Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Pine Valley: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
If you're in a country where it's not Thanksgiving but you still have Thanksgiving, don't vote Republican.
Jerome: Cavendish my ass.
Carolina: Hello to you, too!
Jerome: Alright kiddo, these people are really white. We need to teach you some white people songs. Repeat after me: "domo arigoto."
Deborah: Who the hell fixed my ugly house?!
Deborah: Was it this ugly dude?
Jerome: I might be ugly, but you're a pig.
Elle: He's not wrong.
Deborah: Hey, pal, we got off on the wrong foot. Mostly because I don't know why you're in my house now.
Jerome: Because we're better at it than you are.
Rebecca: He's not wrong.
Jerome: You invited Carolina to live with you. She invited me.
Deborah: What a fascinating interpretation of how this works.
Rebecca: THE FUCK IS THIS THING
Deborah: My Rebecca has already learned how to walk. Can your hideous little copspawn even wipe her own behind?
Shiloh: WHY WOULD I WANT TO
Rebecca: .oO(I'm better than her.)
Jerome: Disrespect my daughter again and I will break you.
Jerome: And then drive you to the hospital. I'm not a monster.
Rebecca: She totally is one, though, right?
Rebecca: 'cuz I'm not seeing any other likely explanations.
Rebecca: Right, 'cuz that's even a word.
Rebecca: Look at me, I'm an idiot! "Hug! HUG!"
Rebecca: Hahaha what.
Rebecca: You're alright, monster.
Rebecca: That's it! I'll distract her, you pick her pocket.
Rebecca: Now garrote her.
Rebecca: You and me, kid. You and me.
Rebecca: You totally should have garroted her, though.
Rebecca: SIT IN THE DAMN CHAIR DAMN YOU
This is how I feel half the time.
Shiloh: HAHAHA NAUGHTY BITS
This is how I feel the other half of the time.
Debbie: Why are you here, anyway?
Jerome: Gonna marry Carolina.
Debbie: It's a big state, you sure you ready to love all of it?
Jerome: You stopped glowing!
Rebecca: She looks even more monstrous now.
Rebecca: AND I LIKE HER
Shiloh: Nobody's ever said that before!
Jerome: WE HAVE SO
Jerome: Put that shit away, nobody wants that.
Jerome: Don't give me those stuffed rabbit eyes.
Rebecca: RAR! DESTROY!
That's how I feel all of the time.
ENOUGH WITH THE DOLL GENITALS.
Jerome: Fuck off, Penny.
Penny: No, YOU fuck off!
Jerome: I LIVE here.
Penny: No, YOU live here!
Debbie: Drink BOTH bottles! We must starve the interloper!
Jerome: I like her.
Elle: SOMEBODY accidentally left this in the baby milk machine. I WONDER WHO THAT WAS.
Debbie: I brought you dinner!
Jerome: Stay away from the bad lady.
Elle: If I catch her on the stairs, I'll give her a shove for you.
Carolina: Well, I guess Deborah's gonna have to miss this.
Jerome: Who's that?
Carolina: Aw, look at you! Somebody else's little girl, all growed up!
Jerome: Come on, Shi! Show 'em how awesome mixed race babies look!
Carolina: I want you to know that your mom wants to be here, but I'm not sure she does.
Carolina: So I'll be as excited as I think she should be!
Jerome: While my excitement is legitimate! But only for Shiloh.
Shiloh: I can't wait to see this outfit explode.
Rebecca: OH GOD I LIKED THIS OUTFIT
And yet, against all odds, it has improved.
Wow! Turns out your face is okay!
Your hair, though... no surprise there.
Rebecca: Wow! My hands!
Shiloh: Mine too!
EVERYBODY STARE AT THE LEAST-CHANGED BITS
For fuck's sake hurry up so I can fix you.
Shiloh: I AM ONE WITH THE CAKE
Shiloh: That was a really cute party, Jerome.
Jerome: Penny never liked to make a fuss over Shiloh.
Shiloh: Let's get her.
Rebecca: FINALLY I can do this shit RIGHT
Shiloh: Just like mommy!
Only without all that ruined potential.
You actually turned out halfway interesting!
Must be Penny's half doing it.
Shiloh: Off to bed.
Yep. Definitely Penny's half.
Jerome: It was fun playing house with you.
Carolina: The kids seemed to enjoy it, so I figured, why not?
Jerome: Am I allowed to be happy?
Carolina: Try it and see if the world ends.
Rebecca: Ooh yeah. Shittin' by myself. Not gettin' off for a week.
It's been nice talking to you.
Jerome: I'm not even sure I'm allowed in here, palette-wise. Christ what a white girl my daughter is.
Rebecca: I'll try to work some of the pink out of her, bit by bit.
Deborah: Can't you and the can just talk things out, Penny?
Brittany: Why am I here?
AS A BLOG WRITER.
Deborah: Who's hugging me? I can't see.
Deborah: I'll still take it.
Deborah: Holy shit! Did I just stretch you out? I'm so sorry!
Deborah: Don't let Penny kick you over.
Debbie: I tried to bleed the new blood, but they overcame my machinations.
Deborah: You do what you can.
Shiloh: My dad and my mom don't get along.
Rebecca: My mom says they flushed my dad down the toilet.
Jerome: You wanna get out of here for a bit?
Carolina: And leave the kids with Deborah?
Jerome: They have to learn how cruel the world is sometime.
Shiloh: One time I caught my mom cleaning a man's pee-pee with her mouth.
Rebecca: Adults are weird.
Rebecca: It's kinda sad.
Shiloh: It really is.
Brittany: Do you live here?
Penny: Do you?
Brittany: Since when is that a polite response? You must be a cop.
Carolina: Man, the going is getting better all the time.
Rebecca: They say my daddy went down the pipes to be with his own kind.
Shiloh: My mommy says your daddy was the worst thing since the Holocaust.
Rebecca: SHE KNEW MY DADDY?!
Penny: There's LOTS of things I know.
If only road safety were one of them.
Jerome: Did you hear a bump just now?
Carolina: I've been hearing bumps since we left the Valley. I assumed your tires needed air.
Jerome: Good news! My tires are fine.
Penny: Suddenly I wonder why I can't seem to catch anything.
Jerome: Well that's unfortunate.
The Grim Reaper: NAH, IT'LL BUFF RIGHT OUT.
Esther: Please tell me you're not staying for dinner.
The Grim Reaper: GOT ALL THE SUSTENANCE I NEED RIGHT HERE, THANKS.
Jerome: I didn't actually want her to die.
Carolina: Are you sad that it happened, though?
Jerome: I want to be sad...
Jerome: But there are more pressing tragedies to think about.
Carolina: Penny was your first love, wasn't she?
Jerome: Yeah. That's why I didn't notice what a shit love it was.
Jerome: She was nothing like you. Always judging me and berating me and making fun of me.
Carolina: You mean if we get married I won't be allowed to do any of those things?
Daryl McClellan: If anybody's wondering, it was these guys what did it.
If anybody's wondering, Barenaked Ladies Guy? is named Daryl McClellan.
Carolina: Anyway, fuck Penny.
Jerome: Not until they pull her out, at least.
Carolina: Shame about the baby, though.
The Grim Reaper: I HEAR THOSE FUCKERS GRILL UP REAL NICE.
Carolina: Hahaha. Murderer.
Shea: Can we keep the Gordon Ramsaying to a minimum here, people?
Jerome: What's happening?
Gerald: Some team-building exercise or something in the kitchen.
Jerome: I don't wanna be on a team!
Carolina: Did you hear anything about more zombies happening, by any chance?
Jerome: I did kinda survive a mini-apocalypse the other day.
Carolina: I can see why that wouldn't have come up in conversation yet.
Jerome: It did really get me thinking, though.
Carolina: That's never good.
Jerome: I've spent a good chunk of my life with a woman who just thought of me as a tiny dick.
Carolina: I bet that wasn't much fun for her, either.
Jerome: What I'm trying to say, Carolina, is: will you marry me better?
Carolina: I could hardly do it worse!
Tucker: There's a hot chick in there who's totally unthreatened by dudes walking up to her. You should try her instead.
Tucker: I mean I'm totally going for it if you don't, I just wanted to be polite.
Carolina: How long are you gonna make me wear this ring for?
Jerome: How's your schedule for tonight?
Jerome: 'cuz I hear my pastor stays up late.
I'm definitely a night owl.
Shea: I'd be happy to make a reservation for you! One question: your brains. How attached to them are you currently? How attached to them do you need to be?
Jerome: HAHA THESE SIGNS
Gerald: HOHO SUCH SIGNS
Carolina: I don't get it.
Daryl: Hey baby, wanna ditch this scene?
Brittany: Not even if you had a million dollars.
Daryl: I'D BE RICH
Esther: CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE COOK IS COOKING?!
Carolina: So, seating: yes or no?
Shea: You're serious?
Carolina: He says we have to wait until the zombie's done eating.
Jerome: What is this Jim Crow shit?
Jerome: Let me pass the time by talking about all my ex-lovers.
Jerome: Or we could stare at this tapesty.
Gerald: This is a nice tapestry.
Shea: Eat me next.
Esther: NOW I HAVE TO WASH MY HANDS. THANKS.
Kendal: Worst meal I never had. Zero stars.
I don't even need the reminders, game. I know what they're having: black food and white food.
Carolina: Apparently it's okay to make the same joke twice if you rephrase it!
Darling, this entire story is just the same five jokes repeated ad nauseam.
Carolina: You know what's weird? I actually love this doofus.
That's not weird!
Esther: Two stereotypes, coming right up!
Jerome: I don't see why liking good food is a negative thing.
Jerome: If they expected me to wear a turban and grant wishes, then I'd be mad.
Carolina: I hate to tell you this, Jerome, but Shaq is not the traditional form of genie.
Carolina: I didn't know they threw people out for talking Shaq.
Irfan: I'm the mayor.
YOU ALREADY HAD YOUR FATAL CAR ACCIDENT
STAY DEAD THIS TIME
Carolina: You gonna back up first?
Jerome: It's already under there, there's no graceful end to this.
SCRAAAAAAAAATCH KAKLUNK KAKLUNK
Jerome: Luckily this is Deborah's car.
Pretty sure it isn't.
Carolina: You'd tell me if these clothes were as bad as those clothes, right?
Asia: Only if you tell me whose hearts those are.
Jerome: Mine. Always mine.
Carolina: You're so cute.
Jerome: Penny said that to my penis once.
Carolina: Please make me a list of every nice thing Penny hasn't ruined for you.
Jerome: It's a short list, consisting of the name "Carolina."
Carolina: Where we off to now?
Jerome: The fantasy factory.
As the patron deity of this church, I resent that remark.
Yeah yeah, go inside. I've got mad window glare again and we're back in shadow monster territory.
Carolina: He's more of a shadow snuggler.
Clay: THIS MOVING PICTURE AIN'T SHIT
Rosemarie: Do these count as streetlights? I'm new to this.
Carolina: This isn't exactly the wedding dress I pictured.
Trust me, there've been worse.
Jerome: I have my reservations about this crowd.
Ally: Hey, fuck you too.
Jerome: I'm more worried about the prostitute and my ex-lover.
You should make sure to clarify that those are two different people.
Clay: I hate sitting. I'm just gonna stand here.
Jerome: You're gonna be in all the pictures if you stand there.
Carolina: Where are you going?
"Cecilia": If I sit farther back I might not be able to sprint up and slap you both.
"Cecilia": I can't see.
Rosemarie: Pregnancy blindess, eh? I hear that's a thing.
Blah blah married kiss her.
"Cecilia": WASN'T FAR ENOUGH
"Cecilia": HOW COULD YOU?! After that wonderful night we spent fucking in your car!
Jerome: This is just how I pictured my dream wedding.
Carolina: Can I get a picture of you guys together? I hear she's a celebrity.
"Cecilia": Come near me again and you'll be the ones on the news.
Rosemarie: Too long, didn't last.
Carolina: I hope you left the car running.
Carolina: "You may now kiss the bride!"
Jerome: That's not how he said it.
Carolina: You have your dreams, I have mine.
Opal: Is this where the inappropriately-dressed guests stand?
Ally: There's also the streetlights outside.
"Cecilia": Good one.
Jerome: I promise to be everything for you my wife wasn't for me.
Carolina: As long as that all shakes out positive, sounds good!
Carolina: I promise I'm not a bitch.
"Cecilia": I call bullshit.
Wow. Opal. You cleaned up nicely.
Opal: I still fit into my wedding dress!
I didn't know you were married!
Opal: I wasn't.
I now pronounce you Jer-ohm and Care-oh-line-uh.
But the latter will eventually change to Care-oh-LEEN-uh when I realize it's more likely.
Carolina: Cool story bro.
Carolina: Well, Mr. Newcastle?
Jerome: Yes, Mz. Siew?
Carolina: ...no, it's Mrs. Newcastle now.
Jerome: Holy shit, that's allowed?
Carolina: Decades of easy-to-please, here I come.
Rosemarie: You looking for work? The "spinster bride" look is bound to be popular with some of our older clients.
Well, good luck.
Ally: You're gonna need it!
Opal: SO CLEVER DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT
Rosemarie: Nice dress, Kenya, you on the job?
Kenya: Hey! I don't know what that means.
Jerome: You taste like popsicles.
Carolina: I'm an elementary school teacher.
Ally: I wonder if all men are pigs, or just the ones I know.
Opal: Ask yourself why I'm old and gay.
Jerome: Want some cake?
Carolina: You gonna feed it to me?
Jerome: Why, something wrong with your intestines?
Jerome: Little joke.
Carolina: It's impossible to tell with you.
Carolina: You hit the spot! Nice aim!
Jerome: I've always been good at getting small things into wide spaces.
Rosemarie: I made burgers.
Jerome: I think we're supposed to be sitting together for this.
Carolina: I want us to be a non-traditional couple.
Opal: I'm helping.
Carolina: I DON'T LIKE YOU BUT CAKE
"Cecilia": I loooooove cake.
"Cecilia": ... okay, fine, I love Jerome, stop staring.
Rosemarie: I was just wondering how your hair stays like that.
Carolina: Thief is here, better go.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: The lady has uncovered your deception, negro vagabond!
Rosemarie: You don' like hamburgersh?
Cameron: Why is everybody getting knocked up lately?
"Cecilia": Because this fucking generation needs to end eventually?
Generation 1: about ten chapters.
Generation 2: about five hundred.
Jerome: No way am I living through three hundred and something more chapters.
Maybe your children will.
Or maybe not.
Where'd your fancy clothes go?
Jerome: Back to the rental place.
Carolina: Best scam ever.
Jerome: I dunno, I think I scammed you pretty good.
Carolina: I know you ripped me off, but I expect you to work the balance off.
Brittany: I first realized I was gay when someone made me be gay at university.
Deborah: Who are you again?
Shiloh: Got you.
Shiloh: Stay... stayyyyy...
You do realize your bed is inanimate, right?
Shiloh: Well that's a wussy way to do things.
Shiloh: I feel better about sleeping in its maw now, though.
Brittany: They're gonna wear out the suspension if they keep that up much longer.
Deborah: That's nothing. Doctors recommend an artificial hip before having sex with William.
Jerome: Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard almost killed me yesterday.
Brittany: I'm glad you're more boring than me.
Brittany: I shall call you "insurance."
Jerome: This sure doesn't look like a marriage bed.
It's barely a divorce bed.
Carolina: Deborah has some strange objection about us bumping awesomes in her hearing range.
Deborah: MY HOUSE MY RULES
Carolina: A few hundred more dates and we can afford our own house.
Jerome: The best thing about not being married is not being comfortable doing this together.
Jerome: The best thing about being married is everything else.
Jerome: Some everything elses are more best than others, of course.
Well of course.
Carolina: Please don't resent and detest me.
Shiloh: Start by not interrupting my sleep.
Rebecca: Start by not interrupting ANYBODY'S sleep.
Jerome: HAW HAW HAW WALL DECALS
Carolina: You look kinda like Jerome, with your big stupid eyes and your vapid expression.
Mrs. Flibble: .oO(You just in a nasty bitch mood today?)
Shiloh: I think I might try to have one of those every day.
Rebecca: I can teach you.
I should have saved my synchronized simming joke for this.
Deborah: You should have saved it for yourself.
Rebecca: Mom, is this still our house?
Deborah: We'll see what the title card says next year.
Carolina: It'll say: "The Newcastle Household and Deborah."
Shiloh: I held out for "and Deborah and Rebecca" but no dice, sorry.
Rebecca: It's okay, I'll fix it when you're all dead.
Shiloh: There there, little bed. I don't believe what they said about you being dead. Now let me groom you.
Carolina: I have this weird feeling you were neglected a teensy bit as a child.
Jerome: Might I interest you in a distraction from my greatest failure?
Shiloh: New nickname!
Jerome: We're a family now, just the three of us. We're gonna take care of each other.
Nah, I'll take care of you.
Each in a slightly different sense of the term.
Jerome: At least I got breasts.
Deborah: I'M STILL RELEVANT
Rebecca: I'm playgaybashing!
Aaaaaaaaaand let's end there.
Next time: the prodigal daughter returns.
And it's no big deal.