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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 281

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

I don't like to think of this update as short. I like to think of it as instant gratification!

I'm instantly gratified by how quickly I can move on.

Renée: It's no fair. I work half the damn day! My updates end up being too short.

Considering the shit that's happened to you when you've been on-screen, I'd have thought you'd approve.

Whatcha studyin'?

Renée: Parenthood.

Man, did you go to an optimist immersion school or something?

I hope there's something in there about pattern recognition.

Renée: I've decided that the problem is my clothes.

Not that you were part of a zombie apocalypse, or that you're in an evil witness protection program, or that you constantly die, or that your fake face is hideous?

Renée: Right, none of that.

Renée: Hey Sullivan!
Sullivan: Hey Pugsley!

Ian: Hello there! I'm-
Renée: -in front of the clothing rack for no reason, yes, I've noticed.

Renée: Look at you. You can't be trusted to buy your own clothes!

Brooke: Any chance you're looking for a bright and intelligent housemate?
Renée: Sorry honey. You'll have to get playable status from some other schmuck.

Alternatively you could get eaten by a zombie!

That guarantees at least an extra two shots of you! Before you're actually shot.

Renée: I'd like to maintain his hardware...

Corey: MAN! We don't get to do this often enough anymore.

Renée: It's pretty fuckin' metal, won't deny it.

Corey: I prefer to put the "agent" part before the "secret" part.

Deborah: I thought all the zombies were dead.

Dream on, Debs.

Corey: You looking for a partner?

Vicki: He'd look better with a mullet.

Go away, you're in jail.

Michael: Wow, that guy's pretty cool. This must be his chapter.

Renée: Rackinfrackin

Renée: Ooh... baby got sore back.

This just in: taking cats for walks ISN'T A THING.

Angelica: I think you'll find-


Renée: Hey Haggy. Can I call you Haggy? Oh. Well. Please come over anyway, Jeremy.

Victor: Haggy?
Jeremy: My last name is Haggerty.
Victor: No, I was trying to get your attention, Haggy.

Jeremy: My first name is Jeremy.
Victor: Don't need the life story, Haggy.

Jeremy: Why are you standing over there?
Victor: The element of surprise!
Jeremy: Are... are you gonna shoot her or something?
Victor: I like to keep my options open.

Victor: Although I see them closing by the second...

Renée: Hi! I'm Renée.
Victor: We'll see about that.

Renée: Ooh, I love a man of authority!
Victor: Not unless I say you do, you don't!

Jeremy: This was out so I assumed I could have it.

Victor: We know an awful lot about you down at the station, Renée.
Renée: You do? Could you tell me?

Victor: You have a very nice pair of breasts, Renée. If that is your real name.
Renée: It is.
Victor: You mean "they are." You have two breasts, stupid.

Renée: Welp, you'd know better than I!
Victor: "Me."

Victor: That's a lovely pink hole you have.

Renée: Sometimes I fantasize about the lobotomized carpool drivers.

Victor: Their lack of personality is a definite plus!

Renée: Yeah, that's my kind of man alright.

Renée: Well, it was nice meeting you Mr. Cop.
Victor: Cwik.
Renée: Quick what?

Renée: Anyway, it was very nice meeting you, Mr. Cop.
Victor: You already said that, stupid.

Victor: Is that some kind of advanced interrogation technique?

Victor: It looks complicated.

Renée: What do you look for in a woman, Mr. Cop?
Victor: Well, they can't be my wife, or friends with my wife, or aware of my wife...

Victor: I prefer the helpless elderly.

Victor: But I want them to look strong so nobody thinks to defend them.

Victor: And I definitely can't stand women with their own sense of personal style.



Renée: I wonder what he wanted.

Maybe the cops are wondering why you suddenly exist.

Renée: They're nosy like that.

Renée: Finally, it's morning! Time to seize the day and really make a dent in my goals!


Hey, welcome home. Good day at work?

Renée: Well, first of all-

No time for that, the chapter's over.

Next time: the secretest of agents.

Renée: But I was going to-

Goodnight folks!

Recent Posts from This Journal


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Aug. 10th, 2017 08:39 pm (UTC)
That's a lovely pink hole you have.

Guys should read this story for the great pickup lines!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )