Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Pine Valley: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
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This journal last updated... like, a day ago!
Stephen: Ever know you're doing something wrong, but do it anyway 'cuz it feels so good?
Stephen: Alright guys, let's get those bridal pictures taken!
Stephen: Among other things I'll be taking.
Stephen: Yeah honey! You tell that invisible audience.
Tosha Go: Can I pretend you're my parents?
Stewart: Alright, Margaret. Did you bring the dress?
Margaret: What do you think is padding out my bra?
Margaret: This doorway is filthy.
Margaret: Oh! Speaking of filthy!
Stephen: You have no idea.
Stewart: And you'd better not be getting any ideas either.
Stephen: You wound me!
Stewart: No, but I will.
Stephen: Anyway, this commission is on the house.
Stephen: Say! You wouldn't be interested in posing for some photos, would you?
Sandy: Only if that's a thinly-veiled metaphor for sex!
Stephen: Shhh! Not in front of the client's husband!
Stewart: Oh god, you're rehearsing for an anti-abortion debate?
Stephen: Turn around. It's important that you be really relaxed for this.
Margaret: I don't see how turning around will help that.
Margaret: ...I am always willing to be proven wrong.
Margaret: Wow! Your hands are like magic!
Stephen: Every real artist is good with their hands.
Margaret: I'M GLAD WE DECIDED TO SHOP LOCAL
Margaret: Now, I want this to be tasteful.
Stephen: Tasteful. Yes.
Margaret: But I want to look pretty.
Stephen: Pretty! Yes.
Margaret: And I want to know why I'm holding your hand suddenly.
Stephen: Whoops, that's me! Left the ol' animal magnetism on.
Stephen: What say we head inside and see what happens?
Stephen: In terms of photography, I mean.
Margaret: Yes. That too.
Stephen: Stewart happy hanging around here?
Margaret: Who cares?
Margaret: I certainly don't want him there. We're looking for a really intimate portrait.
Stephen: I can do intimate.
Margaret: I have no doubts.
Margaret: Alright, enough foreplay. Let's consummate this economic relationship!
Stephen: Would it ruin the mood if I admitted to locking myself out?
Xavier: Who you talkin' to, mom?
Ember: Imaginary people.
Stewart: You mean you're imagining talking to real people, right?
Ember: No. They might think they're real people, but they're only imagining it. And hey, speaking of aborti-
NOT SPEAKING OF THAT
This is gonna objectify women enough without opening that up.
Stephen: If nightmares have taught me anything, it's that running fast is a good alternative to being stealthy!
Ember: Did you hear something right now?
Stewart: Maybe, but it was either running too fast or really stealthy.
Stephen: So I'm really glad we could make a date today. For your photos. A photo-date.
Margaret: Don't call it a "date." I hate dates. They taste like shoe.
Margaret: I think. I've never had one. But that's how they look.
Margaret: But I've never seen one either.
Stephen: I see many things.
Margaret: Yeah, my dress does that.
Margaret: Think of it as a teaser trailer.
Margaret: 'cuz I aim to tease.
Margaret: So! Let's get it on! I mean, let's get it on! I mean let's get on with it?
Stephen: I don't think you do!
Margaret: I hope your camera can handle this much woman.
Stephen: Oh, I brought a wide lens.
Margaret: Good, we'll need some nice ass shots too.
Stephen: Was that a euphemism for-
Margaret: NO ANAL
EXCEPT IF GAYS
WE'RE OFF TOPIC NOW
Stephen: And it is one hot topic, let me tell you!
Xavier: And then my daddy and my mommy took a trip!
Stewart: I remember that! I think. He was cheating on my mom! Was I alive yet? I don't know!
See how cleverly I've learned to disguise my own forgetfulness?
Just pass your flaws on to your characters!
George R.R. Martin does.
Margaret: So, where did you go to photography college?
Stephen: Is that a real thing? I sure hope that's not a real thing.
Margaret: I thought you were qualified!
Stephen: I am! Nobody looks at women as much as I do!
Margaret: Fada soola gor!
Stephen: Don't make me do this.
Margaret: Fada soola bron!
Stephen: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CHEERLEADING DOES TO ME
Stephen: PLEASE STOP
Stephen: I DON'T EVEN SPEAK SIMLISH
Stephen: Voooooooo GERBITZ!
Stewart: Hey, you went to MNU, didn't you? How does that cheer go?
Ember: I don't know, because I'm not a whore.
Stewart: ...Margaret knows it...
Margaret: Oh! Oh! Oh! OH!
Wren: It's like my own personal metronome!
Margaret: Wow, you guys have similar dicks!
Stephen: He's a dick off the ol' dickblock, that's for sure!
Stewart: Hey, you've got no metronome! How are you keeping time?
Wren: Keen, very keen hearing.
Stephen: Anyways, how are you guys?
Margaret: Pretty oof good!
Stephen: Spending enough time together?
Margaret: OHHHHH yeah, we definitely are.
Margaret: I think... mmm.
Stephen: You said "I think"?
Margaret: Oh! Right, yeah. I think him and me are forever.
Margaret: I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO JOINING THIS FAMILY
Stephen: Yes. Joining.
Stephen: Joining is good.
Xavier: I hereby open this meeting of the Tipis by a Reflecting Pool Club!
Stephen: I hereby open these legs.
Wren: Aww, poor Stewart!
Stewart: Why? I'm fine!
Wren: Aww, he thinks he's fine!
Stewart: You're creepin' me out, kid.
Margaret: Wow, they even look the same!
Stephen: This topic isn't as awesome for me as it apparently is for you.
Margaret: Well, it's about to be all about you, so shut the fuck up.
Stewart: They sure are taking a long time.
Ember: That's my Stephen! Nothing but stamina, that one.
Stephen: If you're just gonna stare at it, I can snap you a pho-
Wait a second.
This looks oddly familiar...
Stewart: GOD I love this cheer!
Ember: Wow, haha! Get out of my face.
Margaret: Ready for another round, tiger?
Stephen: Nah, we need to escalate this further. Maybe in your bed? Or, like, at some place that's really important to you both!
Margaret: You... have an adultery fetish?
Stephen: How did you think I've lasted so long around here?
Margaret: Heheh. "Long."
Stephen: Why thank you.
Stewart: Wow, I love these pictures dad took!
Stephen: Okay, sexiness filter off...
Stephen: Oh, you heard that? I just turned the sexiness filter off, so we wouldn't shatter the lens with too much sexy.
Stephen: Too far?
Margaret: Ohhh yeah.
Stewart: BOO YOU SUCK
Stephen: Here, have a sexy picture of yourself.
Margaret: Which I can't show to anyone.
Stephen: At least not one person, in particular, right.
Stephen: Whoa there. I was thinking we'd do missionary next.
Margaret: You make me feel special, Stephen.
Stephen: Hey, you're the one fucking around here!
Stephen: Please tell me this is still you fucking around.
Stephen: You're already engaged to my son, stupid!
Margaret: I know, that was stupid.
Stephen: I don't understand.
Stephen: But your hair tastes good.
Stephen: We meet at last, my muse.
Stephen: Well fuck it then, let's get hitched since we can't tell anyone anyhow.
Margaret: That's the sexiest vow ever.
I now pronounce you dumb and dumber.
Stephen: If I'm the dumb one, how come I've got the girl?
You're the dumber one, actually.
See? You've been struck dumber!
Stephen: More like I've struck paydirt!
Margaret: OH! Right! Your cat died.
Stewart: IT SOUNDS LIKE A CAT DYING
Stephen: So hey, I have a wife.
Margaret: Will she care?
Stephen: What? No! I was just gonna propose a threesome is all.
Depending on who's in it, I think you have a deal!
Ember: Looks like they're pulling an all-nighter. Bye!
Stewart: An all-night wedding photography session.
Stewart: Okay! Fuck you too!
Margaret: Fuck me three! For the third time. Fuck me again.
Stewart: Weird! Dad and Margaret have the same clothes.
Stewart: I know you're in there, asshole! Come out with your clothes on!
Margaret: What if he kicks down the door?
Stephen: Then I buy a new door? What are you, twelve? Please don't be twelve.
Stewart: I won't have you manhandling my beautiful wife, dad! I'm the only man who gets to handle those handles! Love handles? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW
Stewart: POWER RANGERS
Margaret: Dammit Stu, you're spoiling the money shot!
Stewart: I'm not buying this.
Stephen: Of course not, I told you! It's free!
Margaret: What crawled up your ass and died, mister?
Stewart: What an image.
Margaret: Hey, look...
Stewart: I'M MAD 'CUZ I WANNA, OKAY?!
Margaret: But I didn't do anything...
Stephen: And god knows she wanted to!
Margaret: Stop helping, Stephen.
Stewart: How could you do this to me?!
Stephen: Yeah, Margaret! Wait, what did you do to him?!
Margaret: Thanks for the close-up, Mr. DeMille.
Margaret: ...I haven't seen that movie.
Oh, it's from a movie? Neat.
Margaret: Okay, stop, you're making it weird.
Stewart: Look, I'm sorry, honey. I just got so jealous, thinking of-
Margaret: BLAH BLAH BLAH APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED
Stewart: I can't believe I didn't trust you.
Margaret: Yeah, you're a real jerk aren't you.
Stewart: Is there anything I can do to make you forgive me?
Stephen: This is too fucked up, I'm going to bed.
Stewart: No, wait, dad, I owe you an apology too.
Stewart: I know you could never do something like that to me.
Stewart: Because you know how it would tear me apart inside.
Stewart: And you couldn't bear to put me through that.
Stewart: Boy, I'm really glad we got that all out in the open.
Stephen: Yeah, that's what just happened alright.
Margaret: Good night, my shaggy darling!
Stephen: Sleep tight, my honey-haired dumpling!
Stewart: You look really nice in that dress.
Stewart: I can't wait to get married!
Stewart: Because... we're... getting married, right?
Margaret: Hey, I'm gonna grab the negatives. I'll see you at home!
Stewart: Sounds reasonable!
Stewart: I think?
Stewart: Whatever those are?
Margaret: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BABY YEAH
Margaret: Pump it like it owes you water!
Margaret: I don't even know what that means.
Stephen: It means I'm awesome in bed.
As opposed to awesome on bed.
God, I hope this doesn't turn into a series.
Margaret: We need to keep this a secret.
Stephen: Why? Even when he found out, he was too dumb to find out!
Margaret: Yeah, university really muddles your brain up.
Tell me about it.
Stephen: If by "inspired" you mean "aroused," then yes.
Stephen: Oh-oh-oh, those curves.
I'm... gonna leave you alone for a bit.
Ember: Is somebody being sexually weird without me?!
Ember: Tell me it was just a nightmare.
Ember: I wonder if you can have a marriage that's only open on one end...
Oh, yes, definitely.
Let's create a documentary trail for this affair, shall we.
Margaret: I'm taking this other document in return.
Margaret: And this one too.
Margaret: And hey, that's weird.
Margaret: And hey, free bugs.
Or, you know, the real thing is just outside...
Stephen: She's much more manageable this way.
Ember: All lawyers need a high Logic skill.
For creating airtight cases?
Ember: No, for picking only the winners.
Margaret: IT GLOWS LIKE MY RED-HOT LOVE ONLY GREEN
Yeah, stand out there in the rain like a hobo, you hobo.
Yeah, you see how you hobo.
Yada yada yada are we done here yet?
She is, at least.
What are the odds?!
Margaret: How could I have known?!
I'm not sure this'll fix it, honey.
You are a joke.
Ember: WHO TOUCHED THE AIR OVER THE KIDDIE OVEN
Ember: IT WAS A KIDDIE!
Ember: Who touched nothing?!
I like how the final stage just looks like someone rubbed an eraser over a finished painting.
I like how Margaret is apparently a housepet now.
I like how Ember tortures housepets.
That's some awesome photorealism there, Stevie-boy.
Stephen: If it really was good, it would make you stop calling me that.
Yessiree, yet another Stevie wonder.
Margaret: IS THIS WATER OR PEE
Margaret: Either way it comes off.
Xavier: What are you taking off?!
Xavier: EWW WHO DIED
Wren: IN YOUR CLOTHES
Ember: I do so enjoy our romantic lives together.
Stephen: I wonder if it would count as a threesome if I cloned her.
Margaret: Who wants cheesecake?!
I LOVE CHEESECAKE!
Margaret: Who wants pregnancy?!
Next time: the big two oh oh.
Expect lots of oh-ohs.