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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 273


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


And now for something largely embarrassing.




What's the price of Murphy Families these days, anyway?



Penny: Don't wake up, the narrator's being terrible.



Andrew: By that criteria we'd never get up.
Penny: Exactly.



Andrew: Oh. I teleported too?

I DON'T NEED TO SHOW EVERY SINGLE STEP OF YOUR ENTIRE DAY!

Andrew: Oh! Okay. But... you do, usually.

I'M GETTING BETTER!



Andrew: Well, speaking of getting better, that ought to just about-

NO

Andrew: -do it? No? No what?

Sorry, that's just my involuntary reaction to the thought of FRIDAY being back in the story again.



Andrew: Hi FRIDAY! The Maker doesn't like you.



FRIDAY: I hope you didn't wake me up just for that news.



FRIDAY: Hey! I'm not spitting out sparks and electrocuting people anymore! So that's good! For people!



Andrew: Yeah, on that topic, let's talk about how you're never going to fucking do that again.



Nathaniel: Careful! I have it on good authority that I have both "boy cooties" AND "nerd cooties"!



Uma: ...and "teleportation cooties"?!



Emerson: I call this piece "Fuck You, Babies, Wake Up!"



Nathaniel: What are you looking at oh.



Nathaniel: Well alright then.



I really don't want to know.



Angelica: I HAVE A TERRIBLE IDEA!



Peter: RACKINFRACKIN



Oliver: Love the garden gnome.



Oliver: Well if it isn't my sexiest cousin! That came out wrong.



Angelica: Did it, though?
Oliver: Yeah, definitely.



Peter: HOOGABOOGA
Nathaniel: WHY



I'm with FRIDAY on this one.



Angelica: We're not even cousins, though. I'm your niece.
Oliver: And a nicer niece has never nexisted. Existed.



Angelica: You haven't got the "family" tag on your portrait in my relationship panel.
Oliver: Such sweet music she sings!



Oliver: In other news, which is actually the same news, I'm definitely not related to you anymore.
Angelica: Well that's a relief. I think?



Angelica: Do you realize what this means?
Oliver: This chapter is gonna attract a very niche audience?



Angelica: If we're not related anymore, we can go on a date!
Oliver: What would your dad say about that?
Angelica: We could ask him, if you've also become immortal.



Oliver: Hahaha yeah nobody can ever know about this.



Oliver: Shake that booty! Christ this feels weird.



Angelica: Yeah, it really does.



Oliver: SO LET'S ESCALATE



Way to keep a low profile, guys.



Angelica: Man, dad would kill us if he caught us here!
Kennedy: My blackmail sense is tingling, warning me of blackmail material!



Angelica: He's already mad at grandpa for fucking all those women.
Oliver: Which ones?
Angelica: ALL the ones.



Oliver: Wait, isn't your grandpa my dad?!
Kennedy: There goes that tingle again!



I sincerely hope nobody else is getting tingles out of this.



Angelica: Way to pay attention, Romeo.



Oliver: Where do you suppose those back doors go?



Angelica: It says here all the stores have little enclosed alleys between them!

It does?

Angelica: No, but, y'know, exposition.



Oliver: This feels so wrong!
Angelica: Because it IS. Let's be clear here.



Oliver: We're just little packets of data.

GIANT packets of data.

Oliver: Okay, fine, but yeah. We're not real people.
Angelica: What a sexy conversation topic.



Oliver: What I mean is, nothing other than our faces directly ties us to each other!
Angelica: So if our family relationships get corrupted, we're not even doing anything bad!

Welp, there goes that new reader demographic.

I won't miss them.



Oliver: I'm still not telling Andrew about this.



I debated not telling anyone about this.

But they have THREE FUCKING BOLTS.



Oliver: The world didn't end.
Angelica: Or if it did, it was a whisper instead of a bang.



Oliver: The bang will come later.
Angelica: I will come later!
Oliver: Statistically unlikely.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Man, Kennedy was right! It's dirt city around here!



Angelica: I'm glad you're not part of my family.
Oliver: ...thanks?



Yeah, still not really okay with this.



Oliver: THANKS FOR HELPING ME CHECK MY GUMS, DENTIST FRIEND!
Angelica: Ooh, smoothe save!



Uma: I won't tell your dad you're a sicko if you don't tell your dad I blew your brother.
Angelica: Now THAT, is DISGUSTING.



No. THIS is disgusting.



Bethany: .oO(And the BEST!)



Angelica: You should probably go before it gets light out.
Oliver: Yeah, I bet the sun burns you right to a crisp.



Angelica: Out, spot! Out!



Angelica: "I let the kids starve because I was making out with your brother" is a really lousy thing to tell your dad.



Wendell is developing a scientific theory about why his dad's a jerk.



I don't want to know what she's dreaming.



But I don't want to watch this, either.



Nah, this isn't any better.

Penny: IT'S MUST-WATCH TV!



Penny: OHHHHHH GOD WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THIS MORE THAN ONCE



Angelica: Sure, great, add to the teleportation dust layer.



Penny: I FEEL LIKE I JUST ATE A TURTLE



Andrew: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE



GLOMP

Nooooooo!



Dirk Spring-Murphy: .oO(DON'T EAT ME!)



Penny: Aww, he looks just like-
Andrew: -the baby template, yes he does. Genetics don't manifest until Toddlerhood, Penny.



Penny: Neat.



Andrew: Yeah, he's alright I guess.



Dirk: .oO(Tastes like shampoo!)



Dirk: .oO(Is this the conditioner?)



I guess nothing seems too risqué after macking on your uncle.



Andrew: ...sorry, WHAT was that?



FRIDAY: Are you looking forward to this year's court cases?
Penny: Aren't you dead?



FRIDAY: I WISH I WAS



Penny: I love me a good robot breakdown!



Penny: I've got hair in my tits.

Excellent ending!

Next time: poor choices.

Alternate journal title!

...man. AWESOME alternate journal title!

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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Aug. 5th, 2017 02:05 am (UTC)
I've never seen that thought bubble of Andrew's in my game! Neato!

Aww poor Friday, what did he ever do to you?

Eh, after Game of Thrones (and the Supernatural fandom), "kissing cousins" is tame. I wish MY game wouldn't decide that non-blood relatives are relatives. Like stepparents it would be fun to create some drama with.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )