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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 249


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217, 218, 219, 220, 221, 222, 223, 224, 225, 226, 227, 228, 229, 230, 231, 232, 233, 234, 235, 236, 237, 238, 239, 240, 241, 242, 243, 244, 245, 246, 247, 248.
Sharpesvale: 737.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.

In which a baby makes a match.

Sort of.

But not really.




Yep.

Still.



Stephen: Hey Jerome, is Carolina there? Why? Well, I'd tell you! IF YOU WERE CAROLINA.



Stephen: Oh, hey, Carolina! Ahem, just let me get my best PSA voice going.



Stephen: It's 7:48 PM. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE



Stephen: ...yes, okay, William was awesome. Are you even listening to me?



Stephen: WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT FUCKING BOMB



Stephen: Mhmm... he's brave... mhmm... he's hot... mhmm... mhmm...



Stephen: Mhmm YOUR BABY'S ON MY SIDEWALK



Carolina: ...so she is.



Carolina: I am platonically pleased with you.
Stephen: I respect you as an independent woman.



Stephen: And I want to bang you.



Carolina: Okay, look. I'm not going to have sex with you.
Stephen: That is the most depressing sentence containing the word "sex" anyone's ever spoken to me.



Carolina: Please don't tell Jerome our baby got outside somehow which is ridiculous



Stephen: .oO(Fucking non-cheaters.)



Carolina: Your circumspection is very much appreciated.
Stephen: Are you talking about my penis?!



Stephen: That was a joke. I have a huge vocabulary. Among other things.



Carolina: So you promise you won't tell anybody?
Stephen: Well gee, I was gonna blackmail you, but since you asked nicely...



Stephen: That was a JOKE. Geez, woman.



Stephen: Alright, go home before I have to hit on you.



Stephen: You have literally seconds.



Stephen: Or maybe baby could take herself home and give the adults some quality time?



Stephen: Eh?



Carolina: Goodnight Stephen.



Stephen: Forget something?
Carolina: Yes, I did - where were we?



Stephen: Right about here, I think.



Carolina: Nope, wait, can't do it.
Stephen: Well I certainly appreciate the blue balls, couldn't get 'em on my own.



Carolina: I'm trying to show my appreciation! But I'm a married woman.
Stephen: Married appreciation is my favourite appreciation!



Carolina: I could pose for one of those photos!
Stephen: They are nude photos.
Carolina: ...what?



Carolina: You're photographing the whole Valley in the nude?!
Stephen: Why does everyone keep saying that? I'm not a pervert! Just the women.



Carolina: It's been such a good day, I almost feel like making it a bad night.



Carolina: Do you think Jerome would mind?
Stephen: Naw! He'd lose his mind.



Carolina: I don't want to mess my marriage up.
Stephen: Then why even have one?



Carolina: I don't want to be a repeat of what happened to Penny.
Stephen: I am what happened to Penny. Partly.



Stephen: Your baby is here again.



Carolina: ...



Stephen: What's this for?
Carolina: Being the least-corruptible corrupt person I've known.



Carolina: Okay, that's less than charming.



Stephen: What? It's not like I'm saying they're bad tits!



Stephen: Look. How 'bout we swing by my studio, and if you're feeling artistic, then fine, and if you're not I'll listen to your boring teacher stories.



Carolina: You're some man, Stephen.
Stephen: Don't be mean.



Stephen: Esther can't come.



Carolina: Okay, I padlocked her door.



Carolina: Where's your studio?
Stephen: Take one step backwards.



Stephen: Yep. Everywhere is one lot-boundary away from everywhere else.
Carolina: Art! Pushing the boundaries of the known.



Carolina: What's the matter?
Stephen: I feel like I'm taking advantage of you.
Carolina: If you tried, I'd kick your ass.



Carolina: NOW what's the problem?
Stephen: I don't want my ass kicked.



Carolina: How do you know until you try?



Stephen: Okay, here's the thing. My pictures are supposed to say something about their subjects.
Carolina: "This woman is willing to take her clothes off."
Stephen: Yeah, okay, that part is just porn.



Stephen: But porn is art! DON'T YOU WANNA BE ARTISTIC?!



Carolina: You're looking at my breasts again.



Carolina: Alright, I'll go along with you.
Stephen: You will?
Carolina: Just so we're clear, I was a recess monitor until recently. You try anything funny and I'll go monkey bar ninja on you.



Stephen: Kinky.



Carolina: Okay, turn around.
Stephen: But... I'm gonna see you when I take the picture, right?
Carolina: ...shoot.



Stephen: I can't shoot until you-
Carolina: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT



Stephen: You gonna do it?
Carolina: I'm gonna do it.
Stephen: You gonna do it?
Carolina: You think I'm gonna do it?
Stephen: I think you're gonna do it!



Stephen: Well holy shit, she did it.



Carolina: Like my cleverly-placed hair?
Stephen: You must not see well without those glasses, 'cuz it's not as cleverly-placed as you think.



Count Alon: Bleh!
Stephen: He doesn't mean it.



Stephen: You. Back off my threshold.



Count Alon: But it looks fun in here!



Oh good lord what's happening.



Stephen: Ignore the process, appreciate the product.



Stephen: It's definitely you, don't you think?
Carolina: It might not even get me fired!



Carolina: I'm impressed, Stephen! You were very professional and you're looking at my breasts again.



Carolina: If I pull you in closer, you'll have to crane your neck.



Stephen: I admire your self-control.
Carolina: Don't oversell yourself.



Carolina: Anyway, what self-control?



Stephen: Forget I said anything.



Carolina: Still need to lose some of the baby fat.
Stephen: You could stand to keep some of it, actually.



Stephen: Anyway, your secret's safe with me.
Carolina: What secret is that?
Stephen: That you're a Harlequin Romance novel waiting for a writer.



Carolina: Teehee. I totally just cheated on my husband.
Stephen: It's cute that you think so.



Carolina: You don't consider that cheating?
Stephen: Well yeah, but, like, if you take a standard Valley resident and look at their cheating graph, a chaste kiss in the nude doesn't even register.



Stephen: I cheated on Abigail so bad she nearly grew horns.



Segue.



Stephen: Alright naughty girl, closing time.



Stephen: Fucking hell.



No!

You have enough wives.



Stephen: Enough is not a real number.



Stephen: Hey bosslady! You goin' my way?
Dagmar: Unintentionally!



Stephen: Why'd you stop? It's all awkward now.



Dagmar: Mister, it was all awkward already.



Stephen: Did you know I was dead once?
Dagmar: So?
Stephen: When you come back from that you don't get a new lease on life, you buy.



Dagmar: By which you mean, you have a lot of sex.
Stephen: You make it sound so selfish! The women get to have sex too.



Dagmar: You must have done something stupid to lose the hottest woman in the Valley.
Stephen: Yes! I died! Was I not clear enough?



Asia: Oh, Mr. Murphy...
Dagmar: Aren't you a little young to be out this late?
Asia: I'm-
Stephen: SHE'S EIGHTY-FOUR. ALL THE TEENAGES ARE EIGHTY-FOUR.



Stephen: And YOU are NINETY-NINE, just like ME. Happy Centennial, Dagmar!



Dagmar: At least I'll never have to tell you my age!



Dagmar: Where did you get that turtleneck? It's money!
Stephen: It's so hot that you think that term is contemporary.



Stephen: Think you could take me on a tour of your constituency, your worship?
Dagmar: Only if you promise to worship me.



Stephen: Back to my place?
Dagmar: Nah, let's go to the next chapter instead.

Next time: yeah, that.

Tags: clover county chronicles, ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sims, sims 2
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