Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Pine Valley: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
That's three in a row, go for one more!
This journal last updated... today! Twice, even! Read Chapters 190 and 191 first!
We need a classier name for this family.
Something like "Cathouse."
Andrzej: Boo! Boo! Sexing with cats is forbidden in my country! Cats are only toilet paper.
Andrzej: Sex cat toilet paper would spread disease, filthy SimNationals!
Rosemarie: Alright, time for your shut up fuck Andy.
Emily: Wow, so, you actually do exist? Let me touch you to prove it, I really have my doubts.
Coy: I don't look that ridiculous.
Emily: You don't think so? 'cuz I was just about to speculate that I'm imagining me.
Kendra: Hey jerk! I bet nobody's jerked you off since I jerked you off!
Kendra: Not that I'm really into it, but hey. Bills.
Coy: See baby? I'm real.
Emily: Don't be coy.
Coy: But that's all I am!
Emily: Then don't be.
Rosemarie: REMEMBER THE PEOPLE WE KNEW AT UNIVERSITY?!
That's all my university friends ever want to talk about.
Rosemarie: Remember how we were in constant danger of burning to death?!
Says the woman who lives in an unregulated tenement.
Rosemarie: Yes, but an unregulated tenement with no noise rules.
I imagine noise rules would be counterproductive in a place like this.
Rosemarie: No, I take pills for that.
Emily: You're so romantic! Of course you'd have to be.
Amar: I don't know why we go here when they just insult us.
Because that's half of the experience! Of women.
Amar: Fine. I don't know why all that stuff is floating up there.
Yeah, me either.
Emily: Hey man, don't bruise the merchandise!
Emily: In SimSoviet SimWhorehouse, ho beats you!
Violence against women is not funny.
Violence against men is, though.
Rosemarie: You know, Andy, with an asset like yours you'd be perfect for this line of work.
Andrzej: Evil foreign woman! Do not attempt to monetize my long, proud, luxurious nose!
Emily: I'm still not sure you're real, but your mouthwash sure is.
Kendra: Shit, there's a stain.
Nah, that's just the invisible counter you'll be laying on while you bang.
Kendra: Looks pretty visible to me.
Wow! You can see ultraviolet! Neat.
Emily: Mmm mmm mmm! Good mouthwash.
Emily: Make sure you get in behind the gums this time.
Amar: Part of me thought you were calling me a stain.
Kendra: Nah, you're more of a blight.
Andrzej: In my country this task is fit only for goats.
Andrzej: And it is the only task for which goats are fit.
Rosemarie: This goat has teeth. Remember that.
Emily: Just take... take some of this off before I have to slap you for it.
Amar: You're a woman of rare beauty, Kendra.
Kendra: Well, somebody's got to make up for you.
Emily: You know, I'm into more intellectual pursuits these days. I bet you'd rather lay it on the chessboard than lay it on the line.
Coy: You know what? Yeah! This will do nicely.
Kendra: Mmf, wait. What's that wobbly rattling downstairs?
Emily: This is not... exactly... what I meant!
Emily: But at least this way we both win.
Emily: I'll call it checkmating.
Andrzej: Thank you for the provided service, wench. Your payment will be forthcoming.
Rosemarie: Like you were forthcoming, eh? Hahaha.
Andrzej: I will be deducting from your tip for that pun.
Rosemarie: Okay, but just the tip, right? Just to see how it feels.
Coy: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHOSE TURN IT IS
Kendra: So, we could always just talk or something.
Amar: With me? That's practically abuse.
Coy: I thought we were gonna play chess, though.
Emily: My hourly rate goes up by the second, starting right now.
Amar: You know, I can't even feel that scratchy cover down there!
Kendra: Apparently that's 'cuz we're floating on invisible shelves.
Amar: NOBODY PUTS AMAR ON A SHELF
Coy: I'll be sure to give you top marks at the agency.
Emily: SLAP HER FOR ME TOO OKAY
Rosemarie: I hope this doesn't classify me as an agricultural worker, they don't get paid overtime.
Brenda: What kind of business is this?
Andrzej: In my country women only speak when spoken too.
Brenda: Is it because you're all so unapproachable, though?
Rosemarie: I can't believe he just wanted a blowjob.
Did he say why?
Rosemarie: Something about it being illegal in his country to let women enjoy sex.
Emily: Trade you for the zuit suitor next time.
Emily: You really don't know what you're not missing.
Coy: Finally, a good reason to buy women flowers!
Rosemarie: Alright, let's see if we can't hook something bigger than a Coy.
Rosemarie: 'allo guv'nor! Fancy 'avin' a go?
Rosemarie: I heard he likes Victorian chicks.
William: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Rosemarie: I'm pretty sure I know what the worst of times would be.
Are you sure it's not this?
Amar: Your lips aren't even on my lips.
Kendra: But I'm working them extra hard to compensate!
Emily: I wonder if I should just fudge my timecard.
Kendra: My boss sense is tingling, warning me of slackers!
Emily: Hey, you're the mayor now, right? That's almost as good as a governor.
Rosemarie: So, you know who's cheating?
William: Yes. Everyone. Now let's talk about how the speech balloon is getting mirrored incorrectly.
JJ Cox: Acting Mayor Barrett! Is that you?!
Dagmar: No. I'm just an actress playing her.
Rosemarie: Look me over and tell me, honestly, that you know of a more attractive couple.
William: There's theoretically a bunch of universes where I'm a woman. So, theoretically, there's also a few where those women have crossed over to where I'm a man, and-
Rosemarie: If you need to resort to multiple worlds theory I think I've made my point.
William: And you've made me pointy.
Rosemarie: Before you ask me, yes. Yes, I get it.
Kendra: Dammit Emily! We haven't worked out a price point for lesbians yet!
Dagmar: I'm not a lesbian. I just need to talk to a woman, and you wouldn't believe how few of those there are at city hall.
Kendra: Try to frame this in such a way that I'm not a terrible mother, okay?
Kendra: I'LL KNOW IF THESE ARE FAKE, AMAR!
Kendra: Hey, um... you? You know what your name is. Wanna pay for sex?
Emily: And then she did this grody old guy!
Dagmar: I forgot to mention that I need to talk to an intelligent woman, Emily.
I sure hope his name is Jack, 'cuz Imma call him Jack.
That's it, little man! Stand up for your rights!
Jack: What's your slave name, little guy? Mine's Jack.
Richard: Get your tail and get out, whitebread.
Rosemarie: Are you seriously not going to have sex with me either? 'cuz I mean sure, I'm all for plowing through clients today instead of them plowing through me, but it's hard not to take it personally.
Jack: I choose this one.
Kendra: Again with the slavery overtones.
Dagmar: Alright, cool. But if you talk, make sure to sound manly.
You seriously didn't fuck her.
William: Just doing my job, buddy. Governors are expected to get handjobs in whorehouses, but nobody likes a cheater.
Dagmar: Mmm, Emery, you are such a good kisser for a man.
Emily: With a name like Emery it's no surprise, 'cuz I'd be a gay man.
Dagmar: Dammit Emery, your voice is too high! Grow a pair!
Richard: As I gain more and more self-awareness, this situation becomes increasingly bleak.
What a coincidence! This entire wall, floor, and furniture combination is called "Bleak in Teak."
William: I signed the note, but first name only. That way it could either be me, or one of four different characters on The X-Files! Plausible deniability achieved.
Five. It's Mulder's middle name too.
Jack: Wow, your lips taste like nobody else has kissed them today!
Kendra: I was saving them up for a special occasion.
Richard: Luckily I haven't learned about personal space or boundaries yet.
Rosemarie: He's about to learn about burlap sacks and rivers.
Rosemarie: Hey. Yep. Good.
Dagmar: From a purely aesthetic standpoint, you're pretty attractive!
Emily: That's good. A mayor shouldn't have to settle for an ugly pretend boyfriend.
Emily: Are you sure you're not just a little bit gay?
Dagmar: I used to be, but my goddamn parents prayed it away on me.
Richard: MAWWWWWWM! Rosemarie sang a bad song at me!
Kendra: Was it "MacArthur Park"?
Stephen: Was that the fucking mayor?
Naw, she's just acting.
Rosemarie: Hey there, tall dorkin' handsome!
Rosemarie: ROMANCE PUNCH
Jack: As a white dude I just have to say, it feels super nice when a black person likes you.
It does! Not when you pay them for it, though. That's... another thing entirely.
Rosemarie: OH YEAH HIT ME AGAIN
Stephen: THIS IS NOT WHAT PILLOW TALK MEANS
Rosemarie: Aww, I'm just messing with you!
Stephen: That's a fine thing to say when I'm paying for the mess.
Dagmar: I just signed it "William." Now it could be from six different people!
Kendra: Well, that wasn't bad.
Jack: Wow! How much do I owe you for that compliment?! Yowza.
Kendra: The compliment is free, but that "Yowza" will cost you.
Jack: That's fair.
Rosemarie: I just really like the feel of a Murphy.
Stephen: Not to tell you what to do with your body or anything, but you should do something artistic! Since you're artistic and all.
Rosemarie: Obviously you haven't seen me have sex before.
Stephen: I'd like to make a commission.
We paid for that whole bed, but all you're using is the edge?
Richard: I like to think that I'm as physically far away from everything else in this place as possible.
Stephen: Yeah, this is some serious arthouse shit here.
Rosemarie: I can't help but feel like I'm missing out, though. I hear William's like nine inches long.
Stephen: I bet I can channel him if I try really hard!
Rosemarie: You seem to be pretty hard already.
Stephen: But really, he and I are connected! His middle name is my first name.
Rosemarie: Wow. And that's not all. The last six inches of his penis are just as long as your penis is.
Rosemarie: Okay OKAY, don't wreck up the place in there!
Kendra: How many?
Kendra: Me too. What about Little Red Riding Good?
Emily: I don't know but that was such hot wordplay.
Kendra: Pff. I bet I can find that title on IMDB in like five seconds.
Kendra: Guess I can move laterally into the film industry when I get too old to do practical work.
Emily: I like pancakes because there's nothing sexual about them.
Well, the syrup.
The syrup! People... use the syrup...
Emily: Don't talk to me about shit you've never done.
THEN I WOULDN'T BE A WRITER ANYMORE!
Stephen: You know, I'm thinking of doing a photo shoot on all the beautiful women of Clover County!
Stephen: And I need a backup photographer.
Rosemarie: Oh ha ha ha.
Stephen: Don't get your back up. Ha ha. Seriously though, you are some rare thing.
Rosemarie: I am so many rare things!
Yeah, most redheads are not hot redheads.
And most hot redheads are not in my computer.
Although I am trying!
Rosemarie: If we set up a webcam I bet Wall Street dudes would pay to watch this.
Emily: You're awful in an alright sort of way, Rosemarie.
Rosemarie: Remind me to tell you about those two kids I squished.
Rosemarie: Or maybe you'd like to hear about it over cunnilingus?
Emily: Can you even talk while you're doing that?
Rosemarie: Oh, I wasn't offering, I was asking.
Emily: You sure are full of yourself, lady.
Rosemarie: If I was a dude, I bet every woman in town would want to be full of me!
Emily: What if I knee you in the vag, like this?
Rosemarie: Then I'll punch you in the tit, like this!
Emily: NUCLEAR OPTION
I'm starting to think that webcam idea has legs.
It would at least provide evidence for the lawsuit.
Emily: Pretend I said something humorously delirious.
Emily: Because that doesn't really happen.
Rosemarie: But that takes the fun right out of it!
Emily: Okay, so, new rule. No pillow fights near structural elements.
Emily: You cool with that?
Rosemarie: You're not gonna die now, are you?
Emily: What? Don't be silly. Nobody dies from a pillow fight.
That would be pretty stupid.
Rosemarie: Just the same, I'm gonna start a funeral fund.
Sell this image.
You'll be able to afford a fewnerals.
Richard: Shoo zeds! Fucking shoo!
Rosemarie: Hey, awesome! Somebody didn't pay in full.
Kendra: I'll kill them.
Emily: That's my pimp!
Emily: Mornin' Ken doll!
Kendra: NEW NICKNAME. RIGHT NOW.
Richard: She was right. This isn't romantic.
Richard: It's getting there, though.
Kendra: Welp, another day, another caller! Of the gentlemanly persuasion.
Next time: some minor characters are introduced.
I am one of them.