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Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


Twelve more chapters until thing!

It is a good thing.




I'm hard-pressed to make up one joke for these things, much less three.

See?



Look, it's one-third of the police chiefs!

Nerissa: Nothing to see here!

Ain't that the truth.

Nerissa: Hey.



Uma: Why do you keep saying "ow"?
Nathaniel: Because I keep pinching myself.



Uma: Yeah, I can see why that would be a thing.



Nathaniel: What's down here? A super-sexy sex lounge?!
Uma: Uh, yeah!



Oh!

Okay!



Uma: What is happening.



Nathaniel: Let us never speak of it again.



Victor: What stinks like vagina?
Neila: Like you don't know, mister leftovers-for-breakfast.



William: Come on, hurry up! Death is an ever-encroaching reality!



Anthony: Marvellous parenting skills, sir!



Nathaniel: Why does the richest family in the neighbourhood have an unfinished basement?
Uma: Because you can't hide bodies in a finished basement! Duh!



Nathaniel: I'm not touching you!
Uma: I'm not touching you either!



Personally I try not to close my eyes around barbed wire.



The teens in this game get up to a lot more grab-ass and a lot less Super Nintendo than I did.



Nathaniel: Your chest is doing weird things.
Uma: Well if you'd stop encouraging it by staring...



Nathaniel: I think I can manage that for at least five seconds.



Nathaniel: ...nope.



Brandi: I thought we were soul mates, Sully!
Sullivan: Don't be ridiculous! Women don't have souls.



Nathaniel: Is this what "fingering" means?



Brandi: How are your boobs still firm?! Mine are like fuckin' oatmeal!



Kiss kiss yawn yawn.



Uma: Well. We can probably find something more interesting to do, then.



Uma: Hey Bill!
William: Hey Uma! Your name doesn't shorten.



Uma: I wouldn't go to your bedroom in the next hour or so, 'k?



Nathaniel: Please don't look too deeply into this.
William: Ew.



I assume you have a plan of some sort?

Uma: Oh, such a plan!



Uma: I am naked!
Nathaniel: Yes you are!



Uma: Let us fuck.



Nathaniel: Who you callin' "lettuce fuck"?



Nathaniel: I'm sorry, please still sex me.



Nathaniel: This has... obstacle course vibes.



Nathaniel: I guess I could use the exercise.



Nathaniel: I only hope I can reach.

Your hands are on her hips.

Nathaniel: ...not necessarily talking about my hands.



SPLAT

Sorry, I hijacked a bird to get this perspective and flew in too close.



I like how Sims swim like they're looking for a warm spot.



Nathaniel: Got your warm spot right here!



It looks like he's missing your vagina.

Uma: That's just the painted one. He's hitting the real one just fine.



I want no part of this.



Brandi: You think you can schmooze me after what you just said?
Sullivan: But you do smell like eggplant farts!



Brandi: On second thought that's pretty tame compared to your usual.



Uma: Yeah, I think that's a wrap.



Women know what this means.



Uma: ♪ I'm gonna wash that man right out of my cooch! ♪



Anthony: This thing is gross please eat it



WHAT ARE YOU DOING



Brandi: Feed it to me piece by piece!



Anthony: I'm paralyzed with revulsion.



Uma: That didn't tide me over for long.

Are you not gonna comment on the-

Uma: DEFINITELY NOT.



William: This is an insane question, but did my butler leave my son in here with you?



William: This must be why most people don't even have a zombie closet.



Giving a massage?

Sullivan: Creating artificial tanlines by rubbing her dress into her rotten skin.

Oh.

That was gonna be my third guess.



Ugh.

Sullivan: Don't be such a prude. One kiss can really take you places!



Sullivan: See?



HOW IS THAT HELPING



Melanie: How...?
Sullivan: Turns out the door wasn't locked?



Melanie: Aha! There he is, the ol' brain-head!



William Jr. .oO(BACK UP BACK UP)



Brandi: CAREFUL IT'LL COME OFF



William: THIS IS SO WRONG AND HOT AND WRONG



Melanie: I wonder how heirs taste.



Please, nobody talk about taste right now.



William: What? What do you actually want. You want a date? You want a fuck? You want to eat half the neighbourhood again? What can I do to make you lose that stupid bitchface.



William: It's not like I ate your parents! Twice!



Elle hates polymorphs.

Which makes sense, since someone turned her head into a cow's head.



Melanie: I thought I could take over the world. You know, on a county-by-county basis.



William: What would you do with it if you had it? You don't know anything about politics or economics.
Melanie: Well! Neither does Donald Trump!



Sullivan: Maybe this will take the taste of zombie out of my mouth.



Sullivan: Hey hey hey! That is one sexy window you've got there!
Brandi: Well hello there pool table!



Brandi: Is this good? Did that help?



Brandi: I don't think it's going away.



Brandi: I wish they had a dog so we could blame it on him.



Sullivan: Oh god THESE tired characters.
Brandi: You'd think we'd have something new by the two-hundred-and-fifty-third chapter.



Melanie: I think the main flaw of my plans was all the friends I had implementing them for me.



Yeah, I feel that way when I look at her too.



That's right, show off your best feature! It's good practice for the trial.



Melanie: The problem with you is that you're a sore winner.



William: No, the problem with me is you.



Melanie: Fair enough.



meanwhile attics



Melanie: Do they still flavour this stuff? All my buds are toast.



Melanie: I still love that brisk, peppy texture though!
William: That's actually because your lungs and your throat have fused into one big tube.





Brandi: ...what?



Brandi: I didn't say stop!



Melanie: I can't quit you!

That's up to the courts to decide now, thanks.



William: Come pick the animals up.



William: Yes, I know how late it is! I also know you don't have a house or a life.



William: Uppity townies.



Victor: You're not my mom.
Daisy: And I'm thankful every day for it.



Jane: What do you think he's got in his mailbox?
Kenya: Unopened fan mail and about fifteen pipe bombs.



Jane: I should know better than to play that game with a superhero.
Kenya: X-ray vision is all well and good until you notice that half your friends have inoperable diseases and the other half have tumours from your x-ray vision.



I guess Nathaniel went home at some point.

If you care. Do you care? I don't care.



What is this, a strike march? Go inside.



Brandi: My very own escort! What escort service hires such ugly women, though?



Brandi: Want me to say hi to your dad, Sam?
Sam: No. I'm still scared of him, even though I'm dead.



Hey, nice framing!

It's almost like I finally realized this was going to be on the internet at some point.



Theresa: Sorry, Stinky Skunk! I thought you were Daisy.



Theresa: Still smelling your own farts, huh?



Theresa: Just kidding! Your sense of smell rotted out long ago, am I right?



Melanie: She's charming.
William: She has good taste, at least.
Melanie: I"ll be sure to try her then.



William: EW BARF



William: But I'm still DTF.



Theresa: Does that stand for-
William: It stands for Down To Fuck. I'm not in the mood for acronym jokes.

Good, because I'm not in the mood to write any.



William: So! Hot tub, bed, or pool table?
Theresa: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man on SimEarth.
William: Wow! Extinction-level! That's pretty severe.



William: I'm glad you feel comfortable coming out to me.



Theresa: I'm not coming out, I'm just not attracted to you!
William: Oh, okay! You're asexual.



Theresa: Has it never occurred to you that there just might be some straight women out there who won't succumb to your so-called charms?
William: Sure! I like science fiction sometimes!



Theresa: I want to sex strangle you to sex death.



William: Come on, woman. You know you want me.
Theresa: And it is literally my least favourite thing about myself.



William: Fine! Have it your way!
Theresa: ...I don't want to have it my way!



William: I can see why a woman with such closed horizons wouldn't want to know what a nine-inch penis feels like.
Theresa: Wait, I thought that was just publicity.
William: You never saw the publicity shots?!



Theresa: DON'T FUCK WILLIAM DON'T FUCK WILLIAM



William: If only certain other people would stop trying to fuck me.



Daisy: Just FYI, our marital contract specifically excludes me from diaper duty.
William: Dammit.



William Jr.: .oO(It feels squishy when I squirm.)



Andrea: Morning Williams!



Andrea: Morning stench!



Neila: Hey Vic, look up, think fast!



Victor: Mom! Neila tried to get baby shit on me!

Shh! Mommy's dreaming about food!



Victor: Jesus, look at the cereal killer go.



Daisy: ...that took me a second.



Daisy: Well! Look at these fine gentlemen!
William: You shouldn't swoon over your own son, Daisy. That's called incest.
Daisy: Yeah, wouldn't want to start down that path.



William: I wish I knew what you mean when you say things.



William: There. That better?
William Jr.: .oO(Is it better than not having to breathe through my nose? No, not really.)



And then Anthony threw him out.



Anthony: That's a good idea, actually. Hand him over.



William: How come butlers go bad so quickly?
Daisy: It's those suits they wear. Dry-clean only, but who has the time?



Anthony: Oh god, don't tell me I have an expiry date too!



CLUNK

William: Builds character.



Daisy: Let's see if I can't get this one in her ear.



Daisy: Nah, she deserves a more embarassing death.



Michael:

Man, that's some good soundproofing!



Luckily Daisy has the entire house bugged.

Daisy: What's a guy with a strong, 75db voice doing on my porch this morning?



Michael: Blah blah trials, blah blah fire, blah blah blah.



Daisy: I can read between the blahs!



Daisy: You want to rename the neighbourhood after William?!
Michael: Yeah! And, you know, his other family members too. His mom built this state into the economic big-guy-stepping-on-all-the-little-guys that it is today, his dad was a sports dude and a general and maybe an astronaut (?), and that's not even mentioning his half-sister Cecilia.



Daisy: Hahaha, don't even get me started on her.



Michael: I always thought she got a bad rap.
Daisy: Go on.



Michael: Well, I mean, we'd all be zombie food if not for her!
Daisy: Tell me more.



Michael: I feel like she ought to be considered a Sharpe too.
Daisy: Take me.



Michael: What?

Next time: oh, whatever. You'll see it soon enough anyway.

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
simsfreq
Apr. 2nd, 2017 06:51 pm (UTC)
Everyone hates the Polymorph!
gruglysims
Jul. 18th, 2017 07:54 am (UTC)
They haven't had good movies for years.
lumy12
Jul. 8th, 2017 02:58 am (UTC)
LOL nice use of the fish thought bubble.

Beautiful frame job, that was! (don't look -- I wonder if you even remember)

How does Nathaniel have a beer belly? Fat Sims aren't fat in TS2!
gruglysims
Jul. 18th, 2017 07:55 am (UTC)
I knew it was gonna be a vagina joke, but I had to check anyway.

And since you told me not to look up the framing, I looked up the framing. Because that's how I roll.

Skintones make a big difference.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )