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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 259


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which the superiority of fat Sims is proven definitively.

Long live the curvaceously fortunate!




I shouldn't tell you this, but when I see a household like this is next I usually go "Hmm... well... at least it's only eighty pics, I can probably sustain interest that long."

You, on the other hand, get to read my sparkling dialogue, so you don't get to complain.



Renée: Do I get to complain?

You've died like eighteen times. What could possibly harsh your buzz at this point?



Renée: Visitors.



Still got the no-baby blues?

Renée: Still a Family Sim, yeah, if that's what you're asking.



♪ Doesn't somebody want to be wanted like me? Where are you? ♪



Renée: You know what? Let's advertise.

I've been doing that lately myself.

Which is why more than three people will see this.

Good ol' pretty-much-dead LiveJournal!



Renée: I want somebody who won't try to beat me up, or shoot me, or feed me to a plant, or blow me up, or satellite me, or drown me, or electrocute me, or drop me into a cement mixer full of quicksand.



Renée: If that kind of dude even exists.



Renée: Stewart Murphy? Fuck you. No, fuck you. Come over here so I can slap you.



Why?

Renée: Search me!

Not much to search...



Felicia: Hello Renée!
Renée: What? My name is KayOH RIGHT RENÉE



Renée: I want someone who won't leave me.
Felicia: So, an ugly person.
Renée: And someone who'll love me for who I am!
Felicia: A stupid ugly person!



Felicia: That is one wide pool to choose from!



That is the chillest dead skydiver I've ever seen.



Felicia: This is Jeremy Haggerty. He's ugly and dumb and probably heterosexual.
Renée: Wow, that is one serious tri-defecta!



What am I not seeing on the left side of the frame?

WAS THERE A GHOST



Renée: Hi! I'm Renée.
Jeremy: Ew, accents. That takes way too much extra effort.



Jeremy: But at least you're ugly, so you probably won't leave me.



Renée: Let's see if we can't break that nose of yours. Again.



Jacques Cousteau: Je suis où?



Jeremy: HAHAHA FRENCH PEOPLE



Renée: You do know that I'm French, right? The name and all?



Jeremy: Don't be ridiculous, all French girls are blonde.



Jeremy: And anyway you're too fat.



Chelsea: TOO FAT TO BE IN PUBLIC

That's the only reason I can think of for her to be pitching a fit.



Jeremy: Euch! I keep forgetting how ugly you are whenever I look away.



They both like food I can recognize! I love them.



Nikki: What you uglies want?



Chelsea: UGLY PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BE



Nikki: Hahaha here's your ugly food, uglies!
Jeremy: I'm sensing a sort of consistent tone here.



Ember: Hey, who're the ugly people?
Chelsea: The ugliest people.



Renée: A toast! To good-looking people. May they age as they always do.



Renée: Poorly.



Ember: Ooh, a biker dude! I had one of these when I was younger!

Yeah, there's two of them. They used to be clones, but then one of them got old.

It's basically the plot to Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty, but with a lot less nonsense.



Chelsea: Oh, look! The fat uglies are exercising!



Geoffrey: I'll shut her up for you, Renée!



Chelsea: ...!



Grugly Prime: And that's how Chelsea died.



Geoffrey: Ugh. You taste like all of the dicks.



Chelsea: You are what you eat!

I'm CERTAIN I've made that joke before.

And you know what? I'm fine with it.



BONK

Jeremy: I'm sorry everyone hates us.



Renée: Squiggle dropseed haywire.



Renée: Orange manichean Jerusalem socks?
Jeremy: Renée! Not in public!



Renée: Fourteen developers gyrating explosively.
Chelsea: Fat, ugly and weird.



Chelsea: Mom... I sometimes love ugly people.
Ember: It's okay, Chel. Even though they don't deserve it.



Renée: Pump the whisk southerly!



Renée: Do yarn toggle?!



Renée: Wordsmith yak waggle.



Carmela: I'm not real. I'm a placeholder Sim. We're not having this conversation.



Carmela: You're not even sitting.



Jeremy: Okay, one mental reset coming right up!

Wait, what?



WHACKSKLURCH

Renée: Wheelhouse banditry?



Renée: Generational caramelizing.



Jeremy: Blabbity babbity to you too, beautiful.



Jeremy: This is totally within my load-bearing limit.



Renée: Rosencrantz.



Renée: Desperado serum!



Renée: Perspicacious... enveloping... ostrich.



I THINK WE ALL LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON TODAY



...everyone is mean to fat people and ugly people? Wow, talk about afternoon special material.



Renée: Limpid spackle HELLO there we go.



Renée: One of the police chiefs eats people.



Renée: Raw.



And now, the argument in favour of not being an anorexic stick.



Actually it's kind of ridiculous that Maxis considers this "fat."



Jeremy: So ridiculous.



Geez.

Renée.

I'm sorry.



Renée: It's better than fat-shaming and ugly-baiting.



Jeremy: MORE SLAP-SLAP FOR JEREMY!



Jeremy: SICKLE RASTER GUNGOGGLES



Renée: Words to live by.



Jeremy: I feel like we struck a blow today for non-standard standards of beauty.

I feel like we made some of the right jokes, but completely failed to follow through in the end.



Renée: I feel like sucking this dick.



Jeremy: Remember everyone, no matter what your face looks like, someone is willing to put their face into your genitals.



Renée: Even if you've got a serious case of genital-face.



Fat is beautiful!

Renée: I've seen lots of ugly fat people.

I didn't say fat is a beautifier.



Oh, come on. Now your comforter is fat-shaming.



Renée: Kiss another day goodbye.

I don't usually have that good a relationship with my days.



So, what did we learn today?

Renée: We learned that fat can be healthy, ugliness is a touchy subject, and popular people suck.



Stay beautiful, everybody.

Next time: a hero is born!

Or rather employed.

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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jul. 29th, 2017 02:42 am (UTC)
Ohhh you advertised? That's where the newbies came from!

Kay-Renee has the best tits. And I hope she gets to have her babies now!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )