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Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217, 218, 219, 220, 221, 222, 223, 224, 225, 226, 227, 228, 229, 230, 231, 232, 233, 234, 235, 236, 237, 238, 239.
Sharpesvale: 737.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.

I've wanted to get to this for years.

I didn't mean to take so long to get to it, though...




William: I CAN SEE WHY YOU'D LOOK FORWARD TO THIS



Joe: ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE INSIDE



William: EVERYONE WHO IS NOT ON FIRE SHOULD LEAVE



Noah: MY PERSONAL SPACE!



Kelly: I CAN'T SEE A THING
Theresa: I THINK I'M ON FIRE
Joe: You guys are so cool.



William: Dammit Annie, are you fire retardant retardant or something?



Kacper: Where's the fire?



Kacper: Is it over there?



William: YOU HAVE AN EXTINGUISHER TOO YOU KNOW



Victor: I SENSE THAT MY CONTROL OF THE SITUATION IS WEAK



Stephen: Oh hey! Hi Stewart! :D



Kacper: Good thing fire clips through walls.

Yeah, good thing.

Not at all an aesthetic nightmare.



Kacper: Oh, wow! You got a pretty good one going here.



William: RETARD THE FIRE



Kacper is definitely a fire retard.



Karina: Are we winning? I can't tell.



I'm gonna have to go with maybe.



You know, I never realized I could call this the courtcourtyard.

And now it's on fire.



William: THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE LADIES!



Rosemarie: UMM WE HAVE A PROBLEM



Just the one?



Corey: HOLD ME



William: DAMMIT DAMMIT NO



Dagmar: I'm the mayor.



Noah: CASE DISMISSED



Phoenix Mendoza: You're not on fire. The door is right there. Follow the mullet man.

Do you know the mullet man?

Theresa: The mullet man?

The mullet man.



You do realize that every second you're in here is a separate heart attack for me, right?



Grimmy is crawling on the floor so he can see.



Dagmar: ...William?!
William: BUSY RIGHT NOW DAGS



Theresa: COREY THE CHIEF IS HERE
Corey: THE CHIEF WILL SAVE US
William: I'M NOT YOUR DAMN CHIEF ANYMORE



Noah: Yes! Everyone save me first! This is CORRECT.



The Grim Reaper: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE ANNIE BEAR TO YOU?



Stephen: It's her. I'd know the way she stands there and does nothing anywhere.



Dagmar: ARE YOU SERIOUS.



Noah: THE DESK FOOL SAVE THE DESK



Amin: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON



William: HIDE IN THE BATHROOM!
Kelly: I CAN'T IT'S THE MEN'S!



Karina: WILLIAM SHARPE SPRAYED HIS WHITE FOAM ALL OVER ME AND I'M SAVED



Phoenix: Didn't you make a joke like that already?

Yeah, about TWO HUNDRED CHAPTERS AGO.

What goes around fucking COMES around.



The Psychiatrist: Hey, you guys know this place is on fire?



Kacper: OH NO THE POLICE CHIEF IS ON FIRE
Stewart: NOT THE POLICE CHIEF!
Victor: EVERYBODY SAVE THE POLICE CHIEF!
William: LITTLE HELP IN HERE?!



William: HACK KAFF
Corey: I'M GONNA GO HELP THEM



Corey: WHERE THERE IS COINCIDENTALLY LESS FIRE



Yeah, it IS crazy.



Corey: OH NOOOOOOOOOO



Geoffrey: HEY! YOU'RE BLOCKING THE FUN!



William: I think this might be it for me.

You are WILLIAM FUCKING SHARPE and you are FUCKING FIREPROOF MAGIC



Kelly: FLUUUUGHHGHGHGGHGGHH



Andrzej: Those lips have caressed my penis.



Phoenix: We have some spare lawyers, right?

I can't decide if Phoenix is the perfect name for a firefighter or a terrible name for a firefighter.

It would be a great name for a lawyer, at the moment...



Karina: Looks like it's promotions all 'round at the DA's office.



Kacper: SHOO



Theresa: How the fuck are you still alive, William?



William: It's a big fire, I'll grant you, but it's no fucking apocalypse.



Amin: NO CRIES NO SMELLS NO NOTHIN'



Victor: MAYBE DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO THE BURNING BUILDING



Victor: YOU IDIOTS



...

The Grim Reaper: WHAT? TOO MUCH?



Kacper: Did we get everyone?
William: No, but I did.



Noah: Buck up lad! I'll write you a standard recommendation!



Noah: ...assuming you didn't let my desk burn to cinders.



The Grim Reaper: GOOD MATCH, BUDDY. I THINK YOU WON. YOU KNOW. OVERALL.



Noah: JANITORS ON THE DOUBLE
William: Oh good, Noah survived.



Phoenix: I think all the walls are retarded now.



Dagmar: That's right, you stay over there.



Noah: Oh good, someone died. I was thinking someone had better.



Victor: Alright, let's frame the shot. Heroic return in three... two... one...



William: Sweet SimChrist, Victor! Did you shit yourself?



Dagmar: My hero.



William: I saved the day.



Dagmar: You certainly did.



The Grim Reaper: ABOUT THAT APPOINTMENT YOU KEEP DODGING
Noah: Well can you BLAME me?!



Theresa: You guys did a pretty good job!
Kacper: Yeah! Except for all those people who died.



NOBODY PANIC

I saved once the fire was out.



Victor: Look, I-
Dagmar: IT SMELLS WORSE WHEN YOU TALK



Phoenix: Should have let the judge burn.

Yep.



William: You alright, Coldy?
Noah: Not feeling too cold right now, I can tell you.



William: OH HI THERE



Noah: I was very disappointed with the service here today.



William: Wow, Victor! Who dropped a load on you?



Noah: You! Complimentary hoor! With me.



The Grim Reaper: I HATE HAVING TO RESORT TO DENTAL RECORDS.



Well, I can help you identify the tree.



William: I'm beginning to think I might be immortal.
Victor: Perish the thought.



Dagmar: Running into that fire was very brave.
William: I suspect history will echo that opinion.



Dagmar: Your humility is an example to us all.
William: I'm not trying to be humble, I'm trying to pick you up.



William: Wanna see if my office has any damage, and if it doesn't, inflict some?



William: It's all bought and paid for, thanks to the taxpayer.



Victor: Don't you ever get sick of winning, Sharpe?
William: You'd know how great it is if you'd ever tried it, Cwiky.



William: Speaking of quickies!



William: Eh?



Theresa: You pig! You filthy, ash-covered pig!



William: Some thanks that is for saving your life. And getting covered in ashes that probably used to be lawyer.



William: I'm glad I'm not her boss anymore.



Dagmar: Technically you're everyone's boss now!
William: HAHAHA that would be hilarious.



Geoffrey: You're probably wondering why I called you all here today.



William: Do you ever come face-to-face with your own mortality and realize you might not have it?



Dagmar: As a townie? Hmm, let me think about that for a second.



Dagmar: Wait, wait. As a mayor who was the deputy mayor before her boss got creamed by a car driven by playables... hmm.



Dagmar: Nope, it's definitely just you.



William: I thought I was making a heroic sacrifice today. Is it weird to be a tiny bit bummed out that I was wrong?



Dagmar: You're alright, asshole.



William: Right now I'm actually feeling it! Alright, that is. Not an asshole.



William: I'm not feeling an asshole.
Dagmar: Seriously though, we should get you off the street before your nervous system realizes what you just did.



Emmy: DID YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH ALL THESE ASH PILES?!



William: I DON'T EVEN CLEARLY REMEMBER YOU



William: Man, the staff here are so bitchy!



Troy: Pfff. I think I'd have noticed if a bomb had gone off behind me!



Dagmar: Wow, this place is pretty spiffy.
William: I specifically asked for lots of spiff.



Dagmar: I didn't see any secretaries in the outer office.
William: They have standing orders to scurry away when they see me coming.



William: Wow, you even look good in unforgiving light!
Dagmar: Thanks?



William: Is the femme fatale look popular for mayors?
Dagmar: When the governor is a ladykiller, you've gotta be prepared to kill him right back!



William: Well, you are killin' it, your worship.



Dagmar: Is that a new desk?



Dagmar: Maybe you should break it in.



Margaret: Haha fat squirrel



Margaret: OH NO ITS A FART SQUIRREL

I stole that joke from the internet.



William: Now I see why they worship you.



Chloe: HOW FUCKIN' STUPID-
Geoffrey: I know
Chloe: DO YOU HAVE TO BE-
Geoffrey: I KNOW
Chloe: TO BE A SKUNK'S SECOND VICTIM?!



William: Honey, you light up the world. With hotness.



William: Honey, light the world back up please.



William: HAHAHA RANDOM GOSSIP



William: ABOUT A CHICK YOU DON'T KNOW



William: And I'm not sure where I heard it?



Dagmar: Meaningful?!



I know it's unreasonable, but I don't feel comforted when I see a man with a flying broom who has to wear glasses.

...

Three hours after writing that I'm wondering how I didn't think of Harry fucking Potter.



Venkat: WHAT ARE THE ODDS IT WOULD HAPPEN THREE TIMES?!



One more and I think I have to make Stinky Skunk the main character.



I think it was about this point where I thought "Yeah, I really should find a fix for this game."



Dagmar: I don't know what's real anymore.
William: You need an emergency sexual intervention to set your dimensional compass straight!



Emmy: I like you. Therefore I like this building.



Geoffrey: HELP



Ryan: HELP



SERIOUSLY PEOPLE



Anthony: Yup yup, that prostitute I done fucked 'er!



Dagmar: So... do you think they were bombing Rosemarie's trial specifically? Because she doesn't even seem important enough to warrant a water balloon.



William: I had a really hard day, Dagmar. If we talk shop much more I'm gonna need some serious sexual healing.



Dagmar: Your single-mindedness is pretty sexy, gotta say!
William: And you're a damn fine woman, even though women have like ten minds. Each.



William: I should warn you, I probably can't bend over far enough to put you down on the floor.



Dagmar: So put me somewhere else.



Dagmar: Good choice!



Dagmar: Oh holy SHIT.
William: Your first time with Captain Sparkles is gonna involve a lot of cursing. Get it all out.



Dagmar: Fuck fuck FUCK
William: As you command!



William: Yeah baby! Sex my thing with your hole!



Anthony: Back when I done run that factory back in Texas...
Venkat: Who are you?



Emmy: I like dogs!



Emmy: Just hold me.



The Grim Reaper: DON'T TELL BUNNY



Mrs. Crumplebottom: Back in MY day, a fire wasn't NOTHING if it didn't take AT LEAST ten city blocks with it.



William: Okay, we need to stop now or keep going forever.



Dagmar: You can stop thrusting now.
William: Can I, though?



William: I have no idea whose books these are.
Dagmar: Read one, then. I need to catch my BREATH.



William: I'll catch it for you!



William: I need to lie down.
Dagmar: On the couch, you mean?



William: No.



Dagmar: I'm sorry I told you to stop thrusting.



Dagmar: I dunno about kissing, though. I'm still breathing pretty heavily.



William: So breathe through my ears.



Dagmar: Okay.



Marking their territory.



Dagmar: Is this what they call de-flowering?



William: No, de-flowering will come after, when you pull a couple of daisies out your-

BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

William: -and don't forget the stems.



William: I am a rich, rich man.



Dagmar: Yeah, I'd say he has an endowment alright.



Dagmar: Resilient little buggers aren't they.



Dagmar: We should get out of here before somebody sees us!
William: Why? I thought the people like governmental transparency!



Dagmar: I orgasmed fourteen times.



Dagmar: FOURTEEN TIMES



Ian: Phew! Who died in here?!



Dagmar: Fifteen.



William: Carry on, Madame Mayor.
Dagmar: As you say, Governor.



Dagmar: yousexyfuckinbitch



GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE



Dagmar: See you at work!
William: That's one theory!



William: I tend to take my work home with me.



Dagmar: Things are looking bright up ahead!

Yeah, but look forward.



Dagmar: Oh.



It's all a matter of perspective.

Next time: a new year!

What could go wrong.

Recent Posts from This Journal

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
porkwithbones
Mar. 24th, 2017 05:39 pm (UTC)
Kacper: SHOO

I think this pic, the firefighter shooing Grimmy with his fire extinguisher, is my favorite of this update.

But my favorite line is the one about being flame retardant retardant.

I am conflicted.
gruglysims
Mar. 26th, 2017 10:15 pm (UTC)
That pic is possibly my favourite pic EVER.
lumy12
Apr. 19th, 2017 04:25 am (UTC)
Oh good, no Dallas "it was all just a dream" treatment with these crashes then! And yay William survived (if he hadn't, would you have forced a crash/do-over? bwahaha) Dang, Grimmy must be worn out. I wonder who all those ash piles are? Do we get a casualty list?

And yeah DUH Harry Potter! Hee! I was thinking I'd have to comment on that but then you remedied it so quickly.
gruglysims
Jul. 18th, 2017 08:13 am (UTC)
In defense of Dallas, they dream-retconned some stupid shit out of existence. Even by their standards.

I try to let my heroes and villains succeed or fail without too much Makerly interference. It's a testament to their archetypes that they usually succeed. The final battle years from now is a triumph.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )