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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 252


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


Clever introduction!




The "Family" bit is sounding more and more sarcastic.



Sullivan: Fuck off and let me shit.

Okay.



Nathaniel: Anything good on?
Uma: All these movies are like forty years old.



Victor: No loitering!



Victor: And no tickling!



Uma: Wow! Back when I was... um...

Back when you were first a teenager, I guess?

Uma: No, that doesn't work because I've always been a teenager.

Um...

Uma: I've forgotten what I was gonna say anyway.



Uma: Tough crowd.



Uma: Do you think we're allowed to talk during the film?
Nathaniel: Only if there's no justice in the world.



Nathaniel: This isn't 1080p.



Noelle! You're old.

Noelle: Andrew took me with him.



Nathaniel: Did you guys hear about what the governor did?
Victor: Is this topic of conversation literally inescapable?!



Nathaniel: Any chance you could scooch your ass over?
Veronica: No, but thanks for asking!



Uma: This theatre isn't worthy of my dress.



Nathaniel: Is this place expensive?
Uma: Only if you want the date to go well.



Nathaniel: Eyes off, dude.



Uma: Table for two, please!
Shea: That is literally the only kind of table we have.



Nathaniel's favourite food is plops.



Venkat: Alvin, it's you from the future!
Alvin: !!!
Venkat: I have to warn you! In my day the sun is bright enough to tan your skin one shade darker! Which isn't really a problem so I don't know why I'm telling you.



Uma: It feels really awkward having my back to the place.

You try making a one-tile restaurant then.



Esther: You guys hear about that new Nintendo console? So cool!

Yeah! It's portable and everything!

Esther: Yeah! And the 3D is incredible!

...

...oh. Right. It's still 2011 in the Valley.



Nathaniel: I want... I dunno, what was the pic of? Let's say different kinds of liver.
Uma: And I'll have anything but that.



Alvin: Who invents the time machine? Is it me? It's me though, right?!
Venkat: I was just fucking with you.
Alvin: When do I develop such a sophisticated sense of humour?!?!



Esther: Here's your brown stuff.



Alvin: I think you should go back to the future.



Uma: Don't act so civilized, Nathaniel. Live a little.



Uma: Just kidding.



I don't know which issue to comment on first.



Uma: I've got a surprise for you!
Esther: Is it that you're in my way? Because I noticed.



Uma: Watch closely!
Nathaniel: I am!
Uma: My hands, not my breasts.



Uma: Tada!
Shea: Good lord.



Nathaniel: Ow! It's awesome! Ow! What is it?



Uma: Don't hold it by the thorns.
Nathaniel: It's all thorns! Ow! It smells awesome! Ow!



Nathaniel: Did you bring Band-Aids too?



Venkat: He fell for it.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Did you get the investment money?
Venkat: Yeah, but he postdated it to the thirty-first century.



I'm glad somebody's using this awesome place I made.



Nathaniel: I'm not much of a dancer...
Uma: That's why the lights are so low.



Uma: Shall we?
DJ: Hey! Two chicks!



Uma: Don't look at your feet!
Nathaniel: I'm not.



Ember: Phew. The stench of embarassment is tremendous.



Nathaniel: LOOK AT THIS LOSER
Uma: PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY



Nathaniel: No! No gateway hugs!



Uma: Get out of the girls' washroom ya freakin' weirdo.



Ember: Compliment her eyes.
Nathaniel: I don't even know what they look like!
Ember: She'll be astonished, trust me.



Dance like it owes you money.



Uma: That's a lovely jacket, Nathaniel!
Nathaniel: I didn't get to pick it.
Uma: Which is no doubt why it's lovely!



Nathaniel: Your eyes are probably pretty.



Ember: Good work! Kicky bag is first base!



Ember: BOO YOU SUCK AT FIRST BASE



Uma: You! Random nobody. If this date doesn't improve in less than five minutes, we're fucking.



Uma: The clock is ticking, kid. Fuckstick here is waiting in the wings!



Nathaniel: Your clothes! They fit your body.
Justus: I'm gonna go find the wings, and wait in them.



SKLURCH



Nathaniel: You might have noticed that I didn't die there.
Uma: B-list invulnerability! That's pretty attractive.



Uma: You do have a sort of endearing, hamster-like aesthetic going on.



Ember!

Is pillow fighting second base or third?



In any case, strike one.



Uma: Just because I tried to do that exact same hug to him doesn't mean I want it done to me.

Very sensible.



Nathaniel: I was wondering...
Uma: Yes?
Nathaniel: ...sorry, I don't remember. That dress, Jesus.



Nathaniel: It is a very close fit.
Uma: It had better be! I've spent eighty-four years waiting to use it.



Uma: Stop staring at my tits! They're barely there.



Uma: Alright, it was nice getting some air. You wanna go back in?
Nathaniel: Stop asking me questions and just give me the correct orders.



Uma: I like the cut of your jib, sailor.



Look, I know you're an ex-townie, but Nathaniel is still way below your league.

Uma: I know! He's in what I like to call the Manipulation Zone.



Uma: Nathaniel! Drink.
Nathaniel: Mom said not to.
Uma: And now she's in jail. Coincidence?



Ember: Good work, kid! Women love whipped men!
Nathaniel: Thanks grandma.
Ember: HEY.
Nathaniel: You literally are my grandmother.



Uma: You look very attractive surrounded by these idiots.



Nathaniel: You look fantastic when the mood lighting manipulates my emotions!



Ryan: I WANT TO SEE YOU MELT TOGETHER
Deborah: Go easy on the sauce there, Ryan.



Uma: Hahahaha what is this thing.



Nathaniel: A girl is touching me.



Cristopher Thomason: OH MY GOD SCHOOL AND SCHOOL STUFF
Blair Sell: WE'RE SO COOL



Blair: I ONCE SAW A DUDE WHO KNEW A GUY WHO KISSED A GIRL



Uma: Did you hire these people to make you look good?
Nathaniel: They offer a free trial period.



Nathaniel: Is it working?
Uma: As long as I don't look directly at you it is.



Ember: That'll do, kid. That'll do.
Nathaniel: Like hell it will.



Uma: The kid is getting ideas.

It's okay, there's nowhere in his brain to store them.



The Unsavoury Charlatan: Fifteen simoleons an hour, and that's my final offer.



Uma: ...I think a man just tried to purchase me.
Nathaniel: It sounded more like a contract position.



Uma: Come on. I don't want to get into any position with Snidely Whiplash.



Nathaniel: I don't get that reference.



Nathaniel: Is that marijuana?



Tucker: Yo ho!
Uma: Did that guy just call me a ho?!



Alvin: Ho-ly.
Uma: I art not a ho!



Yes, the only way to move past that awful joke is to skip its aftermath.



Nathaniel: We need some bump mapping up in this shiz.



Uma: Aw, don't be shy!
Nathaniel: Not shy scared of pirates



Uma: Well this booty is all yours tonight, cap'n.



Nathaniel: Did you just make a terrible pirate joke for me?!
Uma: See how much I like you?!



Yes, perfect.

Very natural.



Uma: Why do you keep closing your eyes?
Nathaniel: Because they keep making shit up, like sexy girls dancing with me.



Uma: Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous.



Nathaniel: Why do you keep doing that? Do I have lint or something?



Nathaniel: Look at Miss Vacuum Cleaner over here.



Gavin: Now! Attack, my pretties!



Luckily Gavin has no pretties.

Nathaniel: I do.



Alvin: Alvin Woodrow! I worked with your brother.
Stewart: I can't wait to hear how that's relevant to me.



Shane: I'm going to poop!



Chris: OH MY GOD THAT MAN'S POOPING!



Nathaniel: You take me to the best places.



Nathaniel: Aww! And you don't even know where these hands have been!





It would be such a shame if this state were to be, say, struck by a meteorite.



Shane: Dude! AWESOME young Venkat Hogan costume!



And now everybody wants to poop.



Uma: That is a really compelling cue to leave.



Uma: Wanna come back to my place?
Nathaniel: That's an option?! Cut to the chase next time!



Uma: Pff. Like I'd pick the same dude twice.



Nathaniel: I didn't see the marijuana. Where was the marijuana?!

Next time: not marijuana.

In fact, never marijuana.

Sorry?

You're welcome?

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jul. 8th, 2017 02:27 am (UTC)
SimTitanic poster! Gasp! Me want!

Yay pirate humor :)

What happened to Justus? He still waiting?

Nathaniel's pretty cute, really. Better than those other losers there. I was kinda hoping to see a meteorite hit after you said that...
gruglysims
Jul. 18th, 2017 07:59 am (UTC)
I can't find those damn posters anywhere.

There is no Justus in the universe, so I don't know what you're talking about.

Meteorites take a while to show up. Nathaniels take a while to become relevant. As in, maybe he still hasn't.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )