Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Pine Valley: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.
I won't lie, these next three chapters form a trivial trilogy.
As I make no guarantees, I offer no apologies.
The game really has a knack for putting adulterers together and spouses apart in these pics.
Margaret: I'm sure Stephen'd be overjoyed to see you! Assuming he remembers you at all.
Margaret: On any given day he remembers having somewhere between one and fifteen kids, so there's a legitimate chance.
Margaret: I'm waiting for some eighty-year-old, buddy, take off.
Kyle: I think I turn sixty this year.
Margaret: I guess that does explain your sense of style.
Kyle: I like prostitutes.
Kyle: So how's my little brother or sister?
Margaret: Well currently they're not a real person.
Kyle: Well, you look very fat. I mean healthy. Which means fat.
Margaret: Why thank you!
Margaret: No really, why should I thank you.
Kyle: So how was sex with my dad?
Margaret: You're fuckin' weird.
Margaret: Oosh, take a look at THAT skunk.
Kyle: Skunk?! Where?!
Margaret: I did not say "skunk." That was a fuckin' typo.
Kyle: So hey, what's it like having a normal life instead of dying?
Margaret: Pay's better.
Margaret: And it's nice not being in a box?
Catalina: OHMYGOD PLAYABLES
Margaret: I'm sorry, this conversation is playables-only.
Catalina: I can be a playable!
Margaret: Hahaha, nice one kid.
Catalina: I will EAT MY OWN HAND to become playable!
Wren: Is that chick EATING HER OWN HAND?!
Catalina: I will let you RIDE ME LIKE A BULLET TRAIN if you give me a taste of that sweet, sweet playablehood!
Kyle: Sorry kid, you need at least two defineable character traits to be a playable.
Catalina: I have light skin! I could be an albino!
Kyle: We already got albinos. One's the frikkin' governor.
Kyle: Now get out of here before my dad comes home and sees you stinkin' up the place with your NPC bullshit.
Margaret: Yeah, sorry, nobody wants your skunk ass DAMMIT THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID AND YOU KNOW IT
Lance: I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL hey just practicin'.
Xavier: Hey Lance! Kill us all yet today?
Lance: Hahaha, gettin' to it, buddy. Gettin' to it.
Margaret: Help me yank the border down, there's too much negative space in the frame!
Margaret: Xavier! You stared me fatter!
Wren: I have real doubts that this woman has wisdom to impart, Xav.
Lance: ...and as de-facto world leader, after the death of the entire Sim population, I can promise you this: I will be dedicated as hell to the only Sim left standing. Me.
Kyle: Still better than Trump.
Margaret: ...and that's how you write clever but incorrect answers! You'll fail all your classes, but think of the clickbait you'll generate!
Stephen: My feelings are complicated.
Stephen: Who's this, Maggie? Your lesbian sister or something?
Stephen: ...wait a minute. I'd know that gormless stance anywhere!
Stephen: Gonna walk real slow-ly, 'til I can re-member... your na-OH RIGHT IT'S KYLE
Stephen: I hope.
Kyle: I missed you too, dad.
Stephen: Wait, no, it's Philip! Right?
Stephen: I'mma call you Phil.
Kyle: That's not my name.
Stephen: Um, duh? You've never heard of short forms before?!
Stephen: No, wait, you ARE Kyle! I remember now!
Stephen: I remember thinking "of COURSE he's gay, you named him KYLE!"
That's right, you do that online sensitivity training until you LEARN.
Ember: I see we're doing another stupid dude story today. I'll see myself out.
Stephen: Have I got a surprise for you!
Yes, you do! I know, because I know everything you know.
...which means it's NOT a surprise, so... no?
Stephen: Cool shut up this is my new studio.
Stephen: I specifically asked for bimbos. Where are my bimbos?
Get 'em yourself, Usagi no Bimbos.
Stephen: I'LL TAKE THE LOT!
Stephen: I hope they're licensed as streetwalkers.
Stephen: I don't know if stay-at-home prostitutes do that.
Yo ho! Hos.
Rosemarie: Why do I hafta go first?
Kendra: 'cuz I like you the least.
Stephen: Mmm, hello there! Don't I know you?
Rosemarie: I ran over your kid and made out with you a bunch.
Stephen: Woof. Tell me there was a gap of years in there somewhere.
Stephen: Yep. Those are definitely my breed of puppies.
The magic of Holywood.
It's like Hollywood, but for...
You probably got it already.
Kendra: Wow! I was expecting a basement or something.
Emily: You thought you were sending us to someone's basement?!
Kendra: Look, what's your problem? I sent Rosemarie first, didn't I?!
Rosemarie: So, there's a bed here.
Rosemarie: So I assume we're only going to be using a very specific part of my acting abilities here, then.
Stephen: We're not shooting a porno, if that's what you mean.
Emily: Oh, good.
Stephen: I couldn't get government funding to film a porno.
Kendra: Why do I get the feeling he tried?
Rosemarie: Okay, I've got my best outfit on, let's do this.
Rosemarie: I am mere seconds away from strangling you.
Stephen: Oops, my flash went off!
Rosemarie: Nope. Witch lightning.
Nope. Witch lightning AND flash.
Is there at least some thin story-based excuse for this? Please?
Emily: Maybe he's taking body scans for a video game character!
Kendra: Keep that Weird Science shit to yourself.
Cool? I guess?
Emily: Or maybe he's doing a tasteful photoshoot about the Sim body for, like, SimNational Geographic or something.
Rosemarie: ...is this actually my wallpaper? Did you steal my wallpaper.
Kendra: So much cheese.
Stephen: Okay, let's try some roles. Serial killer victim!
Rosemarie: I'm a prostitute. That's not funny.
Stephen: I hate these pictures and I hate you.
Stephen: If I can't capture your personality on camera, these just become cheesecake shots! And I suspiciously specifically told the arts committee I wasn't doing those.
Emily: I just doubt this is gonna be award material.
Stephen: It could still be jackoff material if we play our cards right!
Stephen: Okay, you can put your clothes back on, I'm not inspired.
Rosemarie: Spoken like a man who's been told that himself.
Stephen: Mmf oh yeah baby insult me
Rosemarie: Insecurity is such a turn-on.
Emily: I ain't doin' nothin' til you tell me why.
Stephen: How come everyone is talking like that today?
The more tired I get the more wild west I get.
Stephen: How come your prostitutes are so lippy?
Kendra: Because they're people?
Stephen: DAMMIT THAT'S NO GOOD
Emily: I changed my mind, it's hot in here.
Stephen: I said "lippy."
Kendra: Yeah, you're probably wondering if it makes you a terrible person.
Emily: Photoshoot first, introspection second at best.
Emily: Don't promise a girl objectification and then bail out!
Emily: But seriously what are you doing this for.
Stephen: I'm celebrating the strong women of Clover County!
Emily: In the nude, though?
Stephen: It's the only way most dudes will pay attention.
Kendra: Wait, this is for, like, an exhibition?
Kendra: Screw cheese! If you're exhibiting this shit in public, we get wine at least!
Will this exhibition be in the Uncanny Valley, by any chance?
Stephen: Could you try to look more natural?
Emily: Since my natural is digital, um, no?
I'm sorry your dream isn't coming true, but hey, it's a terrible dream.
Stephen: Hey, no, this is great! The more my project is a failure, the more pictures of nekkid chicks I get to take!
Emily: I have mixed feelings about this.
Emily: Oh, I know! You could have us surrounded by objects that express our personalities!
Stephen: Emily, don't bullshit me. I know you don't have a personality.
Emily: You're a horrible person, I hate you, and it's been a pleasure working with you today, have these coupons.
Stephen: Shh! I'm on the phone with a very important client!
Abigail: You want me to what.
Abigail: I'm coming down there. You can say it to my face.
Kendra: She's gonna disintegrate you.
Stephen: I've been disintegrated before. It ain't so bad.
Stephen: Pity photoshoot?
Kendra: Paid photoshoot.
Stephen: Yeah, you're pretty terrible.
Abigail: Go on, finish up with Madame XXX.
Stephen: Abigail just thought of an awesome nickname for you.
Stephen: For a modest fee we'll tell you what it is.
Kendra: And they call ME a prostitute.
Kendra: I say you keep going with this project.
Stephen: You don't think it's sexist?
Kendra: Of COURSE it's sexist. I'm a madame! Without sexism, I don't even have a job.
Kendra: Keep lowerin' that bar, whitey.
Kendra: Also hot damn that ass!
Abigail: You definitely aren't really asking me to pose nude for you, right? Because I'm having trouble imagining how you could actually be stupider than you look right now.
Stephen: Tell them I died bravely.
Next time: he doesn't.