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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 274


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


And now for a short one.

IS WHAT SHE SAID!

She might, actually.

Her standards are pretty high.




Featuring at least some of these people!



...you are not one of those people.



Dagmar: My bad.





I'm thinking this art isn't doing much for Ember.

But hey, if it is, power to her!



Ember: One of those pictures is of one of my daughters.

Not gonna judge you, but that's pretty fucked-up.



Ember: I'd be willing to bet she gets pretty fucked-up every night!

Like mother, like daughter.



Ember: Want to come over and be a character?



Ember: For one chapter at most, mind you.



Ember: APPARENTLY vampires don't come OUT in the DAYTIME.

For SOME reason.



Ember: Ooh, my back!
Dagmar: From all that sex you've been having?
Ember: No! From all the sex I haven't been having, dammit!



Ember: How much does it cost to drop a piano on someone?

Stephen?

Ember: Stephen.



This is Stephen's fault, too.



Ember: Well I don't know, it's kinda cloudy at least! Twilight vampires could go outside!



Ember: No, you're right, I wouldn't want a Twilight vampire.



Ember: I WANNA GET LAID BEFORE MY LADYBITS FALL OFF



Ember: Plan B.
Kiera: Sorry, I don't carry Plan B. You need to go to the pharmacy.



Kiera: Seriously? A love potion? You're like the hottest chick on the street!
Ember: Maybe I don't want to be on the street!



Ember: Oh, wait, I get it now.



Ember: But anyway. Manflesh! Pronto!



Ember: Someone athletic!
Kiera: Sports fan, got it.



Ember: Wait, no. Sports fans aren't athletic.
Kiera: Too bad! Got yer money!



Amar: I think a course correction is in order.



Amar: This *might* not be awesome.



Touchdown!



SKLRRRRRRRRRRRRCH



Kiera: This is Amar!
Ember: "Was," you mean?



Ember: First gategate, and now this.



Amar: ALL OF MY ORGANS ARE TWO ORGANS NOW



Ember: When you think of it, it's kind of a miracle he was able to hit such a narrow target.



Kiera: Is this gonna affect my Yelp! rating?
The Grim Reaper: YELP! JOKES ARE SO LAST YEAR.



Kiera: I'm gonna call this a successful speed-date.



Wren makes the most of her brief appearance in this chapter.



I can't wait until she has to tell her teacher why there's stiletto holes in her homework.



Awesome.



Wren: What did you get for #2?
Xavier: The same thing as yesterday. The dang things never change.

No, you fucking stupid website, I did NOT mean "hashtag 2." Jesus fuck.



Ember: Okay Mr. Won't-Come-Over-Unless-He-Won't-Burn-to-Death, it's showtime!



Count Alon: Is there anything a woman won't call "picky"?



Count Alon: Hahaha yeah that guy sucks.



Ember: I'm Ember.



Count Alon: Hot.



Ember: Marry me.



Ember: No, but, seriously.



See? Negging is entirely the wrong way to go.

...that's not even a joke.

I'm really embarassed to be a man these days.

Please make them stop.



Don't you have MAYORAL things to be doing?

Dagmar: What could be more mayoral than spying on your lover's wife?



I've got a new approach to these sex scenes!

I call it not wasting fifty pics on each sex scene.

Count Alon: I'd like to lodge a complaint about your new approach.



Dagmar: -orgasms-



Wow! That's a lot better than what usually comes out!



I refuse to be embarassed by how many home decorator pics I take.



These pics, though...

Ember: DON'T KNOCK IT 'TIL YOU TRY IT!



Count Alon: I defy you to imagine a better cameo.



Count Alon: I could never be a major part of any storyline ever again, and still be happy because of this!

Good.



Count Alon: ..."Good"?
Ember: Aww! Poor doomed vampire.



Ember: Maybe we should have sex on, like, a bed next time.
Count Alon: I think my everything is stuck like this.



Yeah, you're not hiding much there buddy.



If you're using soap, I hope it's not Sunlight.



Count Alon: Sunlight is for dishes.

They can't all be knee-slappers.



Count Alon: I don't think the gypsy can leave.

Gypsy is a racist term, so I'll forget what you just said.

Kiera: help



Kiera: HELP



Alon: Yeah, 'cuz you really helped me out, bitch.



Kiera: Dead guy says what?



Kiera: This has not been my greatest professional triumph.



It's nobody's finest hour.



Kiera: If anyone cares, there's a vampire burning to death outside.



Kiera: Ooh, you've got Pay-Per-View!

Next time: the best toddler ever.

If that's somehow a draw for you.

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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Aug. 6th, 2017 03:40 am (UTC)
And you left the #2 tag on this, how cute :)

That is the most hilarious death I've seen in a long time! I'm glad you made it count, cuz I'm sure the game wouldn't have noticed where he landed.

But there were tons of knee-slappers in this chapter!

...sex on the stove? Her knee is on the burner, that can't be comfy. It's not one of those flat-topped stoves. Ember's just kinky like that. I wouldn't want to eat anything cooked there now :/

Also love that you made the vampire come out in daylight! And who WOULDN'T want a Twilight vampire? Y'all are weird.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )