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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 259


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



In which the superiority of fat Sims is proven definitively.

Long live the curvaceously fortunate!




I shouldn't tell you this, but when I see a household like this is next I usually go "Hmm... well... at least it's only eighty pics, I can probably sustain interest that long."

You, on the other hand, get to read my sparkling dialogue, so you don't get to complain.



Renée: Do I get to complain?

You've died like eighteen times. What could possibly harsh your buzz at this point?



Renée: Visitors.



Still got the no-baby blues?

Renée: Still a Family Sim, yeah, if that's what you're asking.



♪ Doesn't somebody want to be wanted like me? Where are you? ♪



Renée: You know what? Let's advertise.

I've been doing that lately myself.

Which is why more than three people will see this.

Good ol' pretty-much-dead LiveJournal!



Renée: I want somebody who won't try to beat me up, or shoot me, or feed me to a plant, or blow me up, or satellite me, or drown me, or electrocute me, or drop me into a cement mixer full of quicksand.



Renée: If that kind of dude even exists.



Renée: Stewart Murphy? Fuck you. No, fuck you. Come over here so I can slap you.



Why?

Renée: Search me!

Not much to search...



Felicia: Hello Renée!
Renée: What? My name is KayOH RIGHT RENÉE



Renée: I want someone who won't leave me.
Felicia: So, an ugly person.
Renée: And someone who'll love me for who I am!
Felicia: A stupid ugly person!



Felicia: That is one wide pool to choose from!



That is the chillest dead skydiver I've ever seen.



Felicia: This is Jeremy Haggerty. He's ugly and dumb and probably heterosexual.
Renée: Wow, that is one serious tri-defecta!



What am I not seeing on the left side of the frame?

WAS THERE A GHOST



Renée: Hi! I'm Renée.
Jeremy: Ew, accents. That takes way too much extra effort.



Jeremy: But at least you're ugly, so you probably won't leave me.



Renée: Let's see if we can't break that nose of yours. Again.



Jacques Cousteau: Je suis où?



Jeremy: HAHAHA FRENCH PEOPLE



Renée: You do know that I'm French, right? The name and all?



Jeremy: Don't be ridiculous, all French girls are blonde.



Jeremy: And anyway you're too fat.



Chelsea: TOO FAT TO BE IN PUBLIC

That's the only reason I can think of for her to be pitching a fit.



Jeremy: Euch! I keep forgetting how ugly you are whenever I look away.



They both like food I can recognize! I love them.



Nikki: What you uglies want?



Chelsea: UGLY PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BE



Nikki: Hahaha here's your ugly food, uglies!
Jeremy: I'm sensing a sort of consistent tone here.



Ember: Hey, who're the ugly people?
Chelsea: The ugliest people.



Renée: A toast! To good-looking people. May they age as they always do.



Renée: Poorly.



Ember: Ooh, a biker dude! I had one of these when I was younger!

Yeah, there's two of them. They used to be clones, but then one of them got old.

It's basically the plot to Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty, but with a lot less nonsense.



Chelsea: Oh, look! The fat uglies are exercising!



Geoffrey: I'll shut her up for you, Renée!



Chelsea: ...!



Grugly Prime: And that's how Chelsea died.



Geoffrey: Ugh. You taste like all of the dicks.



Chelsea: You are what you eat!

I'm CERTAIN I've made that joke before.

And you know what? I'm fine with it.



BONK

Jeremy: I'm sorry everyone hates us.



Renée: Squiggle dropseed haywire.



Renée: Orange manichean Jerusalem socks?
Jeremy: Renée! Not in public!



Renée: Fourteen developers gyrating explosively.
Chelsea: Fat, ugly and weird.



Chelsea: Mom... I sometimes love ugly people.
Ember: It's okay, Chel. Even though they don't deserve it.



Renée: Pump the whisk southerly!



Renée: Do yarn toggle?!



Renée: Wordsmith yak waggle.



Carmela: I'm not real. I'm a placeholder Sim. We're not having this conversation.



Carmela: You're not even sitting.



Jeremy: Okay, one mental reset coming right up!

Wait, what?



WHACKSKLURCH

Renée: Wheelhouse banditry?



Renée: Generational caramelizing.



Jeremy: Blabbity babbity to you too, beautiful.



Jeremy: This is totally within my load-bearing limit.



Renée: Rosencrantz.



Renée: Desperado serum!



Renée: Perspicacious... enveloping... ostrich.



I THINK WE ALL LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON TODAY



...everyone is mean to fat people and ugly people? Wow, talk about afternoon special material.



Renée: Limpid spackle HELLO there we go.



Renée: One of the police chiefs eats people.



Renée: Raw.



And now, the argument in favour of not being an anorexic stick.



Actually it's kind of ridiculous that Maxis considers this "fat."



Jeremy: So ridiculous.



Geez.

Renée.

I'm sorry.



Renée: It's better than fat-shaming and ugly-baiting.



Jeremy: MORE SLAP-SLAP FOR JEREMY!



Jeremy: SICKLE RASTER GUNGOGGLES



Renée: Words to live by.



Jeremy: I feel like we struck a blow today for non-standard standards of beauty.

I feel like we made some of the right jokes, but completely failed to follow through in the end.



Renée: I feel like sucking this dick.



Jeremy: Remember everyone, no matter what your face looks like, someone is willing to put their face into your genitals.



Renée: Even if you've got a serious case of genital-face.



Fat is beautiful!

Renée: I've seen lots of ugly fat people.

I didn't say fat is a beautifier.



Oh, come on. Now your comforter is fat-shaming.



Renée: Kiss another day goodbye.

I don't usually have that good a relationship with my days.



So, what did we learn today?

Renée: We learned that fat can be healthy, ugliness is a touchy subject, and popular people suck.



Stay beautiful, everybody.

Next time: a hero is born!

Or rather employed.

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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jul. 29th, 2017 02:42 am (UTC)
Ohhh you advertised? That's where the newbies came from!

Kay-Renee has the best tits. And I hope she gets to have her babies now!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )