Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Pine Valley: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217, 218, 219, 220, 221, 222, 223, 224.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.
In which something new happens.
Something interesting? Boy, you don't ask for much do you?
And what a lively household it is!
Armando: I didn't know Emoji did deliveries!
I didn't know monkeys wore clothing!
Armando: I like the apostrophe eyes. That's a nice touch.
...what are you...?
Armando: Target of opportunity!
Repo Man: ACH MY ARM
The Grey Lady of SimCity: You cannot pass!
Repo Man: That's what my first grade teacher told me, and which one of us has since died of old age, I ask you?
Repo Man: I shoulda tracked in some mud. It's those little touches that mark a true professional.
Repo Man: I BET YOU NEVER EVEN WENT TO JAPAN
Repo Man: I'm taking all your duplicate books! And all your duplicate shelves too.
Repo Man: And I'm reappropriating all your cultural appropriation!
Repo Man: Don't worry! This nuclear accelerator is licensed.
Stewart: One of those days, huh.
The Repo Man says: "Steal!"
Noooo! Not Lyndsey's in/out box!
How ever will she act out Dilbert comics now?!
Repo Man: We don't talk about Scott Adams anymore.
Armando: You people have the most uninviting house I've ever seen.
Armando: It's like you mean to restrict entry to just the doors, or something.
Armando: As a professional burglar I find it hard not to be offended.
Armando: Holy shit, it's the Great Treasure Horde of Thror.
Armando: I'm gonna fence this place down to the fences.
Armando: Their shitter is made of fancier material than my dishes.
Armando: Although they do have some nasty water aliasing going on.
Armando: I thought public art galleries didn't have to pay bills...
Armando: Nope, wait, this is definitely a house. There's at least half a dozen possessed toys living here.
Armando: I'm afraid to check and see if those swords are real. I don't want to get all excited over nothing.
Armando: Okay, seriously? Secret agent swords. Maybe picking this place over isn't such a hot idea after all.
Armando: This looks like the kind of crap a dude would think a chick would want.
I do the best I can with what I have, okay.
Armando: Fuck, two bathrooms?! One for shitting and one for pissing, I bet.
Armando: Did these rich people just get Raptured or something?!
Armando: Ugh, that's hideous. Reality is much more cartoonish-looking than that. I can't even make out the individual polygons!
Armando: "I'm sorry we had to sell the ghost ship, but at least we made a few picture frames from its gangplanks!"
Armando: This frame probably cost more than my teeth.
Armando: When you're rich you just get paintings of all the shit you could easily have if you wanted it.
Armando: Big Jetsons fans, are we?
Armando: This Norman Rockwell shit is way out of style.
Armando: Pff. Like you've ever been to Japan.
Armando: Oh, you're one of those people who buys badly repainted "special edition" shit too, huh?
Armando: This is either an original master, or the rich kid equivalent of a fridge painting.
Armando: You could clothe an entire army of blonde bombsells with these drapes!
Armando: You know you're too rich when you can afford to match your frames and your wainscotting.
Armando: ...and when you can afford to buy just any old shit.
Armando: Yep, just like I thought. Professional nobodies.
Armando: Only rich people brag about how good they are at darts.
Armando: What am I saying?! These people aren't rich! Anymore.
Armando: Maybe I ought to raid the wardrobe before I flog it. My clothes are so neighbourhood gen.
Armando: ...those were women's clothes. I feel scandalized.
Armando: Huh. Rich lesbians?
Armando: I don't wanna steal from lesbians, they're usually pretty cool.
Armando: I would love to see a chick in this thing. Hot.
Armando: Oh no! Morality attack!
Upset about selling this family's stuff?
Armando: Upset that I ripped off my fence by so much!
Armando: There, that's the kind of face that doesn't care if his illegal contacts are happy.
Armando: Now to scrub my fingerprints clean.
Sandy: There's a red thing just below the frame and I have got to know what it is.
Sandy: Who's this douchebag?
Armando: Armando Louie, professional thief, at your disposal.
Sandy: Oh, wow! I wouldn't even know what to do with a disposable thief.
Armanda: I'll come straight to the point, madam. Join me as I rip off this ridiculously wealthy and suspiciously absent family, and seal the deal with sweet sweet consensual coitus.
Armando: Okay, so first, let me teach you about fencing.
Sandy: Ooh, swordfighting!
Armando: I can see this is gonna take a while.
Armando: Why is that bus stopping?
Lyndsey: The parrot says "Whatchadoin'?"
Lyndsey: The report card says "Lacks basic linguistic skills."
Sandy: Where the heck did these little freaks come from?
Lance: This is our house?
Armando: I dislike them already.
Armando: Where are your parents?
Lyndsey: The Slowpoke says "Unhh?"
Armando: And what the fuck is wrong with you?
Lance: My sister only speaks Speak n' Spell. Lately she's branched out to Pokémon cries; so far we're on Gen 2, and the second season of the animé.
Lyndsey: The Hoothoot says "Hooo?"
Armando: Are you asking me who I am?
Lyndsey: The Starmie says "Yah!"
Armando: What the fuck is a Starmie?
Lyndsey: The Hawlucha says "Haw!"
Sandy: Do your parents know where you are?
Lance: I dunno. We can ask them, but you're gonna need to supply the Ouija board.
Lyndsey: The Onix says "RAAAAWRRRWAAWWRRR"
Armando: You and what army, kid?
Lance: If you're trying to get rid of us this is a good strategy.
Sandy: I kissed a boy, and I liked it!
Lance: Lyndsey, go get the gun we stole from Mayhew!
Lyndsey: The Slowpoke says "Unhh?"
Lance: DON'T TELL ME YOU LEFT IT AT SCHOOL
Armando: These little shits aren't gonna give us any trouble. But we need new secret identities if we're gonna live here!
Sandy: I've always wanted to be a cute French girl!
Armando: Well, that's dumb, but okay...
Sandy: I am Jizelle Nouveaux, a viseeting jolie femme from gay SimParis!
Armando: How 'bout that gun, kids?
Lyndsey: The Misdreavus says "Awoooooooooh!"
Lance: That's not even close.
Armando: Okay, time to use your people words, honey.
Jizelle: Oh mon ami, zeez clothings are trés chic!
Lance: And now we have fake parents. JUST WHEN WE GOT RID OF THE REAL ONES TOO.
Jizelle: Oui oui!
Emily: Who's that French-lookin' chick?
Lance: It's a good thing we have auntie Ember on speed-dial, her number is unlisted. Rock stars think they're special.
Jizelle: Oh, mine corazon!
That's Spanish. And you're missing an accent.
Jizelle: I am meessing more than the one accent...
Lance: Hi Auntie Em. Can you please come save us from the wicked townies of the west?
Lance: CURSE THIS DIMINUTIVE FRAME
Can't get her to take you seriously?
Lance: WHY WON'T SHE BELIEVE THAT HOBOS INVADED OUR HOUSE
Lance: And also she was all like "we're not even fucking related, kid." What a bitch!
Armando: And that's how you don't talk like a retard.
Armando: But don't use that word. It's mean.
Lyndsey: The retard says-
No, he's right, that's mean.
Armando: I might be a thief, but I'm no enemy of the mentally-handicapped.
Lyndsey: .oO(The parrot says) Hello!
I don't know this kid's name, and it's 3:33 in the morning, so I'm not looking it up.
She therefore gets no dialogue.
Lyndsey: .oO(The wind says) Sigh.
What? WHAT? I put a lot of effort into this chapter already, fuck off.
Armando: More like fuck on!
Jizelle: What was zat?
Armando: The regretful sound of us not yet making looooove.
Armando: On all their furniture.
Jizelle: Oh mon beau, you know all zee right tings to zay.
Next time: more of zis.
More of THIS.