends for some reason?
Abigail: Literal girlfriends?
Poppy: Yeah! What's wrong with that?
Poppy: He even hates the dead ones.
Abigail: I refuse to follow up on that.
Abigail: Hey, the secret fuckin' shelf! I heard they were gonna include a secret fuckin' shelf.
Abigail: But for some reason you have to dance first to use it.
Alvin: NEEDS MORE SCIENCE
Abigail: Dammit! The secret part of "secret fuckin' shelf" is the most important part!
Poppy: Give the guy a break, he's an elderly townie with grease paint on. This is the closest to sex he's even gonna get.
Poppy: Things that are also close to sex: this view.
Poppy: And us, hopefully.
Abigail: I can't get turned on with Alvin that close.
Alvin: Physical maps! How cheesy.
Abigail: SPATIAL AWARENESS POPPY
Poppy: If I'm reading the tower right, it's kiss-me-already-o'clock.
Abigail: Why do you think almost killing me is sexy?
Poppy: You're just such a robot I keep thinking I need to get the adrenaline going!
Abigail: The adrenaline is going, alright.
Poppy: Look, Abigail, you're just the prettiest gay person I've ever seen.
Abigail: That sure would be flattering if I were gay.
Abigail: DON'T TRY TO KILL ME JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT GAY
Alvin: Don't credit robots! Robots aren't people!
Alvin: They are better than people.
Abigail: Oh Poppy, you thief of virtue!
Gordon: WHO'S A THIEF WHERE'S A THIEF I'M NOT A THIEF
Abigail: This is so enlightening! The chapter on homosexuality in my book is gonna be great.
Poppy: So you're just dating chicks for research.
Poppy: I'll still take it.
Poppy: Let me teach you about gay sports. We call this one identity juggling.
Poppy: And this dance is called "Facing Vaginas."
His constant approach would be creepy, if it wasn't Alvin.
Alvin has his own kind of creepy.
Emily: Man, those chairs! How are you supposed to bang the prof for extra credit on them?!
Alvin: Hey, don't I know you?
Kendra: We had sex.
Alvin: Duh! Everyone has.
Poppy: I guess I shouldn't be surprised you're not gay, what with you having eight kids and all.
Abigail: Everyone keeps telling me that, but I swear I can't remember it happening.
Poppy: Amnesia is hot.
It's just bad motherhood, really.
Poppy: Also hot.
Kendra: MORE LIKE TWO-OH-NONE!
Christ, do something more interesting already.
Poppy: Like what?
Abigail: I know just where to put it.
Abigail: Or not?
Poppy: We don't want to stereotype ourselves.
Abigail: This is a dangerous tactic for someone who kept almost pushing me off the roof.
Apparently life and death situations really do bring you closer.
Poppy: How are your teeth this clean?!
Abigail: My matter transporter has a "plaque" setting.
Poppy: You are a miracle of modern science, Abigail.
Abigail: Hardly. Modern science is a miracle of me.
Poppy: Wanna go make the students feel inadequate?
Kendra: It wasn't a date, Jessie. It was sex. You paid for it.
Jessie: DEFINITION OF A DATE
Apparently Abigail thinks Jessie is the definition of a date.
Luckily my definition is much more discerning.
Poppy: Wait, another memory is coming back to me! You know Randy Reiner?
Poppy: Yeah, that douchebag!
Poppy: I remember he lost a fight!
Abigail: Hardly memorable.
Poppy: He lost it to that cheerleader zombie! In a basement.
Abigail: Your suppressed memories are the entire neighbourhood's suppressed memories.
Abigail: I'm gonna find someone less weird to talk to. Hi! I'm Abigail. Are you weird?
Abigail: The Young Science Building is a pretty impressive monument!
Poppy: Don't get a big head.
Abigail: I've already got one! On the pillar over here, look!
Abigail: We should name more things after me.
Poppy: I've got an itch on my ass that needs naming.
Poppy: But if I writhe around in this corduroy it should go away.
Your dressed just ripped, Mrs. Sexypants.
Poppy: It's just clipping, you can fix it in post.
And lose this flop of a joke? Pff.
Jennifer: Oh no. You're not banging your head on my cab twice.
Abigail: Hi Poppy!
Poppy: Hi Abigail!
Another almost competent shot.
The person taking them is slowly evolving into me.
Except for this weird fascination with chicks making out that he seems to have.
Poppy: But would you fucking look at this chick.
Yeah, for, like, hours.
And I'm not ashamed either.
Abigail: Wait, wouldn't that make you a stalker?
What? I created you! You wouldn't exist without me. I'm your god.
Abigail: As long as you don't ask me to burn a goat to you, I guess we're square.
Or sacrifice your children!
Abigail: Enh, that one could go either way.
Michael: One of my senses is tingling, and it's not my money sense!
Abigail: This place needs some serious makeouts. It's like a crypt in here.
Michael: How about I put this redheaded bear in it?
Abigail: For colour, you mean. Not for makeouts.
Michael: Right, unless you and her have something to tell me.
Abigail: ...I think I might, actually.
I have no idea, so I threw it in.
Michael: Meet my daughter! Chicks love meeting daughters!
Veronica: .oO(Daughters, however...)
Abigail: Are you hitting on me?! I'm Best Friends with your wife!
Michael: See? We have so much in common!
Abigail: NO. I am not the woman who cheats. I am the woman who is cheated ON.
Michael: That came out wrong?
Abigail: But I have very strong views on this since my original husband flew off to motherfucking Twikii Island to bang our slatternly neighbour.
Michael: When was this, a thousand years ago? When we used words like "slatternly"?
Abigail: I hope he got crabs.
Michael: You don't know? Didn't you guys have more kids after that?
Abigail: Crab repellent.
Michael: What? But you-
Abigail: Crab repellent, all over my bed, all the time. Can't be too careful.
Abigail: But enough talk about crab repellent, it's one of my Turn-Ons.
Abigail: I work with a lot of chemicals, things go wrong sometimes.
Michael: Anyway, thanks for coming in today. You really boosted business, and I got some much-needed cash register practice.
Abigail: I've seen you with that thing, when the store's closed. Caressing its buttons and opening and closing its filthy little drawer. Like you need practice.
Abigail: Have you ever considered that you might be a robosexual?
Abigail: 'cuz you can afford a whole army of Abigail Young model Servos if you sell all your businesses and give me all your money.
Michael: Sorry lady, the money fairy's a myth, and I'm real.
Michael: I'm not sure you are, though.
Abigail: Oh god, you are hitting on me. Like you have a chance.
Michael: Why not? My wife obviously did.
Abigail: HAHAHA wait what
Abigail: What was that about Poppy?
Michael: Just a distraction.
Abigail: A distraction from WHEN DID THIS EMBRACE START
Abigail: A smooth criminal is still a criminal, you know.
Michael: Oh yeah, officer, make me pay.
Abigail: You're treeing up the wrong bark, Captain Tight-Pants.
Michael: Was it the boner?
Abigail: It was the disappointing boner.
Michael: It's still bigger than Jerome's.
Abigail: So are all of my fingers.
Michael: But I bet those fingers have been where Jerome's dick hasn't.
Abigail: And that's a pretty secure status quo.
Abigail: Welp, bye! Enjoy all the guilt of adultery with none of the sex!
Michael: What's guilt? I'm a businessman.
Abigail: I can see myself out, Kent.
Kent: And I can see your ass, sweet-ass.
Abigail: This is why I invented robot butlers.
Michael: This hand grabbed the sexy science lady!
Veronica: .oo(Nice going, that hand!)
Poppy: I think when you have lesbian sex you should be required to announce whether or not you're actually a lesbian.
Michael: Hold that thought, downstairs sounds really interesting right now.
Michael: Hey there, it's my favourite investment! How was the new science building?
Poppy: IT DOESN'T LOVE ME THE WAY I LOVE IT
Michael: Sounds too rich for my blood sugar.
Veronica: .oO(Less bitch, more bear.)
Michael: Your mom seems increasingly distant lately.
Veronica: .oO(NOT THIS SONG AND DANCE AGAIN)
Veronica: .oO(I'm selfish!)
Just like daddy!
Michael: And then the big bad wolf bought a car, and it was a fuckin' Tucker Torpedo with all the options, beautifully restored, but his wife insisted on still being a lesbian anyway.
Veronica: .oO(Wow... even with the heated seats?!)
Michael: C'mere, you're almost out of the shot.
Veronica: .oO(MAYBE JUST LET IT HAPPEN)
Kent: I brought your kid more radiation.
Michael: Good, this stuff has a terrible half-life.
Michael: Alright kid, focus. Show me your best Revolver Ocelot.
Michael: Perfect! Now do Otacon.
Veronica: .oO(I have some pride, you know.)
Michael: Tomorrow we'll do Resident Evil.
Michael: Now practice your NES midis!
Michael: What were those jokes even.
Works every time.
Poppy: Alright kid, remember: anything daddy told you is probably bullshit.
Poppy: And that goes double for mommy.
Poppy: Mommy is a huge liarface.
Mommy's not the only one.
Michael: Will we last?
What's your timeframe?
Michael: This chapter.
Poppy: That's not a great incentive to get out of bed.
Veronica: .oO(Great, thanks, now get your nipples outta here.)
Veronica: .oO(Baby needs to dump.)
Michael: Hey, up and at 'em! It's like four in the morning, time is money.
Michael: Is that a horny face or a contemplative one? 'cuz if it's contemplative I'm getting back up.
Poppy: You and I are rats.
More like rabbits.
Michael: What brought that on?
Poppy: Re-centring my sexual preference scale.
Poppy: ...maybe not.
Michael: Well you have fun with that.
Poppy: I do, that's the problem.
Poppy: I've got it!
You've got what?
Poppy: I know how to fix all my mental problems!
Poppy: Obsessive cleaning!
Ooh, yeah, that one's good.
Gypsy versus Skunk!
It's the new internet meme.
I hate it already.
Felicia: GOT IT IN THE BAG
Oh god, don't do that.
Give it to someone who won't do any damage with it, like the Zombie Queen or the mad scientists.
Michael: THIS TIME it's DEFINITELY my money sense.
Poppy: No sequence breaking!
Michael: This is the genie lamp? It looks like flowers.
Poppy: THIS WASN'T MY WISH
Michael: MY WIFE HAD SEXY LESBIAN SEX
Michael: WITH THE WOMAN I WAS GONNA REPLACE HER WITH IF SHE HAD SEXY LESBIAN SEX!
If it's any consolation, Abigail is way out of your league.
Michael: PUT MY PROPERTY DOWN, BITCH
Michael: I WISH WE COULD DO THIS IN A BIGGER ROOM SO THE CAMERA COULD JOIN US
Poppy: Stop talking in death-speak!
Michael: At least this one gave me a kid before turning evil.
Kendra gave you a kid too!
Michael: After turning evil. There's a difference.
Poppy: Hold on a minute, kiddo, mommy needs to find out why she's evil.
Michael: DRAMATIC PAUSE
Poppy: You found out about those chicks I fucked.
Michael: DON'T RUIN MY DRAMATIC PAUSE, BITCH!
Michael: AND YES I FOUND OUT ABOUT THOSE CHICKS YOU FUCKED!
Veronica: .oO(Go, mommy!)
Michael: You knew my last wife cheated on me! And you saw what happened!
Poppy: But you were a dick! And it was at least half your fault!
Michael: IT'S NEVER MY FAULT IF I HAVE MONEY
Michael: Mourning for the comfortable life you're about to lose?
Poppy: No, for yours.
Veronica: .oO(HEY LET'S NOT FORGET ABOUT THE BABY BOTTLE HERE)
Poppy: OH GOD DAISY'S GONNA KILL YOU BOTH
Pretty sure she won't if you ask her not to.
Poppy: Oh god I have to talk to Daisy.
Michael: Tell her to bring it on! I'm mad at her too, since you look the same.
Poppy: I always thought I was cuter.
Michael: You were, until that hair.
Poppy: And we were doing so well! I bet we were about to get a genie lamp, too.
Poppy: AW COME ON
Poppy: If this has a purple magic chick inside of it, I'll accept the universe's apology.
Poppy: Can't catch a break, can I.
Genie: Whaddaya want.
Poppy: That's some impressive ancient dialect you've got going there.
Genie: Whaddaya want.
Poppy: Give me a second to think about it! I'm still mourning for that imaginary purple chick I made up.
Genie: DON'T MAKE ME USE THE HAND
Poppy: Alright, alright! I want you to solve all my problems!
Genie: Money it is.
Poppy: I'd be mad, but you have a point.
Poppy: Bonus points for putting a hole in Michael's roof.
Michael: Mommy's gone to live with the bears, Veronica.
Michael: And they're gonna eat her.
Poppy: Do you do the backfiring wishes thing?
Genie: What's it worth to ya?
Poppy: Eww, bathroom money.
Poppy: AND OTHER BAD THINGS
Poppy: Yay! Enough money to get me not as good a house as this.
Poppy: Luckily that covers most of the neighbourhood.
Michael: Oh boy oh boy are you leaving now?!
Poppy: I think I need a shower first. Stick your head under here and tell me.
Poppy: I guess this is it, Michael. Unless you're suddenly not an asshole anymore.
Michael: Like that could even happen.
Michael: Hello, empty wall where Poppy was just standing! MY how you've improved in the last five seconds. It must be the lack of that hideous shadow.
Poppy: Alright, alright already.
Michael: Hey there Mr. Carpet! It looks like a big flabby gay weight has been lifted from you! I wonder why.
Michael: Bye, homewrecker!
Poppy: Go look at the bedroom ceiling and see how literally true that is.
Poppy: You can keep that sack. I'm sure it'll make you happier in bed.
Poppy: Tell Veronica I was eaten by a giant vagina.
Michael: It'll have to be a giant bear vagina, for our stories to stay straight.
Michael: And this is gonna be a straight story over here, now that my gay wife is gone.
Yeah, well... wow, that was fun.
Anyway, one hundred and fifty chapters! Here's a shameless piece of cheesecake:
(Click for full-size version)
Three should be guessable; two shouldn't be; two can't be.
And yeah, that's my first hundred and forty-nine chapters behind them (the twenty-fifth one happened twice, if you'll recall.) To see 'em all in their combined glory, click here.
Next time: all that talk about robosexuals finally bears fruit.
Sexy robot fruit?